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Introduction

Becoming a Person of Influence has very little to do with the strength of your sales, negotiation or persuasive abilities. In fact, in some circumstances it’s not so much what you do, but rather what you refrain from saying or doing that has the greatest impact on your social interactions with others. And it is this seemingly insignificant difference that helps you establish deep levels of rapport with the people in your life; strengthening your character and enhancing your ability to gently influence others to your way of thinking.

This IQ Matrix Mind Map will specifically focus on the development of effective communication, listening and rapport creation habits that will enable you to become an extraordinarily influential force in other people’s lives.

• The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map delves into fundamental rapport building strategies that will help you gain deep admiration and respect from the people in your life.
• The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the habits of effective listening. It identifies the basic principles of listening and the barriers that usually prevent open and unbiased communication.
• The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map discusses the fundamental principles of vocal control and the communication strategies you must incorporate into your interactions with others that will help you become a person of influence.

The following article presents a brief overview of this topic in order to assist and enhance your understanding of the IQ Matrix Mind Map Poster. An in-depth report that breaks down each of these IQ Matrix segment branches – including an accompanying interactive workbook that will assist you in applying these concepts into your daily life – will be available at a later time.

Building Rapport from the Ground Up

The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map delves into fundamental rapport building strategies that will help you gain deep admiration and respect from the people in your life.

Rapport Strengthening Strategies

Our ability to develop deep levels of rapport with others, may very well be the most essential and critical social survival skill we may ever learn to master. Not only does it help to build trust, honor and respect, it also enables us to delve into the minds of those we interact with and peer through into their deepest thoughts, emotions and feelings that make up the building blocks of their personality.

Within this section we will explore a whole plethora of rapport building strategies you can immediately incorporate into your interactions with others. Keep in mind, that this is by no means a comprehensive list, but rather a starting point from which we can grow and expand our ability to relate with others at deep psychological levels of awareness.

As you read through each of these points, ask yourself how you can immediately apply this knowledge into your daily interactions with others.

Did you know, that the greater capacity you have to cultivate these behaviors into your habitual patterns of thinking and acting, then the more likely you are to create deep and longer lasting relationships with those who at times may seem closed-off and distant from your influence? Moreover, the greater the rapport you are able to establish with other people, than the more powerful of an influential force you will become in their lives.

What to Do

The following set of guidelines presents you with some simple yet very effective strategies that will assist you to create deep levels of rapport with other people. Keep in mind, that the greater the level of rapport you are able to develop with another person, than the more likely you are to influence them to your way of thinking and looking at a situation.

Admit to Personal Mistakes

People secretly despise those who will not admit to their own personal mistakes.

Many people believe that admitting one’s mistakes will label them as being incompetent and unworthy of their role or status. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Mistakes are actually the seeds of evolution and change, without which we wouldn’t grow and learn from our life experience. In fact, the entire history of our human species has been built upon the foundation of mistakes, without which civilization would not be possible.

When it comes to mistakes, it’s all about perspective, how you look at the situation, and how you explain the lessons you have learned to others. The bottom line is, other people don’t want to be around those who are simply incapable of admitting when they are wrong. They have very little respect for these types of people. And where there is no respect, there is simply no room for “influence”.

Admit Errors in Thinking

People will intuitively trust a human being more so than a computerized machine that is incapable of making errors. This is mainly due to the emotional connection and bond that we are able to build with other people. It is in fact within these emotional bonds that the origins of your influential powers lie.

Errors in thinking are basically any assumptions you have made and premature conclusions you have drawn that have proven to be incorrect. In many instances these assumptions may only be known to you.

To admit these minor errors in thinking, displays to other people 3 important things:

• That you are not perfect.
• That you are just like them (imperfect).
• That you have trusting emotional human qualities.

This by itself will build deep levels of rapport between you and the other person at a mostly unconscious level of awareness.

Ignore People’s Minor Social Mishaps

We have already clarified that we are not perfect. This therefore would suggest that nobody else is perfect either. For this very reason we must be tolerant and understanding of people’s weaknesses and social mishaps. The absolutely worst thing that anyone can do to destroy a certain level of trust and rapport with another person, is to tell them that they are wrong or that they made a mistake in front of others.

People are never going to do the right thing every time. For this reason, we must give them leeway, forgive their minor social mishaps, and even be there to protect them from possible social embarrassment by providing them with a quick escape route from the situation with their dignity intact.

Utilize People’s Names

From the youngest age we are conditioned to respond to our names swiftly and consistently. Our name is very much like a magnet that draws our attention and creates anticipation for the words the follow.

All of us have been psychologically conditioned to the sound of our name since the moment we came into this world. In most instances our name brings us great pleasure because it acknowledges our uniqueness and sense of self. And it is this craving for appreciation that we long for on a daily basis. We must therefore never deny others the sound of their Name presented to them with a pleasant smile and tone of voice. It is after all the sweetest sound of all, and will help you build deep levels of rapport with other people.

As a word of warning, remember that moderation is the key, and too much of a good thing will harm you in the end.

Smile Sincerely & Often

When new born baby comes into this world, a smile is nothing more than an automatic response that brings great pleasure and satisfaction into their lives. However, as we grow older and wiser, we begin to recognize that when our parents smile it means that they approve of us, that they care and appreciate who we are and what we do. We read these signals with keen eyes, and we smile in return, giving back the same love and appreciation we received.

As adults, we continue to seek the same appreciation we received from our parents long ago. When others give us a sincere smile, it makes us feel good, comfortable and secure within their presence. And it is these factors that help build deep levels of rapport between you and the people gifted with your smiles.

A wonderful quote by Dale Carnegie written in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People shows us how a smile is the perfect antidote for all dissatisfaction in life:

A smile is nature’s best antidote for discouragement.
It brings rest to the weary,
Sunshine to those who are frowning,
And hope to those who are hopeless and defeated.
A smile is so valuable that it can’t be bought,
Begged, borrowed, or taken away against your will.
You have to be willing to give a smile away
Before it can do anyone else any good.
So if someone is too tired or grumpy to flash you a smile,
Let him have one of yours anyway.
Nobody needs a smile as much
As the person who has none to give.

See the Other Person’s Point of View

It is so very easy to become lost in our own thoughts and perspectives, that often we simply fail to see things from the other person’s point of view. Our opinion is after all only one side of the coin. We have not gone through the other person’s thoughts, emotions, experiences and the like, and therefore find it difficult to see another perspective that is separated from our own.

Even though seeing another person’s point of view may seem difficult at first, it is not impossible. It just requires a simple shift in perspective and some clever questioning that will enable you to unlock another person’s thoughts, emotions and outlook on the situation. You don’t necessarily have to agree with the other person, all that is required is that you show that you understand them with a respectful open mind. This will consequently reveal to them that you share a set of common beliefs and values, which will enable you to develop deep levels of rapport.

Arouse People’s Eager Wants

Everyone wants something – whether they admit it or not. Your objective is to identify these “wants” and arouse the person’s desire to bring these “wants” to fruition. Moreover, show another person how you can help them get what they want with less hassle and as little inconvenience as possible. In this way you will develop an energy of intrigue, curiosity and will have greater influence over the other person’s decisions and actions.

A detailed account of the needs, desires and motivations behind all human behavior have been presented for you in The Psychology of Persuasion IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Fulfill People’s Lacking Needs

There is a clear distinction between what people Want and what they Need. Every person has certain and specific “needs” that they seek to satisfy on a daily basis. The fulfillment of these “needs” is critical to their continued functioning as a productive human being. Your goal is to first identify a person’s lacking “needs”, after which you must determine how to go about helping this person fulfill these “needs” in a way that fits their personal model of the world and is consistent with their psychological make up

We will discuss the process of “need” creation and how this fits into the MasterMind Matrix at a later time. For now if you desire to read more about the process behind human motivation as it relates to our “needs”, than please have a read of The Psychology of Persuasion IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Accept People without Condition

People want to belong, they seek the approval of others, and want to be liked despite their shortcomings or weaknesses. They also want others to accept them for who they are without conditions. And so, it is these types of people – who accept them without strings attached, – that gain their deepest trust, loyalty and support, and become the rocks that influence their daily thoughts, habits, behaviors and actions.

Become Genuinely Interested in People

There is no denying that the most interesting subject that keeps a person fascinated and intrigued all day long, has got their name written all over it. And it is this topic, more than any other subject that will win this person over to your way of thinking. For this very reason, it is critical that you become genuinely interested in other people. Ask them questions about what they like, where they’ve been, what they do, about who they love, etc. Most people can talk about themselves all day long without ever getting tired. And when everything is said and done, they will tell you how wonderful and fascinating you have been.

When you become genuinely interested in another person they will naturally grow in appreciation and admiration for you. And this will only help you to become a greater influential force in their lives.

Give People Honest & Sincere Appreciation

Whenever possible give others honest and sincere appreciation for their time, energy, help, thoughtfulness, and company. This will show people that you genuinely care about them, and it will thusly enable you to develop deeper levels of rapport and influence over their lives.

Acknowledge People’s Ideas & Accomplishments

Whenever possible acknowledge people’s accomplishments, abilities, desires, potential and ideas.

We all do things – to one degree or another – because we seek to be acknowledged for our skills and abilities by others. This acknowledgment breeds confidence and high levels of  self-esteem, which enables us to sour to higher grounds and achieve that which was previously out of reach.

When you get into the habit of consistently and openly acknowledging others for their achievements and ideas, you will awaken a deep sense of confidence in people that they will reflect back onto you, thusly building deeper levels of rapport and respect.

Make People Feel Important, Respected & Admired

We all seek to feel significant, important and in some ways unique and superior when compared with others. These feelings of admiration propel us forward to ever greater heights. And it is those people who trigger these powerful feelings within us, who receive our deepest respects and admiration in return.

What NOT to Do

In the previous section we discussed some fundamental guidelines that will enable you to develop deep levels of rapport as you interact with other people. The discussion that follows will break-down the opposite side of the coin by presenting you with half a dozen ways you could potentially break the rapport you have been working so very hard to create. It is important not to take these points lightly. After all, it is far easier to break the rapport you created with another person, than it is to build it up in the first place.

Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

There is nothing that will break the rapport you created with another person faster than the simple act of not keeping the promises you make.

When we make a promise to another person, they immediately create a set of expectations in their mind, upon which rests our integrity and goodwill. At the very moment when the promise is made, an invisible bond is created between the two of you. This bond is however only as strong as your “word”. So if for one reason or another you do not stand true to your word, than this will consequently cut the ties that bind you, and break any rapport you created or influence you had over this person’s emotional decisions and actions.

The general rule, is to simply not make any promises that you can’t keep. This even applies to small and seemingly insignificant things such as telling another person that you will call them in the morning. If morning passes and you have not called them, than this sends a message of doubt, and you automatically lose the power of influence.

On the other hand, how about telling a person that you will call them at 10 am tomorrow morning. The next morning comes around, and like clockwork, they receive a call from you at 10 am. What kind of message does this send to the other person? Have a really good think about it… because the answer may profoundly transform your life and how you relate to others.

Don’t Flatter People

Most people are not naive for very long. They will read you like a book the moment you try and “flatter” your way into their heart. This will naturally lead to “trust issues” that will immediately rip the bonds of rapport you have worked so hard to create.

Don’t Play Favorites with People

People always compare themselves with others, seeking to continuously distinguish themselves in some way, shape or form. This is all well and good, up until the moment you do the comparing for them and begin playing favorites. This may work for a short period of time, as long as nobody else finds out who you secretly like the most. However, when the cat is let out of the bag, the rapport you have been working so hard to maintain, will simply disappear as quickly as the mouse.

Don’t Play a Victim to Gain Sympathy

People generally don’t appreciate the company of those who purposefully do things in order to gain sympathy from others. These people are very often despised and looked down upon – certainly a very ineffective means of building high levels of rapport. Yes, it may work initially to some extent, however in the long-run it is like a “time bomb”, just waiting to go off without a moment’s notice.

Don’t Be a “Know it All”

When you come across in conversation as a “Know it All”, people will see you as being an Egotistical Brainiac who makes them feel worthless and insignificant.

It is important to allow people to shine, to show their true colors, skills, knowledge and talents, and not to steal this spotlight away from them. When you come across as a “Knowing it All”, there is simply no room for anyone else in the picture, and you consequently lose all hope of building deep levels of rapport with others.

Don’t Argue Unnecessarily

Some people argue because they have a deep conviction of what is right and wrong. Other people argue because they simple enjoy the emotional rush that the spirit of argument brings forth into every cell of their body. Some people would call this “rudeness”, while others would beg to differ and see it as a healthy sign of assertiveness.

There is no denying that being assertive is an important skill that is an essential part of a healthy personality. However, there are many situations where it really doesn’t matter whether we are seen as being right or wrong. During such times, it is important to think about the long-term goals of your relationship with this other person, and the potential consequences that may ensue if an argument threatens its stability. Ask yourself:

Would I rather be right? Or do I prefer to build deep levels of rapport?

Mirroring & Matching Tactics

Another very effective means of developing deep levels of rapport with other people is to mirror and match aspects of their life and behavior. By mirroring and matching another person, you are subconsciously telling them that you are just like them – having the same beliefs, values and opinions. This consequently opens us the channels of communication, trust, respect and the like.

Let’s briefly take a look at some of the key aspects of Mirror and Matching in a little more detail.

Mirror People’s Handshake

People will usually decide if they like you or not within the first 30 seconds upon meeting them. During this time they size up the geography of your face, the way you are dressed, how you talk, smell, present yourself, the amount of eye contact (or lack of it) you utilize, and maybe most importantly the quality of your handshake.

The quality of a person’s handshake says a lot about their personal character and the fundamental aspects of their behavior. We will not discuss the psychological aspects of a handshake here. What is important though, is to mirror and match the intensity, grip and strength of the other person’s handshake upon meeting them for the first time. Because a handshake is a reflection of a person’s psychological makeup, your handshake will show them that you are very much the same on a psychological level of awareness.

Seek to Establish Similarity

Your primary goal when mirroring and matching another person is to establish similarity in as many ways as possible. The more similarity you can establish between the two of you, than the greater level of rapport you will effectively create, and the more trust, respect and honor will be established.

Match Patterns of Behavior, Thinking & Speaking

Mirror and match how a person speaks. This includes their tone of voice, intensity, speed, and the words and phrases they consistently utilize.

How a person behaves can also be mirrored. Pay attention to their habitual patterns of movement that they make when they talk about a variety of topics. These movements will likewise provide you with an insight into their mind and patterns of thinking. You may actually find that by utilizing their words, phrases and movements, that you will begin to think like them, and will therefore be in a better position to predict their future decisions and actions.

Match Personal Beliefs, Values & Opinions

Pay careful attention to the words a person speaks, their interests, likes, dislikes, fears, problems, and the accompanying behaviors they make when discussing aspects of their life. All of these will provide you with an insight into their dominant beliefs, values and opinions that govern their daily behavior. Once identified, simply reflect back these same beliefs, values and opinions to show the other person that you are just like them in multi-dimensional ways. We will discuss the principles governing our beliefs and values in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Match Physiology

Matching a person’s physiology can help you establish deep levels of rapport very quickly, thusly enabling you to gather better insights into the other person’s mind and patterns of thinking.

