Breaking Down the Intoxicating Art of Romantic Seduction

Jean Giraudoux

The flower is the poetry of reproduction. It is the example of the eternal seductiveness of life.


Do You Fall Prey to Seduction?

Have you ever been seduced, like actually seduced by someone? You maybe didn’t realize at the time that you were being seduced, but you were certainly under the other person’s spell. In fact, you probably felt powerless to resist.

Why do these things happen? Why do we at times succumb to other people’s seductions? I’m of course not only talking about romantic types of seduction, but also everyday seductions where people just win you over with their words, looks, actions and behavior.

In 2001, Robert Greene published a book called The Art of Seduction. This book explores how we tend to fall prey to the clever seduction games that other people like to play. Moreover, it provides a detailed step-by-step guide on how to become a master seducer.

Robert uses a great many examples within his book that unlock the secrets to seduction and making people fall head-over-heels in love with you. Many of these stories reveal the exploits of seducers who used their power to influence, and in some instances to manipulate others into doing their bidding.

It could be said that seduction is very much a form of manipulation, however it doesn’t necessarily come with malicious intentions. It’s therefore not something that we should frown upon, but rather something that is worth learning more about in order to become aware of the seductive nature of those around us.

Within this article I am going to do my very best to attempt to unlock the secrets to romantic seduction. But let’s not just look at this as something that only applies to romantic relationships. This isn’t only about romance, but rather applies to all personal relationships and interactions you have with other people.

Every day you will come across people that radiate a seductive form of energy. Whether it’s a friend, a sales person, a colleague, a manager, or whoever, these people have an uncanny ability to influence you. In fact, their ability to influence how you think, what you feel, and how you act accordingly, gives them incredible power.

When you’re around these people you naturally and without question just do whatever the say — whether it’s within your best interests or not. It seems as though you don’t have a choice, but the truth is you do.

Becoming aware of how these people tend to seduce you moves you away from playing the victim and instead puts you in a position of power. You get to choose how to respond and how to use the situation to your advantage, rather than having the other person use you to serve their own interests and aims.

The discussion that follows is loosely based on Robert Greene’s work within his book, The Art of Seduction. Some ideas have been taken from his book, but this article certainly doesn’t reflect his teachings and research into this field. It’s rather an intermix of various seduction principles that have been widely popularized over the internet.

It’s also important to note that we will discuss the Art of Seduction from a romantic point of view. However, with some slight modifications these seduction principles can readily be applied to many other personal and professional relationships.

Finally, this article does follow the branch structure presented within the accompanying mind map, however I have slightly modified this discussion as I don’t want this article to sound like a PUA Seductive Secrets Exposé. I have therefore toned this discussion down to make it more applicable to all romantic relationships. However, the IQ Matrix itself does somewhat present this information from the PUA perspective.


Breaking Down the Seducer’s Persona

Seducers come in many shapes and sizes and have varying backgrounds. It’s therefore not easy to spot one within a crowd of people. In fact, they are so sly and covert in the way they operate that you probably won’t even realize you are in their presence until after the seduction. 🙁

There are however certain things that you can train yourself to look out for that will help you to identify a seducer personality. Let’s break these things down into three areas: Qualities, Speech Patterns and Gestures.

A Seducer’s Qualities

The qualities of a seducer typically mirror that of a charismatic high achiever. The first thing you will typically notice is that they have a very magnetic personality. By magnetic I mean that they are optimistic, alluring, charismatic and passionate.

A seducer has very high self-esteem, good self-confidence and deep self-belief in themselves and in their own abilities. They are also incredibly ambitious, independent, decisive, playful, adventurous, and courageous. Moreover, no matter what situation they find themselves in they never seem to get flustered.

Seducers often have an aura of mystery about them. You kind of feel as though you know them, but you don’t quite understand them. There’s something about them that is very mysterious that you can’t seem to put a finger on. At times it even feels as though they are quite elusive and have an unpredictable nature. All this naturally creates intrigue and fascination, which draws you into their trap.

A seducer will often lure you in with their sensitive side. They are incredibly sensitive to your needs, desires, fantasies, moods and values. It’s as though they have a prophetic nature about them where they just simply understand what you need before you even realize you need those things. Moreover, they are very patient with you and have a nurturing and self-sacrificing way about them that is so very appealing and makes you feel wonderful in their presence.

A seducer will also covertly draw you in with their curiosity. It seems as though they just want to know everything there is to know about you. The more they know, the more they understand how to push the right emotional buttons to lure you into their seductive trap.

When someone shows a lot of interest in us, it just makes us feel special and important. Moreover, it makes us feel respected and valued. As a result, we grow in fondness of the other person and thereby fall deeper into their seductive trap.

A seducer will however show inconsistency in their interests. At times they will be incredibly interested in you, while at other times they will show disinterest and be somewhat aloof. This creates suspense and desire; making you want to be around them even more.