Mirror the following characteristics of another person’s physiology:

• Posture
• Overall Levels of Energy
• Body Gestures
• Facial Expressions

Match Appearance in Clothing & Grooming

Our clothes distinguish us from other people, they give life and character, and help connect us with groups of like-minded individuals who share the same qualities and interests. In many ways, our clothes are a means of identifying with the world and connecting with people who see the world from our perspective. For this very reason, we must make an effort to match a person’s general appearance and clothing. This will effectively break-down the barriers of communication and allow us to enter the inner circle of this person’s social life.

Match Education & Lifestyle

Finally, most people tend not to relate well with those who differ in education or lifestyle. For this reason, we must make an effort to show another person that their lifestyle and level of education is to one degree or another reflected within us.

Lifestyle could include the clubs or organizations that the other person belongs to, their hobbies, interests, or even the places where they like to relax. Education could include the types of knowledge or skills they have acquired, the books they read and the magazine or journals they subscribe to. If you are able to find areas of similarity here, than you will effectively show the other person that you are of the same blood; and this will thusly help you establish deeper levels of rapport and influence over their life.

The Fundamentals of Effective Listening

The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the habits of effective listening. It identifies the basic principles of listening and the barriers that usually prevent open and unbiased communication.

Listening through Questioning

Effective listeners follow the 70/30 rule. They listen for 70% of the time, and talk for only 30% of the time. They also cultivate the habit of asking effective questions that enable them to dig deeper into the meaning and motives behind the words that the other person speaks.

Below is a list of typical questions that will enable you to better clarify what the other person is saying. The key is to memorize these questions and continuously cycle through them in your mind as the other person talks.

What is this person trying to tell me?

How do I feel about this?

How do they expect me to react?

Why are they telling me this?

What are their motivations?

The Principles of Effective Listening

Effective listening doesn’t simply involve hearing the words that are being expressed. It is a far more refined skill, that requires patience and discipline to cultivate and master.

What follows is a list of key guidelines and strategies that will enable you to cultivate the necessary habits and behaviors of effective and proficient listeners.

Attending Skills

As an Effective Listener, you must work on expanding your awareness and ability to recognize certain patterns of behavior that will enable you to gain deeper insights into a person’s message and its underlying meaning.

Here are two areas you should be paying particular attention to:

Body Language

A person’s body language will usually reveal a plethora of information about the thoughts and emotions that are hiding behind the words they speak. This can unlock unexpected insights, motivations and motives that will enable you to derive deeper levels of meaning into their message. Particularly pay attention to their body language in between the words they speak (during pauses). This may help reveal hints about their thought process and enable you to better understand their Needs and Wants.

Patterns of Speech

It is said, that it’s not so much the words we speak, but rather how we express ourselves, from which the meaning of our message is derived. For this very reason you must attend to the following key variables:

• Silences between the words.
• Word Emphasis & Spacing.
• Voice Level & Intensity.

Each one of these variables will provide you with a World of new insights about the other person that would normally be hidden from conscious view.

What to Do

When it comes to effective listening, there are certain and specific habits that if cultivated, will enhance your concentration, ability to understand, while at the same time enabling you to dig deep into the psychology of another person and unlocking the hidden meaning behind their words.

Subdue Your Inner Voice

Our inner voice could very well be the greatest hindrance to our understanding of another person’s message. The reason for this is 3-fold; we formulate an answer, reach a conclusion, or begin to judge the words that another person is speaking before they are finished getting their message across. For obvious reasons, this impedes our understanding of the message and damages the rapport we have worked so hard to create.

The solution is to progressively quieten the voice inside your mind by focusing your energy and attention outwards onto the other person and the intricacies of the message they are trying to get across to you.

Create Mental Pictures of Information

Our memory is most efficient when it is thinking in pictures. And this is most evident when we are completely absorbed in a conversation with another person. During these moments, we are able to recall a conversation effortlessly because the entire time our brain was formulating a series of pictures creating a memorable storyboard that was easy to remember. Conversely, when we are bored, our brain tends to drift and fall asleep. Spectacular wonderful pictures about other aspects of our life are envisioned, and as a result very little is remembered about the conversation.

The solution is to progressively turn another person’s words into associating pictures in your mind. In this way you will be better able to remember and recall the intricacies and details of their message.

Put Information into Perspective

As you listen to the content of another person’s message, it is important to put this information into perspective accordingly, otherwise you may miss the underlying meaning of the message, which could cause confusion and create misunderstandings. As a consequence, this may very well break the rapport you have created with the other person and damage your long-term relationship.

The solution is to take into account some key variables that can impact and influence the message that the other person is trying to get across to you.

Social Context

A social setting can influence and impact the message that the Speaker is trying to get across to you. In some instances certain social settings may prevent them from speaking freely, while other social settings allow them to open up and say what’s on their mind. An Effective Listener takes these possibilities into account and interprets the Speaker’s message accordingly.

Speaker’s Cultural Background

A Speaker’s cultural background and associating beliefs may influence the content, intentions and motivations behind their message. An Effective Listener fully understands that the same message relayed from a different cultural perspective, can differ in meaning quite significantly. They therefore take this into account when interpreting the content and intentions of the Speaker’s words.

Speaker’s State of Mind

People will say and do things in accordance with their dominant state and emotional frame of mind. When someone is upset they may say and do things that are normally not part of their everyday behavior. Conversely, the same applies when a person is overly happy, excited or enthusiastic. In such instances they will say and do things that may not represent their true intentions.

An Effective Listener realizes that how a person is emotionally, will influence the meaning of their message, and they therefore take the other person’s emotional state and intentions into account throughout their interpretations.

Speaker’s Life Experience

Every one of us has had a unique life experience to date. This experience has probably been filled with many disappointments and triumphs. Consequently, we have learned great lessons that have made us who we are today – providing us with a unique perspective on life, the world, and on our communication with others.

An Effective Listener understands that they must interpret another person’s message in accordance with their life experience, learnings and current circumstances. They fully realize that a person’s perspective and message is tinged with echoes of the wisdoms, learnings, mistakes and problems they have faced, failed at, and overcome, over the course of their lifetime.

The Influence of Peers

The presence of other people can significantly influence the message and information that another person is trying to get across. At times we will refrain from saying certain things or acting in a specific way because we are concerned that others may overhear us. For this very reason, an Effective Listener takes the influence of other people into account when interpreting the message of the person they are listening to. They carefully observe this person’s body language and eye movements in order to pinpoint where their attention is going, and they adjust their responses and analysis of the message accordingly.

Sort Facts from Fiction

It is so very easy to become emotionally drawn into a conversation, that we simply lose all scope of reality and don’t distinguish the facts from the fictitious information we are hearing.

People are emotional creatures, and as such they will always be tempted to bend the truth or tell a few white lies here and there. It is your job as an Effective Listener to distinguish between these fragments of information and question the person accordingly. Unless you are able to get to the facts, than you simply will not acquire a comprehensive understanding of the message you are hearing.

Listen to Emotional Content of Message

The words we speak are nothing more than labels and interpretations of our hidden emotional experiences and intentions. However, unless we see them from this perspective, we will never fully realize their significance or uncover their underlying meaning.

An Effective Listener understands that it is not so much the words, but rather the emotional undertones behind the words that are significant to the message the Speaker is trying to get across. In order to identify these emotions, an Effective Listener must observe the Speaker’s body language, demeanor, facial gestures, eye movements, and subtle biological signals as a whole. These provide hints of the underlying emotional undertones that lie hidden within their speech.

Summarize by Prioritizing Ideas

As you listen to another person speak, take time to routinely summarize what they have discussed in your mind; while at the same time prioritizing major ideas and points for further discussion.

Paraphrase by Seeking Understanding

Occasionally while the Speaker is conversing with you, take time to gain clarification and understanding of their message by paraphrasing what they have just said. This will show the other person that you are paying attention and listening to their message. Moreover, it signifies that you consider what they are saying as being relevant and important. This likewise helps build great respect and enhances the level of rapport within the relationship. Also, when paraphrasing another person’s message, take time to interpret what they have said in your own words.

Once you have completed your summary, simply ask the Speaker if you have understood them correctly. In this way you will effectively minimize any confusion, assumptions, or incorrect conclusions that you may have made while listening to their message.

Utilize Encouragers

Encouragers are simple “affirmative” words you can utilize throughout the process of listening. These Encouragers inform the Speaker that you are listening to them, and that you have understood the message they are trying to get across to you.

Typical Encouragers include:

• Yes…
• Aha…
• Okay…
• I see…
• Oh..
• I understand…
• Tell me more…
• That’s interesting…

Use Good Eye Contact

Good eye contact shows the Speaker that you have their attention, and are interested in what they are saying. It also enables you to focus in on the message and the accompanying subtle signals that will help you unlock the speakers true motives and emotional intentions.

As a word of warning, remember that too much of a good thing can lead to very undesirable consequences. You must therefore moderate your eye-contact accordingly in response to the person’s eye-contact and speech.

Use Expressive & Open Body Language

As you listen to the Speaker’s message, attend to your body language. Make sure that it is open, welcoming and expressive – encouraging and supporting the Speaker’s ideas and opinion. In this way you will develop higher levels of rapport and will thusly have greater influence over the Speaker’s future decisions and actions.

Wait 2 Seconds Before Replying

Sometimes we are just too quick to jump the gun, and end up interrupting someone who hadn’t yet exhausted their train of thought. In many instances the Speaker will pause for a moment to take a breath or gather their thoughts, and we will jump right in to say what’s on our mind. Effective Listeners clearly understand this trap, and therefore wait 2 to 3 seconds before replying. They want to learn as much about the Speaker’s message as possible, and will therefore take time to hear them out fully before stating their own opinion or asking further questions.

What NOT to Do

There are several unfortunate communication habits that will immediately break the rapport you have established with another person. One slip-up occasionally can be forgiven. However, if you consistently partake in the following communication sins, than you are surely losing the respect and admiration of those you interact with.

Don’t Interrupt Speaker

Almost nothing frustrates a Speaker more than being interrupted by another person in the middle of a sentence. It doesn’t matter how wonderful the information is that you are about to share. Just hold your tongue for the moment, cultivate the effective listening habits discussed above, and let the Speaker exhaust their train of thought. Only once the Speaker is silent, should you respond in turn.

Don’t Finish People’s Sentences

The one thing in the world that probably frustrates a Speaker more than someone who continuously interrupts them, is a person who consistently finishes their sentences. Yes, you might be showing the Speaker how clever you are by being able to predict their train of thought. However, on the flip-side, you are also sending the message of superiority and control that will inevitably break any rapport you have created with this person.

There are however instances where finishing off another person’s sentences can build deeper levels of rapport. Although these scenarios usually only occur between good friends or romantic partners.

Don’t Make Assumptions

We often rush to make unruly assumptions based on the limited amount of information we have collected throughout our interactions with others. Instead of assuming that what we have heard is true or false, simply ask the Speaker a set of probing questions that help unveil the mask of mystery.

Don’t Become Critical or Judgmental

Who are we to criticize or judge another person’s ideas or perspectives? Isn’t all information and knowledge just an opinion of our senses and calculations? Have these opinions not changed over time from generation to generation, and from one century to the next? If you have responded to these questions honestly, than you already have your answer.

You don’t necessarily have to agree with another person’s perspective, however be tolerant and understand that it is what it is, just a perspective.

As a final thought, we must remember that it is our internal judgments and criticisms that will create the impenetrable barriers that will block the channels of understanding, rapport and communication.

Barriers to Effective Listening

Becoming an Effective Listener requires the ability to cultivate and grow a set of fundamental skills that will open the channels of communication and promote greater understanding. On top of this, it also requires a deep awareness of the obstacles, challenges and barriers that may impede the Speaker’s message from getting through in the first place. And this is going to be the focus of this discussion.

Content of Message

The 1st Barrier to Effective Listening lies in the Content of the Message itself.

If the Speaker’s message is difficult to understand, unfamiliar, or simply isn’t of interest, than this will significantly impede the message from getting through to the Listener.

The solution is to ask a whole plethora of open-ended questions that will help you gain deeper insights and understandings into the topic under discussion.

Speaker & Listener Psychology

The 2nd Barrier to Effective Listening is hidden in the psychology of the Speaker and Listener.

At times the Speaker and Listener can be so vastly different from a psychological perspective that the message will simply be misunderstood, wrongly interpreted, or even lost completely. In other scenarios the Speaker may impede the Listener’s ability to hear with an unfortunate habit of movement or speech that distracts the Listener from the content of the message.

The solution is to work on developing deep levels of rapport and finding common ground that will enable you to open the channels of communication.

Environment

The 3rd Barrier to Effective Listening is the Environment.

An environment can be too noisy, hot, cold, bright, uncomfortable, wet, windy, stuffy or polluted. This environment will thusly manifest a whole plethora of distractions that will impede the message from getting through in its intended form.

The solution is to simply find an environment that has as few sensory distractions as possible.

Listening Filters

On the outside it appears that the words we hear another person speak just simply pass through our eardrums and into conscious awareness. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Everything that we hear actually passes through a set of psychological filters that we have cultivated over a lifetime. Each of these filters re-interprets the message to ensure that it is consistent with our deepest wants, desires, motives and our overall psychological make up. It is this psychological make up that determines how we interpret our World and the messages that people send our way.

Now that we are consciously aware of our psychological filters, let’s now take a journey through the message of a Speaker as it travels through our filters of interpretation. As you read through this section, keep in mind that the Speaker’s message doesn’t necessarily pass through each filter in chronological order. Instead it passes through all filters at more or less the same time in very quick succession (we are talking fractions of a second). In the end, it is the most dominant filters that will effectively determine how the Speaker’s message will be interpreted.

Filter 1: Ear

Here the Speaker’s message (words) pass through our eardrums, where they begin their long journey towards interpretation. All things being equal, we should be able to hear the entire message that the Speaker is getting across to us. However, this is rarely the case due to the 3 Barriers to Effective Listening we discussed above.

Filter 2: Selection

Next, the message passes through our Selection Filter. The Selection Filter effectively directs our focus and attention while interacting with others.

If for instance we are momentarily distracted by other sensory stimuli while hearing the message of the Speaker, than these words will naturally be re-interpreted and transformed ever so slightly – mirroring the stimuli that originally distracted us.

Filter 3: Culture & Social Class

The message now passes through the Cultural and Social Class filter. This filter is riddled with biased opinions and perspectives that are a reflection of a lifetime of social conditioning. At this point the message is re-interpreted to ensure that it fits in with our perception of social reality.

Filter 4: Personal Values

The message now sinks even deeper into the Values Filter. Our values are nothing more than emotional interpretations and labels for our experiences. We value that, which we consider to be important and worthy to our lives. We will therefore interpret the Speaker’s message in accordance with our highest set of values.

If for instance our highest value is to be loved, than we will consequently interpret the Speaker’s message from a perspective of love. If on the other hand we value security above all else, than we will effectively interpret the Speaker’s message from the perspective of security. Each of these values is significant and will ever so slightly alter the message of the Speaker to ensure that it fits with what we value most in this world.

We will discuss the Value Creation process in much more detail in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Filter 5: Beliefs

Next, the Speaker’s message passes through our Belief Filter. This filter is riddled with deep conviction about the world, ourselves, society and other people. It is tinged with biased perspectives, self-limitations and emotional assumptions. Anything we hear that simply does not fit in with our beliefs and convictions, we automatically reject at an unconscious level of awareness. This consequently prevents us from interpreting the Speaker’s message in the right context.

We will discuss the Belief Creation process in much more detail in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Filter 6: Emotions

Every moment of our day, we experience certain types of emotions that naturally effect our state of mind and how we interpret information coming from the external environment. Hence, the Speaker’s message will be re-interpreted in accordance with the current emotional state we are experiencing.

If for instance we are feeling joyful and fulfilled, than we will interpret the Speaker’s message in a positive light. If on the other hand, we are displaying the emotions of anger or frustration, than we will naturally interpret the Speaker’s message in a completely different way.

Filter 7: Personal Attitude

The personal attitude we bring into any interaction with another person, is simply a reflection of recent events, emotions and our personal experiences. And it is this attitude that will significantly influence how you interpret the Speaker’s message. Your attitude will either block you from understanding the true intentions of the Speaker’s message, or it will open up new doors of insight and realization.

Filter 8: Personal Decisions

Next, the Speaker’s message passes through our Decision filter. This filter is deeply entrenched in the habit of maintaining consistency. If the Speaker’s message does not seem to be consistent with your past choices and decisions, than you will subconsciously reject the message and interpret it accordingly. Because the Speaker’s message is taken out of context, this can very easily lead to disagreement and misunderstanding.

Filter 9: Memory

The final filter is our capacity to remember the message of the Speaker. If we are unable to recall the message that was shared with us in full, than this by itself can lead to misunderstandings and a plethora of incorrect interpretations. This actually occurs quite often, due to the persistent influence of the other filters and their capacity to unconsciously delete portions of the Speaker’s message, and replace these portions with personal biased opinions.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Is it really any wonder that only 25% of the Speaker’s message and true intentions are clearly understood by the Listener?

The best way to work your way around these Filters is to simply become aware that they exist in the first place. It is after all, only through conscious awareness, that you will develop the capacity to think more effectively and maintain a semblance of control over the influence that these Filters have on your interactions with others.

Listening Stages

There are 6 typical Stages of listening that reflect our level of proficiency and expertise as an effective listener. Each stage requires a different set of skills and a certain level of concentration and awareness.

If you take the time to incorporate everything we have discussed thus far into your interactions with others, than you will progressively climb the ladder and achieve the status of a Master Listener in very quick succession.

As we go through each of these Listening Stages, identify where you personally lie on the Effective Listener scale.

Stage 1: Glazed Eyes

At this Stage the Listener is listening to the message of the Speaker, however they are not hearing the words or making any sense of the message. They are in essence floating around in their own imaginary world, easily distracted by other stimuli, overwhelmed by their own inner voice, and really couldn’t care less about the message that the Speaker is trying to get across to them.

Stage 2: Automatic Response

At this Stage the Listener is vaguely paying attention to the message of the Speaker. They pick up on a few words here and there and respond in turn. However, their responses require very little thought and are often automatically generated empty words that have no real purpose or meaning.

Listener’s at this Stage often interrupt the Speaker while they are talking, while at the same time secretly judging and criticizing their message. This essentially prevents them from gaining a deeper understanding of the message that is being shared.

Stage 3: Can Answer Questions

At this Stage the Listener is able to answer questions about the Speaker’s message. They have paid attention to the overall patterns and words of the message and can as a result answer some simple questions. However, they have not as yet developed the capacity to summarize and prioritize the Speaker’s ideas, to put the Speaker’s message into mental pictures, paraphrase their understanding of the Speaker’s words or acknowledge their true intentions.

Stage 4: Can Repeat Last Few Words

At this Stage the Listener has developed good attentive skills, which enable them to repeat the Speaker’s last few words and gain marginal insights into the Speaker’s motives and intentions.

Stage 5: Can Tell Another Person

At this Stage the Listener is very well in-tuned with the Speaker’s message. They are able to read the Speaker’s body language, facial gestures, tone of voice, and can put the Speaker’s message into perspective. Moreover, if required, they have the ability to repeat what they have heard in precise detail to another person.

Stage 6: Ability to Teach Others

At this Stage the Listener has mastered all the listening fundamentals we have discussed within this branch of the IQ Matrix Mind Map. They are fully in-tune with the Speaker’s message, motives, desires and intentions, and are able to take the information they have heard and teach it to others easily and effectively.

Their understanding of the Speaker’s message goes well beyond words alone. Consequently they are able to identify with the Speaker on a variety of levels, and have built a detailed picture of the psychological makeup of the other person. They are in essence a Master Listener, who has succeeded in moving the Speaker’s message through each Listening Filter without the slightest misunderstanding, which has effectively helped them to develop deep levels of rapport and influence over the Speaker’s behaviors, words, decision and actions.

The Fundamentals of Effective Talking

The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map discusses the fundamental principles of vocal control and the communication strategies you must incorporate into your interactions with others that will help you become a person of influence.

What to Do

Communicating your message effectively to other people is very much an Art Form that can be learned and mastered over time. In many instances it is not so much what you say, but rather how you present the information you are verbalizing that has the greatest impact on the Listener. Your goal should effectively be to come across as being:

• Interesting
• Entertaining
• Informative
• Humble

These qualities will enable you to draw people into your message, and thusly allow you to become a greater influential force in their lives.

Here are some key guidelines that will enable you to keep people interested and focused in on your message from the beginning to the very end:

Utilize Humor

Effective use of humor breaks the tension, relaxes others, and sends the message that you are a carefree, fun loving person. This will enable people to open up, and will draw them in to your influence.

The use of humor in conversation is an intriguing topic that deserves more attention. It will therefore become the focus of a future IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Speak with Optimism

Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, we are naturally drawn to people who radiate an optimistic energy. For this very reason, we must focus our verbal language on accentuating the positive and bringing this to the attention of others.

Utilize Common Courtesy

Most people appreciate those who are polite and well mannered. In fact, common courtesy can go a very long way if used correctly. In many instances a simple “thank you”, “please”, or “I appreciate that” can be all that stands between you and the outcome you desire to attain.

Build People’s Confidence

People are naturally drawn to those who have an uncanny ability to make them feel pleasurable sensations of confidence, strength and self-belief. With that in mind, use your words and message to great effect, in order to help others build a confident state of mind. In this way you will gain a great deal of respect and self-confidence in return. Have a read of The Psychology of Persuasion IQ Matrix Mind Map for more information.

Seek Common Interests & Goals

When conversing with another person, we always look for cues that tell us that the other person is of the same makeup and genetic code. We unconsciously look for similar interests, goals and the like. When we find them, we are automatically drawn to the other person emotionally and logically.

Your objective here is to communicate in ways that show the other person that you have an wide array of common interests and goals. At first, these may not be evident on the surface, however, if you keep chunking your conversation down to the minuscule, or up towards the bigger picture, than you will surely find commonalities that will enable you to build high levels of rapport with the people you interact with.

Discuss People’s Problems

The one sure thing that will keep a person glued to your words is a discussion about their problems. Problems are the triggers and stimulator’s of deep and intense emotions. These emotions need to be vented in some way, shape or form. And what better way to do that than to talk to someone who is willing to sympathize with your plight.

“Talk and talk about people’s problems all day long, but never ever talk about your problems at all.”

Ask Neutral Questions

Asking open-ended questions is the best way to stimulate conversation with another person. However, in many instances these questions are tinged with biased perspectives and personal opinions that draw the other person away from their true feelings, emotions and intentions. When it comes to establishing good rapport with another person, than this is certainly not the way to go about it. Instead you should be asking neutral questions that will allow the person’s true motives, feelings and intentions to shine through.

As an example, here are two questions you can ask another person. One of them is persuasively biased and the other is neutral. Which one is which?

• Do you believe that your marriage will lead to a better life?
• How do you envision your life after marriage?

Which question is neutral, and which is persuasively biased?

The 1st question is persuasively biased, because it presupposes that the marriage will lead to a better life. The 2nd question is however neutral, because it makes no presuppositions and allows the person to respond in accordance with their true motives and intentions. Although, if your objective is to influence the other person to think a certain way, than you will certainly be better off posing questions that lead them in a specific “thought direction”.

Maintain Congruency

As you communicate with another person, pay particular attention to your level of congruency in word, thought, action and behavior. When you are congruent on all physical and psychological levels, this will unconsciously raise the “trust factor” between you and the other person, which will likewise lead to higher levels of rapport and personal influence.

What NOT to Do

Creating high levels of rapport with another person can take a lot of work and a great deal of time. Conversely, breaking that rapport can happen almost in an instant.

The following set of guidelines will help us avoid the pitfalls of substandard communication choices that will hurt our relationships with other people.

Don’t Assume Your Truths = People’s Truths

In many instances it is so very easy for us to assume that what we think, believe, and how we feel about a particular situation is simply a reflection of the other person’s perspective. This error in communication will immediately break the rapport you have created with the other person, and can lead to disagreement, distrust, and misunderstanding. All of which will immediately undermine your power of influence.

Don’t Discount People’s Feelings & Concerns

People are emotional creatures who require a great deal of love and support from others. Riddled with personal concerns and problems, they seek other’s support and understanding. And yet, what do most people do. They discount another person’s feelings and problems by saying, “Oh look, don’t worry about it, I’m sure you’ll get over it.” For most, this is like a stab in the heart, an ongoing pain that proves to them that people are only concerned about their own personal needs.

Don’t Tell People they are Wrong

Do you want to be right, or do you want to build rapport?

This is a question you must keep at the forefront of your mind at all times. There will be many instances when people will say things that are simply misunderstandings, or darn right wrong. If these opinions are minor in nature, simply agree and let them be.

If on the other hand, the mistake is significant and could potentially affect your livelihood, than you must gently and progressively help lead the person to the truth by asking an effective set of questions that will enable you to shift their perspective. The key is to be gentle and patient. Don’t push too fast or too hard, otherwise the other person may despise you for being more knowledgeable then them.

Don’t Discuss Personal Problems

People have enough problems of their own to deal with. Don’t burden them with yours. Talk about the other person’s problems instead, and make them feel important.

Don’t Provide Excessive Detail

Most people have a very short attention span of only a few minutes. Once this threshold is reached, they become bored, lose focus and attention. The solution is to keep your communication brief, pause regularly and allow the other person to clarify their understanding and have their say. Only in this way, will you come across as an interesting and intriguing communicator.

Don’t Reassure People

When the world is falling on top of people’s heads, don’t tell them that things will be Okay!

Unless you personally have the capacity and ability to make things better, than don’t even go there. The worst thing you could do is provide another person false hope about something that is unlikely to occur.

The simple rule here is, that if you personally can’t control the outcome than you should not be reassuring the person. Instead become a Life Coach by asking effective questions that will help clarify their thinking, and move them through their problems in an effective and efficient manner.

Don’t Give Unsolicited Advice or Solutions

Unless another person specifically asks you to provide them with a solution to their problems – just keep you mouth politely closed.

The one thing that people don’t want, is an unsolicited solution to their problem. This is a sure way to “gift” them with an inferiority complex that will immediately break any rapport you have worked so hard to establish. Instead, allow the conversation to continue and grow over the course of a few hours or days. Later, gently approach them with an interesting story you heard from a friend about a personal problem they overcome that surprisingly parallels their own personal challenges.

The covert approach always works better than going in with all guns blazing.

Don’t Exaggerate

Exaggerating is the equivalent of telling a White Lie. Yes it might not hurt other people, but it will surely make them despise you once they learn the absolute truth.

Watch your language when you talk with others, and stay on top of those words that give others the impression that you are exaggerating your story. People like others to be down-to-earth and to tell things how they are, without the fluff and cherry on top.

Of course when it comes to The Psychology of Persuasion, slight exaggerations may actually get you across the line, as long as this is undertaken in a covert manner.

Finally, Public Speaking requires a little emotional exaggeration, in order to build excitement and psychological power into your presentation.

Don’t Gossip

When you gossip about others behind their backs to your friends or colleagues, than it gives these people the impression that you also gossip about them when they are not around.

You can never establish deep levels of rapport with those you gossip with. These relationships are simply empty shells that echo the same story over-and-over again without an ending.

Don’t be Bossy

Adults simply don’t like others bossing them around or telling them what to do. As a matter-a-fact, teenagers don’t particularly appreciate this either.

The solution is to simply learn to ask effective questions that progressively and indirectly influence the other person to your way of thinking. Yes, it takes a little more time and effort, but the rewards will enable you to maintain high levels of rapport without the consequence of a Revolution.

Don’t Criticize or Judge Openly

Don’t criticize or judge other people, even if you don’t agree with their perspective or opinion. Instead, just keep your thoughts to yourself. After all, there is no need to place your hand in a boiling pot of water if you can use a spoon.

This does not mean that you shouldn’t stand up for what you believe. By all means please do so. But before you do, just ask yourself:

Do I want to be right, or do I want to establish rapport?

Vocal Speech Principles

Finally, when communicating with another person pay attention to the quality of your voice and speech. Make sure that it projects all the right attributes that you want the Listener to feel when you express yourself.

Here are some guidelines to assist you in this area:

• Speak with conviction and confidence.
• Utilize a moderate speed.
• Make use of effective pauses in speech.
• Speak articulately, in rhythm, with energy and resonance, while utilizing a deep controlled tone of voice.

Final Thoughts

Becoming a Person of Influence is a journey of discipline, awareness, understanding and compassion that takes time and patience to learn and cultivate into our daily habitual patterns of behavior. It is not something that can be developed overnight, and it’s certainly not a skill that can ever be perfected. Instead, we must learn to grow with the changing patterns of human behavior, with the changing social setting and the rules of interaction, and adapt our approach accordingly in order to maintain a high level of rapport that will allow us to be a powerful and positive influence over the lives of those we care about most.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any further queries or questions, or would like to share your experiences about this topic, than please do so in the comments section below.

Spotlight on the MasterMind Matrix

Becoming a Person of Influence is an important and indispensable component of the MasterMind Matrix.

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The MasterMind Matrix is a Psychological Chart of Personal Success and Achievement. It is used as an effective Self-Coaching tool that will help guide you through the personal obstacles, setbacks and limitations that may stand in your way as you progress towards the attainment of your goals and objectives in the field of academics, business, career, sports, or life in general.

Each IQ Matrix Mind Map that is available through this website represents a single cell fragment of the MasterMind Matrix. For more information and images, visit the MasterMind Matrix page.