At times a seducer will come across as being incredibly vulnerable and innocent. This of course isn’t the way they are, it’s rather a ploy to win your trust and favor. They figure that if they open up to you and show their vulnerable side, then you will as well. And once you do, that is when they draw you in closer to their seductive game.

A Seducer’s Speech Patterns

A seducer always uses their voice with purpose. Their voice tends to be calm, deep, alluring and controlled. Moreover, they are very articulate and use their words carefully to gain your interest and draw you into what they are saying.

A seducer’s words are always very suggestive by nature. They first pique your interest using stories, humor and metaphors. Once you have their interest, they use suggestive words and questions to make you feel good about doing something that plays to their favor.

A Seducer’s Movements and Gestures

A seducer moves with grace in an unhurried and controlled way. They are masters of their own body language, meaning that they understand how to use their body to lure you in. As such, their body language and facial gestures will often be quite ambiguous. It will be difficult for you to read exactly what they are thinking, which of course adds to their mystery and aura.

A seducer will also typically lure you in with their eyes. They don’t shy away from making good eye contact, and will use their eyes to capture your attention during key moments of their interaction. Once they have your full focus and attention, they will draw you in with suggestive language that stimulates all your senses and captures your imagination.

A Seducer's Personality


The Four Alluring Steps of Romantic Seduction

Now that you have a better understanding of the seducer personality, it’s now time to explore the specific steps a seducer will often take to lure you into their seduction game.

Being aware of these steps will help you to recognize the key moments when you are being seduced by this other person. As a result you will be better able to respond accordingly and take charge of the situation.

The four steps of the Art of Romantic Seduction include:

  1. Sparking Attraction
  2. Building Tension
  3. Enhancing Desire
  4. Closing the Deal

Each step of this process is of paramount importance for the Master Seducer. They understand that they need to progressively move through each step in order to win you over. Skipping over a single step of this process, or rushing the process could mean losing your interest and attention. As such, a Master Seducer is often very diligent, unhurried and patient when it comes to working through each of step.

Let’s now breakdown each of these four steps in detail below.


Step 1: Sparking Attraction

A seducer will often approach you in a kind of harmless and indirect manner. In fact, they may even turn it into a chance encounter that suddenly captures your attention. However, their seduction often begins long before their approach.

Their seduction begins when they draw your attention from afar. Their goal is to initially spark your interest in them. They do this by making themselves standout in a crowd. You for instance notice them interacting with other people while they glance your way. For you this person looks popular, desirable and interesting. You are intrigued and already building your expectations about them based on what you have observed.

When it comes time to making the approach, a seducer’s initial objective isn’t to overwhelm you. As such, they won’t initially show too much obvious interest. In fact, they might be a little aloof at first. However, slowly but surely they will build a level of comfort with you.

At first, ever so subtly, they will begin mirroring your behavior and body language. Next, they will try to find commonality in interests, goals, beliefs and values. Once they know a little more about you, they will work on progressively building your self-esteem by giving you nice little compliments, here and there, that make you feel better about yourself.

Once you settle into the conversation they will curiously start to insinuate certain things about you that make you feel empowered, important and influential. However, this of course doesn’t last.

The moment you begin feeling more relaxed and secure in their presence the seducer will throw in a little tension into the conversation. A friendly disagreement about something is usually enough to spark this tension. As a result you are taken aback a little and made to feel somewhat uncomfortable. What this does is it gets you emotionally invested in the other person.

Once you are emotionally invested in them, you naturally become more curious about what makes them tick. You are therefore more likely to ask questions about the seducer to get to know them at a deeper level. However, the seducer acts in a very elusive manner and doesn’t seem to give you straight answers. In fact, they tend to send mixed signals in your direction.

All this creates a little confusion for you, however at the same time it fascinates and generates interest, which is of course everything your seducer needs to take you into the next stage of their seduction game.

The Art of Seduction Sparking Attraction


Step 2: Building Tension

After the initial spark of attraction, the seducer’s goal here is to keep building the tension. They understand though that they cannot rush this process. They have your attention and they must keep you interested, but at the same time keep you somewhat confused in order to build emotional tension.

This step of the process typically happens at a later time after the first initial interaction. In fact, it’s important to note that this process of seduction rarely occurs over a onetime interaction. It instead takes place over time, over several interactions that keep building interest and tension between the seducer and their victim (you).

As far as this step of the process goes, the seducer will continue to pique your interest and curiosity in them. They will for instance use humor to make you feel more relaxed in their presence. Furthermore, they will surprise you with sentimental gifts and spontaneously take you to unfamiliar places that pull you out of your comfort zone. This moves you away from what you know and are familiar with. As a result, you are now more reliant on them for direction and support, which effectively puts control of this blossoming relationship into their hands.