Free Articles & Online Resources

Here are a number of highly recommended free articles and online resources that will further help expand your understanding about this topic:

• How to be Charismatic: Rudolph Valentino @ Life Coaches Blog
• 10 Ways to Improve Your Listening Skills @ Dumb Little Man
• How to Improve Your Social Skills @ Scott H. Young
• Improve Your Communication Skills @ Mind Tools
• Tips on Effective Listening @ Dr Nadig
• How to Mediate Difficult Communication Situations @ Learn This
• Difficult Conversations: How to Avoid Being Defensive @ Learn This
• Do You Make these 7 Body Language Mistakes? @ Positivity Blog
• Better Communication: Control Your Speaking @ Learn This
• Better Conversation: Collecting Life Stories @ Scott H. Young
• 5 Conversation Mistakes that Can Make You Look Dumb @ Positivity Blog
• 3 Skills to Improve Your Conversation @ Brian Tracy
• How to Really Listen to Someone @ Think Simple Now
• 6 Ways to Dramatically Improve Your Eye Contact Skills @ Change Your Thoughts
• 30 Tips for Getting Along with Others @ Abundance Blog
• 25 Ways to Build Stronger Friendships @ Life Optimizer
• 10 Tips to Increase Your Impact when Saying Thank You @ My Supercharged Life
• 10 Vital Actions to Inspire Others @ Enhance Life
• 9 Tips for Becoming a Better Listener @ Organize IT
• 10 Tips for Effective Conversation @ Sri Chinmoy Inspiration
• Dale Carnegie’s Top 10 Tips for Improving Your Social Skills @ Positivity Blog
• How to Improve Your Social Skills: 8 Tips from the Last 2,500 Yrs @ Positivity Blog
• 5 Reasons Why You Should Simplify What You Say, & How to do it @ Positivity Blog
• How to Make a Great First Impression @ Positivity Blog
• The Shy Person’s Guide to Talking to Strangers @ Pick the Brain
• The 10 Step Program to Becoming a Better Listener @ Dumb Little Map
• How Not to Suck at Socializing @ Lifehack
• NLP in Business: Achieving Trust by Building Rapport @ Mind Power Marketing
• Say Hi! @ Scott H. Young
• How to be More Social @ Scott H. Young
• The First Step to Effective Communiction @ Middle Zone Musings
• The Perfect Handshake: How to Shake Hands like JFK and Make an Impression @ The Daily Mind
• 106 Tips to Become a Master Connector @ Life Optimizer
• The Art of Taking Criticism @ Pick the Brain
• How to be Memorable @ Slow Down Fast

Recommended Products

Creating Irresistible Influence with NLP – Influence. What does that word mean to you? Imagine yourself without influence and you quickly realize that it is one of the most important skills you can learn. Creating Irresistible Influence with NLP, can open up an exciting new dimension in your life. One that can make life a more fulfilling adventure than you have ever imagined. All you have to do is apply this knowledge and make meaningful influence the magic that transforms your life!

Communication Mastery – The key to being successful, and in particular, to communicating the essence of who you are to others, is to make sure your actions deliver a consistent and compelling message. A message you have predetermined ahead of time will help you to achieve your highest goals and objectives. A Perfect Message.

The 5 Essential People Skills – Seventy years ago, when the legendary Dale Carnegie taught millions of people How to Win Friends and Influence People, he inspired an interpersonal revolution. In Five Essential People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflict, his legacy continues into the 21st century. Once you know and can readily employ these powerful skills, you will be well on your way to a new level of professional and personal achievement.

Conversation Power – You have just taken the first step to learning the “master skills of self-expression.” Renowned communications expert James K. Van Fleet will guide you through the most effective verbal communication strategies available for business, public speaking, employee relations, meetings, family, sales and even romantic encounters. You’ll learn surefire methods for striking up conversations, making lasting friendships from initial meetings, negotiating for services, and enhancing crucial communication lines between employees, colleagues, vendors and supervisors.

Recommended Books

• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• The Art of Influence: Persuading Others Begins With You by Chris Widener
• Becoming a Person of Influence: How to Positively Impact the Lives of Others by John C. Maxwell & Jim Dornan
• Power of Influence: The Rules Have Changed by Robert L. Dilenschneider
• People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts by Robert Bolton
• The Art of Talking So that People Will Listen: Getting through to Family, Friends & Business Associates by Paul W. Swets
• How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Ticks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes
• Difficult Conversation: How to Discuss what Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen & Roger Fisher
• Are You Really Listening?: Keys to Successful Communication by Paul J. Donoghue & Mary E. Siegel
• The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships by Michael P. Nichols
• How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less by Nicholas Boothman

If you would like to download a copy of this IQ Matrix, it is available from the IQ Matrix Shop.

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Introduction

How well do you really know the people in your life? For a moment, let’s take a short journey into the mind of a unique individual. As we step inside this “mind” we begin to grasp a picture of this person’s likes, dislikes, fears, thoughts, habits, beliefs, attitudes, preferences, rules, values and the like. We finally see them for who they really are, for what they stand for without camouflage or psychological deception, and we wonder… about the clues that their physical body leaves behind that will provide us with a deep unguarded insight into their mind.

This IQ Matrix Mind Map will specifically focus on unlocking the psychological ingredients that makeup a human personality. The knowledge and understanding you will gain from this analysis will provide you with a deep insight into people’s thoughts and motives no matter what their verbal language may suggest. This will likewise strengthen your persuasive and influential abilities to convince others to your way of thinking.

• The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map unlocks the human psychological recipe. It presents you with key signals you must attend to in order to gain a comprehensive insight into a person’s true motives, thoughts and intentions.
• The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the 4 common personality styles that make up human psychological behavior. Simply identify the traits and adapt your approach accordingly in order to influence these people to your way of thinking.
• The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map pinpoints the 3 Communication Personality types. Simply identify the traits and adapt your approach accordingly in order to influence these people to your way of thinking.
• The 4th Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map unlocks the science of deception as it relates to a person’s body language and biological signals. Attending to these subtle signals will help you to pinpoint the deceptive tactics that others utilize to convince you of their honesty.

Unlocking the Human Psychological Recipe

The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map unlocks the human psychological recipe. It presents you with key signals you must attend to in order to gain a comprehensive insight into a person’s true motives, thoughts and intentions.

Identification Questions

As you are attending to a person’s behavior, it is important to keep in mind several questions. These questions will enable you to gather ever deeper insights into the meaning and the motives behind the subtle signals that each person gives away throughout their day. Your goal is to rotate these questions continuously in your mind, up until the moment you gather the necessary understanding that will unlock the other person’s psychological recipe and enable you to influence their way of thinking.

What does this mean?

What does it reveal about this person?

How is this of significance?

How must I modify my approach to better influence their behavior?

Your Psychological Perceptive Abilities

The following presents you with a series of categorized signals that you must become aware of while communicating or interacting with another person. Each signal has a specific and definite meaning that will reveal a world of information about others. Unlocking these signals will enable you to gather the necessary information you need in order to win this person over to your way of thinking.

In the beginning, this can be a rather overwhelming process that requires concentrated effort, questioning and careful observation. It is very difficult to pick up on everything right from the onset. However, you must keep in mind that this is a journey of discovery that you will progressively learn from and improve upon over time. You should therefore begin by paying attention to only a few of these signals and variables. As you grow in proficiency, you can can include further additions to this recipe, up until the point you are able to unlock a person’s hidden personality and motives in a matter of a minutes.

All the while as you attend to these signals, make sure that you are continuously and persistently isolating each variable and asking the Identification Questions that will enable you to unlock each person’s hidden motives, needs and wants.

Attend to a Person’s Physical Signals

The Physical Signals that we will be discussing here include body language, facial language and the other person’s spoken language. Each of these signals will reveal a world of knowledge and understanding about the other person. However keep in mind, that the insights you acquire will all depend on your personal ability and on the concerted effort you make to unlock each person’s psychological recipe.

Body Language

Our body language reveals a world of insight into our hidden patterns of thinking and emotional self-control. In fact, it is said that our body language is the door to the mind that unlocks the true meaning behind our words and motives. However, it is only when we are able to gather the necessary insights about each subtle sign, that we are truly able to grasp an understanding into the mind of those whom we interact with.

The discussion that follows does not delve into the intricate details and meaning behind every body language gesture. That is something we will do at a later time in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map that will break down our subtle patterns of movement in great detail. Instead, this quick discussion will focus on a handful of global signals that will enable you to gather deep insights about the other person’s hidden motives, thoughts and behaviors.

Breathing Patterns

How another person breathes, where they breathe from and the rate, depth and rhythm of their breath will provide great insight into their hidden thoughts, motives and patterns of behavior. For instance, quick, short breaths high in the chest can signify nervousness and anxiety. On the other hand, slow rhythmic deep breaths that originate in the diaphragm can signify that the person is relaxed and carefree. However, if these deep breaths are sporadic in nature, than this could signify tension. It is therefore important to read each person’s breathing patterns on a case-by-case basis taking all other signals into account.

Finally, we must keep in mind that breathing patterns are also heavily influenced by the person’s communication style, which we discuss in the 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map. For the purpose of this discussion, you must therefore not observe so much their pattern of breathing, but rather the variations in their patterns of breathing from the norm.

Fidgeting

Fidgeting can reveal nervousness, uneasiness, discomfort or even boredom. Again you must put the fidgeting actions of the other person into the context of the social situation and into perspective against all the other signals you are attending to. It’s also not so much that the person is fidgeting, but rather how they are fidgeting and where their attention is going that will provide you with an insight into their thoughts and hidden motives.

Posture

A person’s posture will tend to reveal their current levels of energy, level of interest and emotional patterns of behavior. How a person stands, sits or slouches will help you to determine their mental frame of mind and alertness to you, your message, and the social situation you find yourself in. As a general rule, a person who is slouched over is in a very fragile state of mind, and most likely requires a little encouragement and confidence. They may not admit to it, but there is probably something on their mind that is bringing dissatisfaction to their life, and they may very well feel that it is something that is out of their control or beyond their capability.

On the other hand, a person who holds a good upright posture while standing or sitting, is usually in a positive frame of mind and is open to the message you are sharing with them.

Movement Patterns

How a person moves their body will determine what they are thinking and feeling at any one moment in time. Watch and observe the movements and patterns of their body while they listen or communicate with you. These subtle signals can reveal a world of information about them and their feelings towards you and your message that their words are simply not verbalizing.

While observing the other person, identify subtle movements that can be arranged into patterns. For instance the person may say something, then immediately touch their nose, tilt their head to the left and lick their lips. You actually notice that whenever they discuss a specific topic that they always tend to make this unconscious patterned movement. Now you must ask yourself the Identification Questions presented above to unlock the meaning behind this pattern of movements and how this is of significance to them, to you, and the social context you find yourself in.

Position of Arms, Legs & Torso

A person’s arms, legs and torso are very expressive aspects of their body language. In fact, how a person moves, positions or gestures with their arms and legs, will provide you with a deep insight into their current emotion and patterns of thinking. However, don’t just attend to these body language signals without connecting them to the external triggers that influence the other person. For instance, whenever you talk about a specific topic you notice that the other person crosses their legs and folds their arms. This defensive position should signify to you that the other person does not approve of what you’re saying or simply does not want to discuss this topic.

As you progress with the conversation, you begin discussing other subjects. This naturally brings about a change in the person’s arm and leg position. They uncross their legs and reveal their palms as a show of openness, interest and approval. Since you have great perceptive abilities, you therefore make the instant connection that your topic has sparked an interest and that the other person is now more likely and willing to agree with you. This in essence is the only way you will be able to persuade them to your way of thinking.

The torso is another important aspect of body language. In general terms, where the other person’s torso is pointing, is where their attention is going. Therefore, if their torso is pointing away from you while you are conversing with them, than you must take this as a sign of disinterest and a desire to escape this social interaction. Yet, on the other hand, if the other person’s torso is pointing towards you, than you can be certain that you have captured their interest, and they will therefore be more susceptible to the influence of your words and actions.

Finally, it is critical to keep in mind that when it comes to body language, nothing is every laid in stone. Everyone will utilize a variety of alternating patterns of body positioning and movement that is dependent on the social context of the situation, their current state of mind and other variables that you must pinpoint throughout your interactions.

Facial Language

The face is probably the most expressive parts of our body. However, in many instances the expressions will be very subtle, and thusly, it will be easy to miss the signals if we are not paying attention.

There are essentially 4 aspects of facial language that you should be paying attention to. One of these aspects we will not discuss here. It is known as Face Reading, which basically unlocks the meaning of each geographic feature of a human face and the psychological traits that accompany it. Face Reading is quite an extensive topic and we will therefore dedicate an entire IQ Matrix Mind Map to help unlock the secrets behind this unusual science.

The other 3 aspects of facial language include gestures, biological responses, eye movement and behavior. Let’s break-down each of these aspects below in a little more detail.

Gestures

Facial gestures can reveal a world of information about a person’s thoughts, feelings and motivations. To become a great facial observer you must attend to the following:

• Lips and the movement of the tongue.
• The different types of smiles and frowns utilized.
• Eye movement and patterns of blinking.
• Squinting of the eyes.
• Where the person looks as they listen and converse with you.
• Eyebrow movement.
• Tension of facial muscles.
• Wrinkling of the nose and forehead, etc.

Each of these signals will help you to unlock different aspects of the person’s thoughts and feelings. However, you must pay careful attention to the patterns of these movements while at the same time identifying the triggers that stimulate them.

Paleness or Blushing

As you are observing a person’s face, pay careful attention to the changing colors and intensity of their skin-tone. Certain things you say may in very subtle ways affect the other person at a deep emotional level. In such instances, a person may not express how they are feeling through their body language or facial gestures, however you will see it as clear as daylight in the changing color of their face.

Barring any medical conditions, as a general rule when a person’s face takes on a lighter color (paleness), this usually signifies that they are scared or shocked by what they just heard or observed. On the other hand, when a person’s face takes on a darker color (blushing), this usually signifies embarrassment, disagreement or anger. Again you must put these into the context of the situation that the person finds themselves in, and interpret accordingly.

Pupil Constriction & Dilation

Identifying pupil variations also requires a good keen sense of awareness.

When the pupils of the eyes are dilated (large) this signifies that the person is relaxed, enjoying your company, open to your ideas, or madly in love with you . On the other hand, when their pupils are constricted (small) it can signify that they don’t agree with what you are saying, or simply don’t believe or trust you.

You must keep in mind that pupil dilation and constriction is heavily influenced by the lighting of the environment and the general state of mind and health that the person is experiencing at any one moment.

Spoken Language

Spoken language can reveal more about a person than words alone. In fact, it is not so much from the words themselves that you will derive the person’s hidden agenda or train of thought, but rather from the meaning and the emotional content hidden behind the words they utilize in conversation with you.

Here are some aspects of the spoken language that you must pay particular attention to if you seek to unlock a person’s psychological recipe:

Words Utilized

Pay attention to the specific words that the person utilizes while conversing with you and others. These words will reveal some of the following aspects of their personality:

• Personal biases about certain and specific topics.
• Levels and degrees of exaggeration.
• Hidden interests and agendas.
• Misunderstandings and assumptions.
• Facts or fictitious opinions and ideas, etc.

Once you are able to pick up on these subtle signals, you will be better prepared to adjust your conversation strategy accordingly to influence the other person’s thinking processes.

Emotional Undertones of Words

A person’s true intentions and motivations lie hidden behind their words, and not within the words themselves. As such, you must pay careful attention to the emotional undertones of the words that the other person uses. These emotional undertones can be identified through their tone of voice, body language and the facial expressions that the other person uses while communicating with you. For this very reason it is important to become aware of the bigger global picture as it relates to a person’s psychological makeup. It is only by reflecting on this “bigger picture” that you will be better able to unlock the other person’s psychological recipe.

Silences Utilized

Sometimes it isn’t so much what the other person says that reveals a world of information and insight about them, but rather the keys are hidden in what they don’t say and within the silences between their words.

When asking a person a direct question, pay attention to their answer, while at the same time making a mental note of what they didn’t say or talk about.

What does this tell me about this person’s hidden motives and intentions?

When a person pauses between their words, pay very careful attention to their body and facial language. This could very well provide you a world of insight into their patterns of thinking and emotional frame of mind.

What is this person doing with their face and body during these silences?

What does this tell me about this person’s hidden motives and intentions?

Physical Signal Variations

So far we have discussed and presented a variety of key physical signals that we must be aware of if we seek to unlock a person’s hidden thoughts, emotions and motives. Now we come to a realization that each of these signals can vary and are dependent upon some key factors that we must consider before rushing to make a series of assumptions about the person’s psychological recipe.

Cultural Background

A person’s physical behavior, gestures, words and actions may be significantly influenced by their cultural background and traditions. Hence we must interpret all their signals in accordance to the traditions and behaviors associated with their cultural heritage. To do this, you must learn about their cultural standards and norms, and adjust your interpretations accordingly.

Social Setting

A person’s physical behavior, gestures, words and actions may be significantly influenced by the social setting they find themselves in.

Most of us are very self-conscious about what we do and how we behave under certain social conditions. For instance, there are a variety physical signals and gestures that you would utilize at a party that would be considered completely inappropriate at a funeral.

We are very much like Chameleons who change color (behavior) dependent on the social setting we find ourselves in. This is why it is important to read into a person’s thoughts, emotions and motives in accordance to the social setting and the unspoken behaviors that are common practice in such instances.

Environment

A person’s behavior, gestures, words and actions may be significantly influenced by the environment they find themselves in. In some instances a specific kind of environment will tend to relax a person, while in other instances it may cause stress and anxiety. For this reason it is very important for us to interpret their thoughts, emotions and motives in accordance to their surroundings.

Demographics

A person’s behavior, gestures, words and actions may be significantly influenced by their demographics. Demographics may include:

• Age
• Gender
• Marital Status
• Employment Status
• Occupation
• Religion

Each of these variables will certainly influence how a person’s physical signals manifest in the real world. Hence you must interpret all these signals accordingly and in consideration of the demographic variables presented above.

Physical Health

A person’s behavior, gestures, words and actions may be significantly influenced by their physical health and ability.

A great many people’s thoughts, emotions and motives have been misinterpreted because of ill-health. Under these conditions people may significantly alter the movement of their body, their facial gestures, words and the like. Hence it is important to remain observant at all times and not jump to conclusions before determining that the other person is of sound mind and not affected by any physical ailments that may influence their behavior.

Attend to Person’s External Appearance

A person’s external appearance can provide you with a world of information and insight about their thoughts, emotions and habitual patterns of behavior. For instance a person with sound grooming habits who wears a pleasant cologne or perfume, and dresses well will naturally project a different set of qualities, personality traits and habits of behavior than a person who looks scruffy, smells of body odor and dresses in rags.

Above all else it is important not to judge a book by its cover. However, in such instances we must take this information and put it into context with all the other variables and signals we have been collecting about this person. Only in this way can we effectively piece together the puzzle that will unlock their personality equation.

Attend to Person’s Personality Building Blocks

The building blocks of personality are discussed in great length within the MasterMind Matrix Chart. Some of these building blocks manifest themselves on a conscious level of awareness, while others such as beliefs and values manifest at an unconscious level. The discussion that follows isn’t going to delve into too much detail about these aspects of personality, as the MasterMind Matrix Chart already covers this information. However, we will touch upon 4 key variables that you must attend to that will reveal a world of information about other people.

Beliefs

A person’s beliefs will determine what actions they regularly take and what decisions they will consistently make. Moreover, these beliefs will also determine what this person will never do or partake in; given that these activities go against the grain of their common belief patterns.

A significant aspect of the beliefs process is unlocked within the context of religion. All religions have a set of rules, standards, or commandments that they naturally expect their followers to abide by. Breaking these rules will inevitably lead to moral consequences leading to undesirable circumstances. Your first objective is to identify if the person you are interacting with has a set of religious beliefs. If they do, than your next step is to determine the level and conviction of their beliefs. Once you have this information you will be better able to predict their behavior, thoughts and emotional patterns, which will thusly enable you to influence them accordingly.

Religion is however only a very small aspect of the belief process. We have many more beliefs pertaining to life, love, self-expression, work, play, etc. All of these beliefs determine the decisions we will make and the actions we will take on a daily basis. The more thorough you are at identifying a person’s beliefs, than the more insight you will gain into their personality and you will thusly be better able to predict their future behavior.

To unlock a person’s belief patterns simply ask effective open-ended questions about their opinions and thoughts in respect to certain and specific situations. After which, you must listen to the words they speak and the accompanying physical expressions they make. All of these signals will provide you with a clear insight into the person’s belief systems. There is a great deal more that could be said about our belief systems and their effect on our lives. We will therefore dedicate an entire IQ Matrix Mind Map to Beliefs at a later time.

Values

Values like beliefs, will help you unlock a person’s decision making process and assist you in predicting their future behavior and patterns of thought and emotion.

All of us have an unconscious ranking system that we assign to our emotional experiences. Specific event will make us feel certain emotions that lead to either pain or pleasure. We interpret these events and give them a ranking from most pleasurable to least pleasurable. Hence we may associate the highest feelings of pleasure in the following order:

1. Hard Work (most pleasurable)
2. Love
3. Health
4. Adventure
5. Security (least pleasurable)

In accordance with this list, this person values Hard Work above all else. Hence they are very likely to sacrifice their health and relationships (love) in order to spend more time at work. This will likewise provide you with a clear insight into this person’s decision making process and will thusly enable you to better influence their behavior in accordance with their hierarchy of values.

The process of Value Creation and how this effects our decisions and actions is another extensive topic that deserves an entire IQ Matrix Mind Map explanation. We will therefore discuss the fundamental aspects behind Value Creation and how to identify the hierarchy of values in another person at a later time.

Attitude

A person’s attitude is the manifestation of their personality as it clashes with the unpredictable circumstances of their external environment. Pay careful attention to how a person reacts to specific events and circumstances within their environment. This will reveal their attitude and a plethora of other mysteries that lie hidden in the recesses of their mind.

Strengths & Weaknesses

We all have a set of “perceived” and “actual” strengths and weaknesses. The first we recognize via our own personal biased perspectives, while the second lies in a field of ignorance. It is important when you are interacting with another person, that you determine and make a distinction between both; the Perceived and the Actual. This distinction will help you to unlock a variety of personality characteristics that you can utilize to influence the other person to your way of thinking.

A person’s strengths and weaknesses are revealed through their words, body language, gestures and actions. The key is to remain vigilant, and once identified, to determine how you will utilize this information to your advantage.

Attend to Person’s Life

How a person lives their life, their interests and hobbies, the roles that they play, and their goals and objectives can reveal a world of mystery and intrigue, and will go a long way towards unlocking their psychological recipe.

Personal & Professional Roles

Everyone plays certain and specific Roles throughout life. We play roles as:

• Students
• Parents
• Business Professionals
• Teammates
• Friends, etc

Each of these Roles are accompanied by a set of decisions, actions, beliefs, emotions, and a whole plethora of psychological characteristics. How a person behaves while undertaking one Role, will most likely be very different when compared with the responsibilities that other Roles bring to the table. You must therefore take this into account when interacting with another person. The following set of questions will help you to gain some clarity:

What Role is this person currently playing?

How does this Role effect their thoughts, emotions, decisions, behavior and actions?

What insights does this provide me about their psychological recipe?

Above all else, keep in mind that “Roles” do not create the person, they are only one aspect of this person’s psychological makeup. Your objective is to unlock all the ingredients of the package and not only one piece of the puzzle.

Interests & Hobbies

What a person is interested in will help to reveal their hierarchy of values. You can also utilize this information to great effect to entice, motivate and create a common bond around similar interests that will likewise make the other person more susceptible to your influence.

You can determine a person’s hobbies and interests through simple conversation and by utilizing open-ended questions.

Goals & Objectives

By gaining an insight into a person’s goals and objectives, you are in essence unlocking their priorities and motivations that drive them forward on a daily basis. Your goal in any interaction is to pinpoint these objectives while at the same time searching for ways to find common ground that will enable you to develop deeper levels of rapport with the other person.

Attend to a Person’s Social Dynamics

For the purpose of this discussion, Social Dynamics are aspects of a Societal way of life. Attending to these aspects of a person’s life, will enable you to better predict their motives, beliefs, values, behaviors and actions.

Wealth

A person’s financial status will more often then not determine the:

• Decisions they make on a daily basis.
• Places they visit.
• Things they buy or resist purchasing.
• Social groups they relate to.
• Pleasures they seek.
• Values and Beliefs they cultivate within their mind, etc.

There is literally a plethora of things that one must consider and take into account here. The key however is to be vigilant and base part of your psychological interpretations on a person’s financial status.

Social Background

In the same fashion as was discussed for Wealth, a person’s Social Status will effect their daily thoughts, behaviors, decisions and actions. It is therefore a critical aspect of a person’s life that must be accounted for if you seek to unlock their psychological recipe to its full extent.

Level of Education

Education is like a balloon, the more you learn the bigger the balloon gets. Sometimes it even pops when it grows too big .

In all seriousness, education provides people with a different perspective on love, life, heartache, etc. These new perspectives dramatically alter a person’s beliefs, values and attitude to others and the world around them. Hence, it is critical that you take a person’s level of education into consideration throughout this process.

Attend to Situation Specific Behaviors

Situation Specific Behavior relate to the actions a person takes and the decisions that they make when encapsulated by certain social settings. Each of these social settings will provide you with unique insights about the person’s patterns of thinking and emotional self-control. Let’s take a look at a few of them briefly:

Influence of Peers & Role Models

Most people will behave differently as a direct result of the characteristics of the people within their social sphere of influence. Pay particular attention to a person’s decisions, actions and the subtle physical movements of their body and face while others are interacting with them. These signals will reveal a world of intrigue about them and how they relate to other people.

A person’s Role Models – the people they look up to for guidance and support – will also heavily influence their behavior, decisions and actions. It is therefore your responsibility to determine whom they aspire to, and how this influences this person’s patterns of thought, values, beliefs and emotional life.

Consumption of Food & Beverages

It is often said that “we are what we eat”. In a lot of instances this isn’t too far from the truth. The food that a person eats and the beverages they consume will provide you with insights into their values and beliefs. It may also reveal even deeper insights into their motives and underlying patterns of thought.

Patterns of eating can also reveal a person’s underlying health or state of mind. Some people will eat small meals because they want to lose weight. Others will eat high protein meals because they want to put on muscle. Suddenly you have unlocked aspects of this person’s life without ever talking to them. Of course eating small or high protein meals could signify a whole variety of things. But that’s not the point. The point is to gather a comprehensive understanding about the person from all angles and perspectives. Once you have all these variables clearly presented in your mind, you will be in a better position to influence them to your way of thinking.

Communication Style

Pay particular attention to a person’s style of communication. People essentially fall into 3 categories:

• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthetic

The characteristics accompanying each of these styles will be discussed in the 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Social Specific Behavioral Tendencies

We must always keep in mind that people will reveal different aspects of themselves under a variety of social and emotional circumstances. You therefore never really know a person until you have seen them:

• Alone (at least when they think they’re alone).
• In a variety of social settings.
• When they are relaxed and at play.
• When they are working.
• And when they are stressed out of their mind.

Only once you have seen people in all the above scenarios, can you truly gather a clear picture of who they are. Let’s now take a look at some of these situations in a little more detail:

Behavior when Alone

When a person thinks that they are alone or that nobody is watching, they will very likely put down their social mask and reveal their true colors. People usually put on a show for others in social situations. We all want to be liked, appreciated and want to fit in with the crowd. Hence we will act, respond and do things that may go against the grain of our normal patterns of behavior.

Behavior when Stressed

It is said that, you don’t really know a person unless you have seen them stressed out of their mind. When people are experiencing high levels of stress, they no longer have the strength or capacity to hide their true characteristics or intentions from the world. Hence, it is these PEAKS of high emotion that reveal a person’s deepest and darkest secrets. On the other hand, it could very well reveal a surprising positive aspect of their personality that displays their strength and ability to persist beyond the problems confronting their current reality.

Behavior when Relaxed

When a person is relaxed they may drink a little bit of alcohol, say things that they normally would hold back, or simply display characteristics that where hidden from public view. For this reason it is important to take the person outside of an unfamiliar environment and into a relaxed atmosphere that will allow them to kickback and reveal what is truly on their mind.

Behavior when Socially Interacting with Others

People will respond in a variety of ways to different types of people that they interact with on a daily basis. It is your objective to observe their behavior, decisions and actions throughout these periods of interaction. Determine how this person responds to people of a different culture, social status, educational background, gender, etc. Above all, keep in mind, that how this person acts, talks and expresses themselves around you, may be a very clear reflection, as to how they are with other people. Therefore if they talk dirt about others when they are not present, than you can be almost assured that they are doing the same to you.

Overall Congruency

Given all that we have discussed thus far, you must finally pay attention to the level of congruency that this person displays at any one moment, and also over time. Ask yourself:

Do this person’s beliefs, values, body language and gestures match their words, or are their inconsistencies?

What do these inconsistencies reveal about their patterns of thought and emotional frame of mind?

Influencing the Human Personality Styles

The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the 4 common personality styles that make up human psychological behavior. Simply identify the traits and adapt your approach accordingly in order to influence these people to your way of thinking.

Socializer Personality

The Socializer Personality style is direct and has a people oriented nature.

Style

• Direct
• People Oriented

Traits

A Socializer Personality will generally tend to display the following set of traits:

• Requires love, support & popularity
• Is achievement oriented
• Displays a nurturing and caring attitude
• Displays concern for Others
• Is a relationship builder
• Enjoys being at the center of attention
• Has a very talkative nature

Influenced by…

You will usually have great success influencing a Socializer Personality if you utilize the following set of guidelines:

• Give Regular Compliments
• Show sincere Interest
• Talk about other people
• Avoid arguments
• Communicate passionately
• Listen attentively
• Get them involved in activities
• Buzz with high levels of energy
• Ask questions about them
• Be positive and outgoing
• Make them the center of attention
• Give warm and inviting facial gestures

Analyzer Personality

The Analyzer Personality style is indirect and has a task oriented nature.

Style

• Indirect
• Task Oriented

Traits

An Analyzer Personality will generally tend to display the following set of traits:

• Is attentive to detail
• Thinks in logical steps
• Inverts feelings
• Concerned with accuracy
• Delays decision making
• Makes decisions “by the book”
• Is very private
• A systematic problem solver
• Has a very loyal and honest nature
• Enjoys working solo

Influenced by…

You will usually have great success influencing an Analyzer Personality if you utilize the following set of guidelines:

• Take on a serious approach
• Present solid facts, stats and data
• Provide precise details
• Provide logical and methodical sequences
• Don’t exaggerate
• Allow them thinking time
• Confirm things in writing
• Talk about specifics
• Talk slowly in sequence
• Provide them with detailed feedback

Relater Personality

The Relater Personality style is indirect and has a people oriented nature.

Style

• Indirect
• People Oriented

Traits

A Relater Personality will generally tend to display the following set of traits:

• Outspoken
• Enthusiastic
• Spontaneous
• Gets bored quickly
• Is a great listener
• Sensitive to Other’s opinions
• Acts and talks persuasively

Influenced by…

You will usually have great success influencing a Relater Personality if you utilize the following set of guidelines:

• Speak with deep conviction
• Display a passionate attitude
• Present a caring and patient disposition
• Acknowledge their feelings
• Show your agreement
• Compliment their opinions

Director Personality

The Director Personality style is direct and has a task oriented nature.