When talking with you, your seducer will use indirect flattery and silences to build tension. They will flatter you in various ways, and will come across as being very sensitive to your needs, wants and desires. They may even come across as being quite vulnerable, but at other times their behavior will be very unpredictable, and as a result will create some confusion. They may for instance move close and then suddenly distance themselves from you. This naturally piques your curiosity and draws you deeper into their seductive trap.

The seducer wants to get to a point where you are somewhat relying on them. Whether that is relying on them for information, for something physical, or for some kind of emotional support. They effectively want to become the answer to all your problems as well as the solution to all your desires.

Once they become the answer to your problems, they will take things up a notch by regularly distancing you from familiar people and places. Once they have you there — within their domain and environment — that is when they start to build emotional tension. They do this by targeting your insecurities, fantasies and dreams all at the same time.

The seducer now clearly understands your unsatisfied needs, wants and desires. As a result they start to play with your emotions, lifting you up at times and tearing you down at other times. This of course creates a lot of confusion and tension within the relationship. Experiencing high levels of anxiety might seem counterproductive, however it actually forces you to invest more of your emotional resources into this other person, which of course starts to generate a deep seated desire.

The Art of Seduction Building Tension


Step 3: Enhancing Desire

So far up to this stage the seducer has been the one drawing you into their seduction game. They initially sparked your interest and attraction. They then added some tension into the relationship, which no doubt confused you and generated some emotional turmoil.

You have reached a stage where you are incredibly interested in this person, however in order to take this seduction to the next level, there must be a level of desire at play.

Your seducer understands that in order to generate desire that they must continue to challenge you emotionally. As such, they spend time manufacturing obstacles, conflicts and crisis situations that draw you closer to them.

Every emotional challenge overcome leads to a deeper emotional investment in the relationship. The deeper you go, the harder it is to break-free from their seductive tactics.

Another way the seducer generates emotional turmoil is by alternating between harshness and kindness. At one moment they are sensitive and kind, while in the next moment they become emotionally unpredictable, harsh and uncaring. This confuses you, however at the same time it draws you deeper into their seduction game.

The more time you spend with your seducer the more layers of their personality they reveal to you.

Every now and then they might share a deep dark secret about themselves or about their life. This of course is all a ploy to get you to open up emotionally. But this isn’t always easy, which is why they playfully woo you into a false sense of comfort and security. They do this by humbling themselves before you.

One moment they are being extremely reckless and making mistakes, then the next moment they want you to console them and forgive them for their flaws and inadequacies. They tell you that everything they do is for you. They just want to prove themselves so that you never leave them. They are yours and nobody else’s. And that of course is the moment when they show you that tender and compassionate side of themselves, all-the-while targeting your inner spirituality, beauty and vulnerability.

All this of course generates desire. You are now more drawn to them than ever before. In fact, you become somewhat infatuated and smitten with the way they are and with how they make you feel. Your seducer now has you exactly where they’ve wanted you since the very moment you first met. All that’s left is to close the deal.

The Art of Seduction Enhancing Desire


Step 4: Closing the Deal

The final step of this process is all about closing the deal. This however probably isn’t what you think it is. It of course could be exactly what you’re thinking, but it’s also something much more. 😉

To close the deal within the context of this discussion is about reaching an emotional point within a relationship where the seducer has completely won over their victim (you), and the seduction officially ends (for now).

The seducer notices that you are heavily reliant on them for emotional support. Moreover, they recognize that you are very much in-sync with them in terms of language, beliefs, gestures, values, actions, etc. It’s as though you have become intertwined into one single individual.

All the emotional upheavals that you experienced within the previous steps of the seduction process have brought the two of you closer together. In fact, you have now become so close and emotionally bound together that it’s actually difficult to distinguish who was the seducer and who was the victim in this relationship.

It’s time now to close the deal, to breakdown the boundaries of seduction and to just be — if you so choose — with this other person fully and openly without games.

The hormonal and chemical reactions that originally clouded your judgment have since somewhat dissipated. You finally have clarity, and it’s therefore up to you to choose whether or not you want to continue to pursue this relationship or not. Do you want to close the deal, or do you choose to walk away?

Many seduction stories reach this point where seduction alone simply isn’t enough to keep a relationship growing and moving forward. More is needed. An even deeper emotional bond and connection built upon mutual respect, understanding and trust is required. Only these relationships will survive beyond the seduction phase. Only these relationships will lead to lasting love and happiness.

Finally, it’s important to keep in mind that this isn’t the only path to seduction. The principles of seduction can follow many different and varying paths. The situation, the context and the people involved all influence how this process unfolds. Therefore use this article as a guide, but at the same time stay open to other possibilities that shape and influence the art of seduction.


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Adam is a life coach, mind mapper, doodler and visual thinker. He founded IQ Matrix in 2009 and has created over 350 self-growth mind maps. He also has a Free 40 Day How to Doodle Course where he teaches how to doodle using simple daily lessons. Read more about Adam's story, and how he created the concept for IQ Matrix. Feel free to also get in touch and send Adam a message here.