Style

• Direct
• Task Oriented

Traits

A Director Personality will generally tend to display the following set of traits:

• Socially insensitive and impatient
• Has poor listening abilities
• Goal oriented
• Very competitive
• Has strong self-belief
• Acts strategically, quickly and decisively
• Independent thinker
• Strong willed
• Results oriented and driven
• Precise in decision and action
• Very controlling
• Born leader

Influenced by…

You will usually have great success influencing a Director Personality if you utilize the following set of guidelines:

• Show them respect
• Support their goals, ideas and plans
• Do not argue with them
• Talk quickly, succinctly and realistically
• Discuss their great ideas and the bigger picture
• Get to the point quickly
• Utilize “power” words that stir up emotion
• Compliment their ideas

The Sensory Communication Types

The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map pinpoints the 3 Communication Personality types. Simply identify the traits and adapt your approach accordingly in order to influence these people to your way of thinking.

The 3 Communication Types

Here we will briefly discuss the 3 communication types, how to identify them, and the strategies you can utilize to influence these people’s behavior. This is by no means a comprehensive discussion about this topic, but rather only an introduction that will help you to gather insight into human behavior at yet another level of understanding.

Each one of us naturally favors a certain communication style over all others. You either have a visual, kinesthetic or auditory nature. Your nature will essentially determine how you acquire, communicate and take information in from the external environment. In a previous IQ Matrix Mind Map we discussed Multi-Sensory Study Skills and how they can be applied to learning. Here we will discuss how we can identify a person’s dominant sensory type and utilize this to better influence their behavior.

Before we begin, it is important to understand that when we communicate on another person’s “sensory level” we naturally develop high levels of rapport. This signifies to the other person that the both of you have a great deal in common. They will therefore be far more willing to relax, communicate freely, and open up to your influence and suggestions.

Visual Sensory Type

A Visually oriented person predominantly utilizes their eyes to collect information about their external environment. They tend to breathe quickly from high up in their chest, and they speak at a furious tempo. Visually oriented people tend not to be great listeners as they are often distracted by the colors and movements of their environment. Finally, they often utilize visually descriptive words when talking about people, events and their environment.

Auditory Sensory Type

An Auditory person predominantly utilizes their ears to collect information about their external environment. They tend to be very rhythmic in nature, speak at a moderate pace and they enjoy listening intently to others. You may often find them listening to a conversation with their head tilted slightly in one direction. Finally, they tend to utilize auditory “sound” words to describe people, events and their environment.

Kinesthetic Sensory Type

A Kinesthetic person predominantly utilizes “touch” and “feeling” to collect information about their external environment. They tend to speak with a very slow and methodical nature. They also breathe deeply from their diaphragm, and will often look down to gather their thoughts and feelings. Finally, Kinesthetic people tend to utilize words that are coated with deep feeling and emotion.

Visually oriented people tend to become rather impatient with the Kinesthetic sensory type, due to the differences in the speed of thought and speech. On the other hand, Kinesthetically oriented people tend to become confused when communicating with Visual people, due to the variations in the speed of communication.

Influencing Behavior

You will find it rather difficult to influence someone to your way of thinking if you communicate in a style that goes against the way they perceive, interpret and describe their world. For this very reason we must all learn to match and mirror the other person in accordance with their communication orientation. Hence, we would mirror a person’s vocal rhythm, the words they speak, their breathing patterns, and anything else we can observe that is a natural outcropping of their communication type.

Keep in mind that while you are mirroring and matching a person’s communication type, you must also pay particular attention to their psychological recipe (1st Branch) and their personality style (2nd Branch). Only in this way will you unlock their Personality Equation, and consequently open them up to your influence.

The Science & Tactics of Deception

The 4th Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map unlocks the science of deception as it relates to a person’s body language and biological responses. Attending to these subtle signals will help you to pinpoint the deceptive tactics that others utilize to convince you of their honesty.

Questions to Ask

Unlocking a person’s hidden motives and deceptive tactics requires careful observation, attention to detail and an effective means of thinking that will help you to unlock the other person’s true intentions.

In order to improve our ability to recognize other people’s deceptive tactics, we must cultivate the habit of asking 3 key questions that will help reveal new insights and understandings into other people’s behavior. These questions are probably very familiar, as they were mentioned on the 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map where we discussed how to unlock a person’s psychological recipe. Both branches are actually fundamentally important to the process of identifying deception in others.

What does this mean?

What does it reveal about this person?

How is this of significance?

The Subtle Signals of Deception

As a human species we don’t always tell the truth all of the time, due to a variety of personal reasons and circumstances. In fact we have become so proficient at deception that for some, it has become an art-form of sorts that involves careful preparation and attention to detail. Yet, as much as people may try and hide their true intentions, there is one overriding catch; we are all psychologically human, and as such we all display a series of unconscious and semi-conscious patterns of behavior that are predictable and commonplace. And it is these behaviors that unlock the secrets of our deceptive ways.

What follows is a brief discussion presenting a few common signals that will help you unlock another person’s deceptions. This is by no means an comprehensive list, but rather focuses primarily on a person’s body language and biological responses. Keep in mind, that you must never judge a person’s intentions or motives based on only one or two isolated signals. Instead, take everything that was discussed in the 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map into account and piece it together with the signals of deception you are collecting here. Only then will you have a complete picture of the person and will be better able to judge whether or not their intentions are true.

The Eyes

It is said that the eyes are the window to the soul. In this case the eyes are also the windows that reveal a person’s deceptive ways.

Pay attention to the following common signals of deception:

• Eyes shut while talking
• Pupils are constricted (small)
• Avoiding to make eye contact with you
• Erratic blinking

The Face

The biological responses of the face are the primary telltale signs of deception. A person may be able to restrain their body language, however, their biological responses are an entirely different story. Also keep in mind, not to isolate these facial signals without taking into account the words the person speaks and the accompanying behaviors they make.

Pay attention to the following common signals of deception:

• Paleness
• Flushness or Blushing

The Hands

Our hands can be used in very expressive ways when communicating with others. Moreover, our hands can tell an entire story without our lips ever muttering a single word. This is something that must be taken into account when seeking to unmask a person’s deceptive signals.

In many instances when we are trying to deceive others, we will naturally tend to restrain our hands from mirroring our words and expressions. However, at an unconscious level, what may occur, is that our hands will tend to mimic our patterns of thinking and emotional tendencies. And it is these visual signals that reveal our deceptive ways.

Pay attention to the following common signals of deception:

• Covering of the neck and face
• Constant fidgeting
• Hand movement is significantly restricted

Overall Discomfort & Nerves

At times it is a person’s overall level of discomfort that raises the red flag and alerts you to their deceptive patterns of behavior.

Pay attention to the following common signals of deception:

• Twitching of the face, feet, body or hands
• Exaggerated head movements
• Licking of the Lips
• Erratic Breathing patterns
• Shaking of the voice

Eye Movement Interpretations

Our eyes reveal a world of information about our patterns of thought and visual representations. In fact, the position of our eyes can reveal whether we are reconstructing events in our mind, imagining things that never were, or tapping into hidden feelings or emotions that we regularly hide from others. Yes, all of these signals can be interpreted and revealed through the simple act of observing the eye movements of other people. And yes, they can also reveal other people’s deceptive ways.

The field of NLP has revealed that our eye positioning – while listening or communicating with other people – naturally accesses different aspects and segments of our brain. This thusly provides others with an insight into our patterns of thinking and processing of information. For the purpose of this discussion we will not break-down the intricate details of this process, but rather provide you with some knowledge and a few guidelines that will enable you to interpret the eye movements of others in social situations.

Before proceeding please keep in mind that what follows is a representation of characteristics that are commonly found in normally organized right-handed people. As such, it would be foolish to interpret everyone’s thought patterns in such a manner. However, these guidelines do provide us with solid building blocks that can be applied with consistent and solid results. In fact, with all things being considered equal, you can flip the eye accessing cues in the opposite direction for normally organized left-handed individuals.

The following points list the position of the eyes and their associated meaning:

• Right & Up – Visual Construct: The person is creating pictures in their mind.
• Right – Auditory Construct: The person is creating sounds in their mind.
• Right & Down – Kinesthetic: The person is sensing past feelings or creating future ones.
• Left & Up – Visual Remembered: The person is accessing pictures from memory.
• Left – Auditory Remembered: The person is accessing sounds from memory.
• Left & Down – Auditory Digital: The person is talking to themselves internally.

To utilize this knowledge effectively, you must first become aware and carefully observe the other person’s eye movements while they listen and communicate with you. After which, you need to pinpoint inconsistencies in the person’s words, body language and the eye accessing strategies they utilize on a consistent basis. In this way you will be better able to pick up on their deceptive tactics.

As an example, you ask two different people to provide specific details of what they saw yesterday at the scene of a crime. The 1st person begins responding to your answer and immediately swing their eyes UP and to the RIGHT. This tells you that they are creating (imagining) pictures in their mind that never were. On the other hand, the 2nd person communicates while swinging their eyes UP and to the LEFT. This tells you that they are accessing pictures from their actual memory and experience. What this signifies to the Detective is that the 2nd person is telling the truth, while the 1st person for some reason is not being completely honest and upfront about the events they saw the other day.

It can take some practice for these observations to become second nature, however over time, this could very well be one of the most important skills you ever learn.

Final Thoughts

There is no doubt that people are complex and very self-conscious creatures. We do what we can, when we can, in whatever way we can to hide a side of ourselves that we don’t want the rest of the world to see. However, even though we are seemingly unable to read people’s thoughts, we can however learn a great deal about them by utilizing some simple observation techniques that can reveal an unexpected world of surprising insights. Consequently we can utilize this information to better understand another person’s subtle patterns of behavior, and thusly influence them in ways that will promote greater fulfillment and well-being.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any further queries or questions, or would like to share your experiences about this topic, than please do so in the comments section below.

Spotlight on the MasterMind Matrix

The Psychological Personality Equation is an important and indispensable component of the MasterMind Matrix.

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The MasterMind Matrix is a Psychological Chart of Personal Success and Achievement. It is used as an effective Self-Coaching tool that will help guide you through the personal obstacles, setbacks and limitations that may stand in your way as you progress towards the attainment of your goals and objectives in the field of academics, business, career, sports, or life in general.

Each IQ Matrix Mind Map that is available through this website represents a single cell fragment of the MasterMind Matrix. For more information and images, visit the MasterMind Matrix page.

Personality Assessments

Here are free Personality Assessment Tests that will help you to determine your pesonal strengths and weaknesses:

• Keirsey Temperament Sorter @ Keirsey
• Jung Typology Test @ Human Metrics
• Personality Type @ Personality Type
• Enneagram Test @ Similar Minds
• Type Focus @ Type Focus
• Personal DNA @ Personal DNA
• Big 5 Personality Typing Test @ Similar Minds

Free Articles & Online Resources

Here are a number of highly recommended free articles and online resources that will further help expand your understanding about this topic:

• Personality Theories, Types & Tests @ Business Balls
• 16 Personality Styles @ Personality Page
• How can You Tell if They are Lying @ eNot Alone
• Detecting Lies: 10 Subtle Signs of Lying @ Ego Development
• How to Root Out a Liar Like an Interrogator @ Persistence Unlimited
• The Personality Puzzle @ Hinter Nuttall
• How Neuroscience Can Teach You to Lie @ Dumb Little Man
• See Yourself as Others Do @ Look Far
• 12 Personality Types to Avoid @ Life Hack

Recommended Books

• How to Spot a Liar: Why People Don’t Tell the Truth and How You Can Catch Them by Gregory Hartley & Maryann Karinch
• You Can Read Anyone by David J. Liebernam
• Face Language Personality Speed Reading System: Advanced Social Technology for Today’s World by Jon E. Prescott & David E. Prescott
• Never Be Lied to Again: How to Get the Truth In 5 Minutes or Less In Any Conversation or Situation by David J. Lieberman
• The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara Pease
• The Art of Speed Reading People: How to Size People Up and Speak their Language by Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger
• Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery by Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson
• What Type Am I?: The Myers’ Brigg Type Indication Made Easy by Renee Baron
• Type Talk: The 16 Personality Types that Determine How We Live, Love & Work by Otto Kroeger & Janet M. Thuesen
• Just the Type: Creating the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type by Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger
• Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types by David Keirsey

If you would like to download a copy of this IQ Matrix, it is available from the IQ Matrix Shop.

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Introduction

Whether we realize it or not, we are being persuaded by our friends, family, colleagues, strangers, the government and the media on a daily basis. Most of this persuasion is very subtle and naturally stimulates our hidden needs, wants and motivations for a better and more fulfilling existence. For the lucky few, the Art of Persuasion comes naturally and effortlessly. In fact, the world is their oyster and a canvas of their making. Yet for others, who have not mastered this fine psychological art; the world is a daily struggle that leads them into ever deeper pits of emotional disappointment.

This IQ Matrix Mind Map will specifically focus on the fundamental aspects of persuasion and how you can utilize them to persuade others to your way of thinking.

• The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map identifies the type of mindset that you must cultivate and the skills that need to be mastered in order to develop the fundamental credentials of persuasion.
• The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the psychological human motivators that must be stimulated in order to open the channels of persuasion.
• The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map presents you with a generic process for persuasion that will help you get what you want, every time. It also breaks down a variety of obstacles to persuasion and discusses the fundamental laws that govern the art of persuading others to your way of thinking.

Your Persuasive Credentials

The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map identifies the type of mindset that you must cultivate and the skills that need to be mastered in order to develop the fundamental credentials of persuasion.

The Persuasive Mindset

There are two key factors that will determine your level of persuasion. The first of these factors is your psychological mindset, and your ability to tap into this resource and utilize it to its greatest effect.

A persuasive person needs to cultivate a mindset that is built upon 3 fundamental layers of “being”. The 1st layer is built upon Honor. The 2nd layer is built upon Trust. While the 3rd layer is built upon Presence. Each layer must be cultivated and practiced in order to enhance one’s ability to persuade others in a variety of social settings.

Methods for Gaining Honor

When others perceive you as being honorable, you ultimately win their respect and approval. They openly acknowledge you as a person and support your beliefs, values and the convictions and ideas you stand for.

In order to gain honor from others, you must cultivate the following qualities:

Show Willingness to be Taught

Openly show a willingness to be taught by other people. We cannot be an expert at everything, and we certainly do not know all that there is to know about a certain subject, person or topic. When you open yourself up to be taught by others, you are unlocking a variety of new perspectives and ideas that will help you to clarify what you know, while potentially providing you with greater insights into areas you may not be familiar with.

Display Consistency

Be consistent in thought, word and action. People are drawn to “certainty”. They want “certainty” in their lives. They want to know and be able to predict what will happen next, what a person will say or do, and what the world will look like tomorrow, next week, next month and so forth. When you are consistent in thought, word and action, others will see you as being someone who who brings them comfort and certainty.

Display Unconditional Acceptance

Most people are tough on the exterior while at the same time very self-conscious on the interior. They want to feel that they are being accepted by others no matter what mistakes they may have made in the past or are making in the moment. When you show unconditional acceptance of another person, you are automatically displaying a deep level of care and respect that makes the other person feel comfortable and secure within your presence.

Display Compassion

Display a deep level of compassion for the problems and difficulties that other people are experiencing on a daily basis. Everyone moves through difficult periods of their lives. During moments like these we seek understanding and compassion from others. Yes, others may not know what we are going through, however if they are able to understand and sympathize with us, than that makes us feel comfortable and secure within their presence. This naturally leads to honor and a deep level of respect for the other person.

Show Genuine Interest & Support

Showing a genuine interest in other people and supporting their passions, ideas and ventures naturally brings you closer together and helps develop deep levels of rapport and respect. Ask others about the good things in their lives, about the things that make them smile, or the things that bring a happy tear to their eye. It is these things that will stimulate a deep emotional bond between the two of you, and will help grow the honor and respect they feel when within your presence.

Display Patience with People

Often people need time. Time to learn a new skill, to let go of an unresourceful habit, or simply time to open up and express their true feelings and needs. When others feel that they are not being rushed, hurried or forced into something by others, this naturally brings about a feeling of comfort and calm within their body and mind. It is therefore better to ask a person questions that will lead them to find their own motivation and answers, rather than to instruct or lecture them about the possible solutions.

Cultivate Discipline

People are naturally drawn to those who display a deep level of discipline in thought, word and action. Discipline brings about certainty. When they are certain that you are disciplined enough to follow through on what you say, than this naturally brings about a deep sense of confidence in your ability and a respect for the stability you bring forth into their lives.

Cultivate Integrity

Integrity is a spirit of being whole, complete and living consistently with your highest values. When others have confidence that you will stay true to your beliefs and values, that you will keep your word and not stray off course onto unexpected and unpredicted paths, than they will consequently honor and respect you wholeheartedly for who you are completely and without question.

Cultivate a Solution Focused Attitude

Even though some people might find it difficult to admit this, they do actually appreciate being around those who live with optimism and cultivate a solution focused attitude. We are all creatures who seek to experience deep levels of pleasure in our lives. We live on hope for a better future on a daily basis, even though some of us may completely disregard this fact. If you are able to instill a little hope into your interactions with others; to help them see the solutions where they previously saw only problems and obstacles, than you will ultimately gain their respect and honor.

Methods for Gaining Trust

When others perceive you as being trusting, you naturally open up a channel of communication that will bring forth the other person’s deepest thoughts, feelings, opinions, values and beliefs into the open. This channel of communication will provide you with deep insights and understandings that will allow you greater freedom to persuade this person to your way of thinking.

In order to gain trust from others, you must cultivate the following qualities:

Acquire Credibility

Others must see you as being a credible person, one who doesn’t provide empty promises, incomplete facts, over exaggerated information and the like. When you are seen as being credible in another person’s eyes, they naturally believe in you, in your ability, in the promises you make and in the actions you take. Credibility can be acquired when people speak highly of you to others, and when your every word and action is consistent with all the facts, statistics and other information you present them with.

Once you have obtained credibility, you will have obtained another’s belief in you and your abilities. And once this belief has been established, than “trust” is a natural outcropping of this outcome.

Display Congruence

Congruence is a state of harmony that you naturally and consistently project out into the world. When you are congruent, your thoughts, beliefs, values, words, emotions, decisions, actions and behaviors are all in harmony with one another. Hence, you will not say one things and do something else, otherwise this will break the congruent energy you project out into the world.

When people see you as being congruent, they are naturally drawn to you out of respect for this harmonious energy you are projecting. This likewise brings about deep levels of trust, as others realize that you have nothing to hide, and that what you project is what they can expect.

Display Competence

People naturally have faith and hold trust in those that they see as being competent in their field of endeavor. Therefore, if you are presenting yourself as an expert in a certain subject area, than others expect you to be able to answer all their questions, to have a full grasp of the skills that are required to help and assist them to get the results they are after, and to have the tools and resources on hand to provide suitable solutions that they need. Once you show to others that you are competent and capable, than this will naturally raise the “trust factor”, and will allow you greater leverage in persuading them to your way of thinking.

Display Confidence

People are naturally drawn to those who have a deep level of self-confidence in themselves, their ability and in their capacity to follow through on the promises they make. Confidence naturally manifests into assurance, certainty, capability and above all trust. However, please don’t mistaken confidence for cockiness or vanity. People are turned off by the latter two qualities and you will lose all trust and credibility with others the moment these “reapers of personality” show up to the party.

Display Strong Character

A person with a strong character is someone who doesn’t breakdown emotionally, who stands tall when obstacles and problems overwhelm others, and consistently projects who they are openly and expressively without ulterior motives or a hidden agendas. Strong personalities such as this naturally draw others to them, while gaining the respect, confidence and trust that is required to become a persuasive individual.

Methods for Gaining Presence

Presence is a state of being, acting and doing that builds confidence, belief and moves others emotionally to do things that they previously did not believe they were capable of.  With it, the world is your oyster. However, without it you will struggle to even begin persuading others to your way of thinking.

In order to develop presence, you must display the following:

Present Powerful Goals & Vision

People are moved by powerful goals and visions of the future that bring about great pleasure and excitement. In the next branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map we will discuss and break-down these motives in detail, however for our purposes here, it is important to consciously present people with a moving outlook that will excite and stimulate the logical and emotional centers of their brain. To do this, simply talk about big ideas, dreams and goals, while presenting fantastic visions of how you can help others feel better than they have ever felt before.

As a word of warning, please make sure that these goals and visions don’t contradict the qualities discussed above (you must follow through on the promises you make), otherwise you may have presence, however you will lose trust and honor, which will significantly subdue your capacity to persuade others to your way of thinking.

Display Optimism

Presence is also created through a sense of optimism. People will only be persuaded by those who provide them with optimistic solutions, ideas and a sense of purpose that will drive and motivate them towards their personal goals and objectives. Unfortunately without optimism, you will find it very difficult to persuade others to your way of thinking.

Display Empathy Towards Others

When we empathize with others we naturally tap into their thoughts, feelings and attitudes that make up their psyche at any given moment in time. Empathy is a powerful means of really getting to know another person at a deep level of understanding that will likewise help open doors to ever deeper insights into their hidden needs and the wants that they seek to satisfy. Once you are aware of these motives (discussed in the next branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map) you will have a greater capacity to persuade and influence them to your way of thinking.

Display Passion & Charisma

Charisma is defined as: “A spiritual power or personal quality that gives an individual influence or authority over large numbers of people”.

Charisma by itself is difficult to describe, as it is a natural outcropping of many different qualities and personality characteristics. It is something that is developed over time that requires discipline and patience.

To begin developing your Charisma, start by cultivating the qualities discussed above. In a future IQ Matrix Mind Map we will discuss how to Become a Person of Influence, where we will touch upon a myriad of essential qualities that are required to build your charisma and influence others to your way of thinking.

Indispensable Skills of Persuasion

The second factor that determines the level of your persuasive ability rests upon a dozen key fundamental skills that will assist you to enhance your influence when interacting with others.  Let’s briefly go through each of these skills and identify their importance to the persuasive process:

Personal Skills

Our thinking ability is an important element of the persuasive process. There will always be numerous psychological and physical challenges that may very easily impede persuasion. As a consequence we must be mentally prepared and ready for the obstacles that lie ahead.

The following are 3 fundamental personal skills that must be learned in order to enhance your persuasive abilities:

Thinking Critically

When we think critically we come to understand that what we see on the surface may indeed be very different to what lies beneath the “still waters”. Critical thinking enables us to uncover a world of information and insight that at first glance may tell a different story. It also allows us to unlock a person’s true needs and motives, thusly enhancing our ability to persuade them.

Thinking Creatively

Creative thinking is an important component of persuasion that enables us to persuade others in unique and clever ways. When, for one reason or another, you are not making progress in persuading another person to your way of thinking, than creativity will become your greatest ally. An ally that will enable you to think outside the box, change your approach and consequently unlock deep insights about the situation or the psychology of the person you are attempting to persuade.

Ability to Solve Problems

The persuasive process is riddled with ever changing and transforming challenges that can potentially stop you in your tracks. In such instances, your ability to solve problems in an effective and efficient manner will provide you with the necessary guidance to move you through the persuasive process with far greater clarity of thought.

Social Skills

Effective persuasion involves a certain level of expertise in a number of social skill areas. Each of these skills alone build on different levels and aspects of persuasion that are essential to the persuasive process. Let’s briefly take a look at each one of them and identify the levels of persuasion they are targeting:

Public Speaking

Public Speaking is a persuasive tool that is utilized to great effect when persuading groups of people through logical and emotional stories. It provides us with the confidence and the presence that is required to present our message effectively to more than one person at a time. Finally, it also teaches us how to effectively project our voice through a room, and how to present our message in a way that is understood by a variety of people with differing social, cultural and educational backgrounds.

Sales

On the opposite side of the spectrum we have the Sales process. When we are Speaking in Public we present our message to groups of people, however when it comes to selling, it usually involves a one-on-one situation requiring a great deal of trust, respect and honor. Listening also becomes a critical aspect of the sales process that progressively identifies and breaks down the other person’s deepest needs and wants.

With these 3 key elements in our pocket (trust, respect & honor), we will be much more persuasive, enabling us to persuade others to our way of thinking far more readily.

Leadership

Leadership is your ability to persuade another person to do what they don’t want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve. As you can probably tell, this is no easy feat. People are very resistant towards undertaking certain and specific tasks. Yet, as a leader your objective is to persuade them through a sense of inspiration and honor to do something that is for their greater good and for the greater good of all others concerned – no matter how distasteful the task may seem in the moment. Hence leadership is all about inspiration, and this can only come through a sense of honor, trust and respect for the Leader.

Negotiation

Negotiation is a game of balance that requires open channels of communication and a steadfast problem solving ability. Your goal is to essentially solve the other person’s problem while giving as little away as possible. It’s very much a game of Chess. You realize at the beginning of the game that you must sacrifice a certain number of Chess pieces in order to maneuver your Opponent towards a suitable outcome that will support both your objectives and goals. You therefore learn to play the balancing game of “give and take”, all at the same time trying to persuade the other person that what you are taking isn’t worth nearly as much as what you are giving away. Again this requires your ability to establish honor and trust within the relationship.

Networking

Networking is an intricate game of relationship building. We build one-to-one relationships and work on establishing honor and trust throughout the networking process. We also seek to find common goals, values, objectives and ideas that will allow us to bridge the gap between what is probable and what is definite and possible. It teaches us the art of getting to know people at a deep level of understanding, then utilizing this knowledge of their needs and wants to persuade them to accept our ideas or ways of thinking.

Rapport Creation

Rapport Creation extends from Networking and basically requires us to develop strong emotional bonds and ties with the people in our lives. Once these emotional bonds have been locked away at a deep psychological level, we can use them to persuade other people to accept our ideas or ways of thinking.

We will be discussing the process of Rapport Creation in-depth in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map, which will present you with key strategies and tools that you must utilize in order to Become a Person of Influence. However, for now, let’s quickly take a look at the 3 key aspects of Rapport Creation that will help you build trust and honor:

Body Language Awareness

At any one moment in time, we are all communicating with others at two very different levels of awareness. The 1st level is verbal, while the 2nd level can only be understood through observing a person’s body language. Often the communication that is verbalized is only part of the message, while the deep insights can only be gained through observing the subtleties of the unconscious message that is being sent through a person’s body movements.

You are only as persuasive to the extent that you understand and identify with the message behind the words that a person is speaking. Once you have gained clarity and fully comprehend this subtle message, you will be better able to adjust your persuasive approach accordingly in order to target this person’s underlying wants and needs.

Communication Skills

Communication skills encompass the habits of effective listening and talking. Understanding how best to utilize each of these skills is relatively simple. However, being consciously aware of them every time you are communicating with someone can be difficult at first, yet over time we can learn to slowly move away from our old ineffective communication habits, and enable ourselves to develop deeper levels of rapport with the people in our lives. We will discuss both of these skills in great depth in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Seduction Tactics

Finally we have the Art of Seduction. A skill no doubt mastered by the great Don Juan’s of this world who sweep women off their feet and into a world of ecstasy and unbridled pleasure. Yes, these are great stories of persuasive seduction. But do they have any merit? We will help answer that question in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map where we will break-down the components and levels of seduction as they apply to romance and the world of business.

Human Motivators: What All People Want

The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the psychological human motivators that must be stimulated in order to open the channels of persuasion.

The 6 Critical Human Needs

The 6 Human Needs are an indispensable component of human motivation and behavior. Credit for their development can be attributed to Anthony Robbins and the great work he is doing around the world helping people better their lives.

On one level or another, whether we know it or not we are all seeking to experience as many of the 6 Human Needs as possible to the greatest extent possible – unknowingly realizing that to experience them is to reach a state of true and lasting happiness and fulfillment. These 6 Human Needs essentially dictate how we live our life by influencing the decisions we make and actions we take on a daily basis. Keep in mind that we will dedicate an entire IQ Matrix Mind Map towards breaking down each of these 6 Human Needs at a later time.

As you read the short summary about each Human Need, keep in mind everything that have discussed thus far, and how you could potentially apply this information to persuade others to your way of thinking.

Need for Certainty

People have a natural desire to live with a feeling of Certainty. We do not want things to change, we seek comfort, we seek security, and we want to know that everything will work out just the way we imagined it. As a result we tend to stay within our comfort zones experiencing the familiar and expected.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their Need for Certainty?

Need for Uncertainty

When Certainty becomes far too predictable or boring, than we consciously or sub-consciously seek to create Uncertainty within our lives. We naturally do this by stepping outside our comfort zones, or by undertaking activities that we would tend to avoid under normal circumstances.

Uncertainty creates the feelings of excitement and exhilaration that leads us towards the unknown. Of course the moment we tend to “over satisfy” this Human Need, we experience high levels of stress, anxiety or fear. Hence, in such instances we will naturally move back into our comfort zones seeking a sense of Certainty and security.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their Need for Uncertainty?

Need for Significance

As we go about our lives, we continuously seek to feel important, unique and Significant in one way or another. We do this by seeking to obtain status, acknowledgment or praise for our efforts. We also obtain Significance by achieving our goals, by learning new things or by simply wearing the latest fashion styles and trends.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their Need for Significance?

Need for Connection

While striving for a sense of Significance, we are at the same time driven to connect with others, life and society in general. This type of Connection can come in many forms including a Connection with God, with other people, with nature, with groups, with pets, or even through self-sacrifice that leads to caring for another person’s needs.

As we go about our days we attempt to manage a very delicate balance between our need for Connection and our need for Significance. The greater the balance between these two Needs, than the greater sense of fulfillment and happiness we will experience in lives.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their Need for Connection?

Need for Growth

In one way or another, we are seeking to experience a sense of Growth as we progress through life. This Growth can be achieved by learning new things, developing skills and talents, striving for betterment or simply learning from our everyday experiences.

If we are not growing, than we will tend to stagnate and experience bouts of dissatisfaction at a deeply profound conscious or unconscious level of awareness.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their Need for Growth?

Need for Contribution

In order to experience the pinnacle of fulfillment and satisfaction in life, we will need to satisfy the Need for Contribution. We will naturally seek to fulfill this Need by working towards a worthy cause that has benefits for others and to the wider society in general. When the Need for Contribution has been obtained, than this naturally signifies that all the other 5 Human Needs have also been fulfilled to a high degree.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their Need for Contribution?

Pleasure Seeking Motivators

Pleasure is the most powerful emotional need that drives our behavior, decisions and actions. It is an overwhelming force that motivates people to undertake temporary periods of pain for the eventual experience of pleasure that awaits them at the end of the tunnel. As such, utilizing pleasure to persuade other people to your way of thinking is one of the most effective tools available in your arsenal.

The following presents a list of common Human Motivators you can stimulate throughout the persuasive process to persuade others to your ideas or ways of thinking. As you read through this list, persistently ask yourself, how you could utilize this information to persuade another person to support your idea or accept your way of thinking?

A word of caution. These are very powerful motivators that must be used for good and NOT evil . Please keep this in mind as you move through the persuasive process.

Personal Motivators

The following presents a list of Personal “pleasure centered” Motivators that persuade people to make a decision or take a specific action:

Perfect Health

People seek the feelings that are associated with perfect health. We want to be fit, healthy, look good and feel great every moment for as long as possible.

Absolute Freedom

People desire personal freedom. We want to be able to do what we want, when we want, and for how ever long we want. And at the same time we don’t want others to control our decisions or actions. Instead we want to be the Captains of our own Ships, making our own decisions and taking actions that will support our highest values, goals and objectives.

Personal Power

People want to experience a sense of Personal Power. They want to feel as though they are in control of events and circumstances, and they desire to experience this at a moment’s notice without repercussions.

Achievement Orientation

People want certainty that they can and will obtain their most cherished goals and objectives as soon as possible. These are the goals that are aligned with their highest values and personal needs. They will be persuaded once you have cleared the obstacles from their path. These are the obstacles that are currently impeding their progress, and the challenges that are draining the life force from their souls and their goals.

Financial Success

People desire to experience financial success. Almost everyone hopes that they will someday be rich, however for most people this is far beyond their current patterns of belief. Hence, they will not be persuaded by the promise of riches. However, they will be persuaded by the promise of financial security and comfort. And this is the angle that an effective Persuader must take.

Complete Creative Expression

People want to be able to express themselves creatively without being ridiculed, judged or criticized. They seek to experience this at work, at home and during play. The more creative expression they have, the greater the joys of pleasure they experience and the more susceptible they become to persuasion.

Hope for a Better Future

People seek a better future. They hope that tomorrow will be better than today, that next week will be an improvement on last week, and that next year all their dreams will come true. Yes, many of these hopes are unrealistic, however many others are closer to reality than they realize. An effective Persuader must stimulate the small and seemingly insignificant hopes that each person has and utilize these to build the bigger picture filled with positive emotions and fulfillment.

Peace of Mind

People desire to experience Peace of Mind throughout their days. There is so much going on these days that most of us are running around like headless chickens. We stress, suffer from anxiety attacks and fear for what tomorrow may bring. If we are therefore given an opportunity to experience Peace of Mind, even for a short period of time, we will jump on that bandwagon and ride it all the way to the finish line.

Comfort & Security

People want to feel comfortable and secure within a familiar environment that supports all of their needs and wants. They don’t want to do things that raise their levels of anxiety. Instead they just want to relax and feel secure in the knowledge that everything is under their control and will be taken care of at a moment’s notice.

Social Motivators

The following presents a list of Social “pleasure centered” Motivators that persuade people to make a decision or take a specific action:

Good Relationships with Family & Friends

There is probably nothing more stressful than a family in conflict. It eats at people’s souls one bite at a time, until everything is eaten away. For this reason people want to experience good, healthy, open and honest relationships with their family and friends.

A Sense of Roots

People want to feel grounded to mother earth, to their family history, social group, or cultural background. This gives them a sense of belonging and familiarity that provides a deep sense of security and comfort.

The Need to Follow Others

Most people have an undeniable need to follow those who inspire and motivate them into action. They seek to follow powerful leaders who have presence, can be trusted and are honorable. These are the keys to persuasion as discussed within the first branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map. However, keep in mind that some people are not “followers” and rather prefer to lead from the front. In order to persuade them you will need to stimulate their pride and need for accomplishment.

Cooperating with Others

People want to feel as though they are part of a group working together for a higher purpose and goal. This sense of cooperation they experience will naturally stimulate a plethora of other needs that a Persuader can utilize to great effect.

Gaining Respect from Others

When a person enters a social setting, they want to feel confident that they will be respected by others, and that others will provide them with an opportunity to prove their true worth and value. All they ask is for an opportunity. And if they fail, they want more opportunities up until the moment they are fully integrated into the social setting and on par with all other individuals.

Consistent Fairness

People seek consistency and fairness, especially when their emotions and reputation is on the line. They want to feel secure that no matter what happens that they will be treated fairly and in accordance to past precedents. Consistency provides them with certainty, and certainty rewards them with feelings of comfort.

The Acceptance of Others

People want to be accepted by others unconditionally no matter who they are, what they did, or what possible consequences may result from their current decisions or actions.

People seek Acceptance in a number of varying ways. The following list provides a few variations that must be considered:

Meeting Other’s Expectations

People seek to meet Other’s expectations of them in thought, word, decision and action. This Need is so prevalent in our society today that most people tend to design their lives around the expectations of others. Whether they acknowledge this or not they are actually basing their decisions, behaviors and action on what other people say and do; and this all occurs at an unconscious level of awareness. A Persuader must stimulate this Need very subtly, with an understanding that people will tend not to admit that this Need ever existed.

Being Admired by Others

People seek to be admired by those around them. They want to by admired not only by their family and friends, but also by passing strangers who judge them on first impressions. The more admired we are by those around us, the greater confidence we have in ourselves, which opens up new doors to ever deeper levels of persuasion.

Other’s Belief in Personal Ability

People want others to believe in their abilities no matter what the evidence is to the contrary. People don’t care about evidence, all they want is for someone to believe in them, even if nothing ever eventuates from this belief. All they desire is a “belief” that will keep them sane, while filling their heart with hope for better days. The results or outcomes don’t really matter; at least not at the moment. An effective Persuader will see this and use it to their advantage.

Gaining Praise & Recognition from Others

People seek praise and recognition from others for their accomplishments as-well-as their near misses. Praise builds their confidence and this raises the “Pleasure Gauge”, which makes them even more susceptible to the psychological tactics of persuasion.

Gaining Approval from Others

Whether consciously or unconsciously, people naturally tend to seek approval from specific individuals in their lives. These individuals are like barometers that help them measure the effectiveness of their decision making process and behaviors. When approval isn’t received they tend to wilt away emotionally fighting through anger and self-doubt. However, when approval is given, they are like sunflowers radiating in the sunlight. An effective Persuader knows how to tap into this Need and stimulates it to its full effect.

Emotional Motivators

The following presents a list of Emotional Motivators that persuade people to make a decision or take an action that moves them towards pleasure:

Unbridled Happiness

People seek to be happy above all other emotions. Happiness is a natural outcropping of love, confidence, joy and fulfillment that brings about great satisfaction and makes the hard times easier to bear. An effective Persuader realizes the power of this emotion and stimulates it to its full extent.

High Self-Esteem

People want to feel confident in themselves as a person and in their ability when directly compared with other people.

There are a great plethora of tools that a Persuader can utilize to stimulate the feelings of high self-esteem in a person. Many of these tools have already been discussed above, while many others will be discussed in detail in future IQ Matrix Mind Maps.

Emotional Security

People seek emotional security. Even if their world is spinning out of control, they want to have the full assurance that at least their emotions are in check. The moment they feel their emotions are in check, is the moment they believe that the rest of the world will eventually work itself out as well. Providing them with simple techniques and strategies will do the trick here. These will be discussed in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map that will tackle the varying levels of emotion we experience on a daily basis.

Pain Avoiding Motivators

For some people Pain has a greater influence on their decision making and actions than Pleasure. These types of people tend to make decisions and take actions that move them away from pain rather than towards pleasure. These types of people are far more easily persuaded by utilizing some of the following stimulants:

Fear

We are a society of Fear Phobics. We don’t like to be afraid and we will therefore do whatever it takes to avoid experiencing this powerful negative emotion. Living in constant fear stresses the body, weakens the mind and leads to very undesirable consequences. An effective Persuader has the ability to stimulate this fear in short bursts while communicating with others. This is usually followed by bursts of relief, joy or happiness which takes the person on an emotional roller-coaster ride of great peaks and valleys.

Failure

As a human species we are very achievement oriented. We are driven to reach goals and objectives on a daily basis, no matter how insignificant they may seem. This “drive” however has a dark-side. If we do not obtain these goals we label ourselves as a failure. This usually stems from the act of comparing ourselves with others.

An effective Persuader understands that nobody wants to fail or be perceived as a failure by others. Hence they utilize this knowledge to their advantage and structure their persuasive message to stimulate this pain and move the person emotionally in the desired direction of their choosing.

Rejection

People seek to fit in, and want to be accepted unconditionally by others. For this very reason Rejection is a powerful motivator that an effective Persuader has in their arsenal of tools.

Losing Something

People fear losing something. We become so emotionally attached to the physical possessions in our lives, or to the mental energy we give away, that the moment we lose our grasp is the moment we desperately push ourselves forward in an attempt to move away from the pain, and take back some semblance of control. An effective Persuader sees a great opportunity here. They find out exactly what their victim is afraid of losing and they persuasively convince them that this is closer to reality than they ever imagined was possible. Shortly afterwards a simple yet effective solution is presented that removes the pain and brings about relief and pleasure.

Criticism or Looking Foolish

People will do anything to avoid looking foolish or being criticized by others. For this very reason people fear Public Speaking over death. Given this fact, this could very well be the most powerful “pain associating” force that a Persuader can utilize throughout the persuasion process.

The Unknown

People fear not knowing what to do, or not being able to predict what will happen next. This uncertainty keeps people within a comfort zone. Hence, when a Persuader convinces others that their current decision or action will lead them down an unknown path of uncertainty, than this alone could very well be enough to persuade them to make a turn for the opposite direction.

The Fundamental Principles of Persuasion

The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map presents you with a generic process for persuasion that will help you get what you want, every time. It also breaks down a variety of obstacles to persuasion and discusses the fundamental laws that govern the art of persuading others to your way of thinking.

Indispensable Laws of Persuasion

Within the following Laws lay the foundational building blocks of persuasion and influence. Most of these laws where first presented by Robert B. Cialdini who dedicated years of his life towards researching the psychological triggers of persuasion. However, keep in mind that these Laws are only complimentary pieces to everything that has been discussed thus far. They are effective and comprehensive, however, if you don’t first reconfigure your mindset and develop the necessary skills of persuasion, than you will fail to fully capitalize on the power that these laws can bring forth into the persuasive process.

The following presents a quick overview of each Law. In a future IQ Matrix Mind Map we will go into greater depth and break down each Law in finite detail.

The word “Victim” is utilized to represent the Persuadee. This is intentional and is designed to awaken us to the reality of these techniques and the impact they have had on our lives from a Victim’s perspective.

Law 1: Balance

Effective Persuaders understand that their persuasive message must stimulate both the emotional and logical centers of their Victim’s mind. They stimulate positive and negative emotions by getting people involved in emotional stories that relate to aspects of their own life. Conversely they stimulate logic by utilizing statistics, examples, analogies, testimonials, graphs, charts, etc.

Law 2: Social Validation

Effective Persuaders understand the importance of building a sense “artificial popularity” around the message they are presenting to others. They show their Victim’s that what they are presenting them with is coveted by others who have similar interests, values, beliefs, attitudes, etc. They provide testimonials while presenting their product or service as being the fastest growing and best selling. Their underlying goal is to bridge the perceived psychological gap between their Victim’s Needs and the Needs of others who are just like them.

Law 3: Dissonance

Effective Persuaders clearly recognize that people will seek to maintain consistency with their past decisions, values, attitudes, behaviors and beliefs under most circumstances. They utilize this to their advantage by initially making small requests of their Victims in order to encourage affirmative responses. These small “Yes” responses and steps create dissonance. The Persuader eventually begins making ever larger requests of their Victim until their outcome has been achieved. Under most circumstances people will continue to “agree” to the Persuader’s offerings, as they seek to maintain consistency with their past responses and avoid the feelings of dissonance.

Law 4: Contrast

Effective Persuaders present their Victim with a contrast of choices. Their goal is to convince their Victim to purchase Product “E”. This is a higher ticket item that may be slightly outside their Victim’s price range. However, instead of showing them Product E to begin with, they instead show them Products A through D. They inform their Victim that Product A, B, C and D have several undesirable options that don’t quite match their Victim’s needs. They eventually work their way up to Product E that meets their Victim’s Needs perfectly.

The Law can also be utilized effectively by initially making a large request that you know with certainty will be negated by your Victim. Follow this up immediately with your desired smaller request and measure the result. Under most circumstances people are more likely to say “Yes” to the 2nd request if it is preceded by the larger request.

Law 5: Obligation

Effective Persuaders realize that by giving away free samples, extra services, inside knowledge or gifts, will create a state of psychological debt within their Victim’s minds. This debt will create a void that the Victim will seek to “fill” through reciprocation. This could be in the form of an agreement, with knowledge or anything else for that matter that will wipe out this psychological debt from their consciousness.

Law 6: Expectation

Effective Persuaders understand that people normally behave according to the expectations set by others. They will use this to their advantage by unconsciously sending persuasive signals of expectation towards their Victim which are based on their psychological desires and wants. Moreover, they utilize the expectations and opinions of others (people with psychological influence over their Victim’s lives) to maneuver their Victim into a decisive frame of mind.

Law 7: Self-Esteem

Effective Persuaders do all they can to build their Victim’s level of self-esteem. They clearly understand that the more recognition, praise, acceptance and genuine compliments they pay their Victim, that the more likely they are to persuade them to their ideas or ways of thinking.

Law 8: Involvement

Effective Persuaders realize that by involving their Victim’s in specific activities related to their idea, product or service will effectively open them up to the forces of persuasion. The greater the emotional involvement the Victim experiences, the more susceptible they will become to the persuasive process.

Law 9: Association

Effective Persuaders utilize methods of association to trigger and stimulate deep reservoirs of emotion within their Victim’s minds. These triggers can include pleasant music, colors, symbols, sounds, celebrities, etc. The Victim naturally associates each trigger to a specific feeling or emotion based on past experience. Therefore, when these triggers are associated and coupled together with a specific product, idea or service, than the Victim begins to associate these same feelings and emotions to these stimuli as well, and the persuasive process runs it’s full course.

Law 10: Scarcity

Effective Persuaders clearly understand that at times their Victim’s will utilize every trick in the book to postpone making a decision. As a result the Persuader seeks to create urgency by limiting availability, price, time, supply, access, opportunity or by presenting them with a deadline by which they must make a decision. These tactics play on the Law of Scarcity, which stimulates the pain and pleasure emotional centers of the brain and forces the Victim to make a decision.

Law 11: Connectivity

The final Law of the Persuasive process is the Law of Connectivity. Within this Law lie sound and fundamental principles that enable you to open the channels of communication between you and your Victim. We will discuss all these aspects in great depth in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map which will delve into detail on how to Become a Person of Influence.

Guidelines for Persuasion

Having gone through the Laws of Persuasion, it is now important to spend a little time covering some general guidelines that will wrap things up and prepare your mind to begin implementing the psychology of persuasion in your interactions with others.

Triggering Persuasion through Pain & Pleasure

When it comes down to it, persuasion is all about reaching an intricate balance between the forces of pain and pleasure. We have already discussed this to a degree in a previous branch. Here we will finalize this discussion by briefly pointing out how you can target both the pain and pleasure receptors to persuade others to your way of thinking.

Targeting the Pleasure Receptors

When seeking to stimulate a person’s Pleasure receptors you must effectively trigger their emotional brain, which is motivated through inspiration and talk about personal gains.

Targeting the Pain Receptors

When seeking to stimulate a person’s Pain receptors you must effectively trigger their logical thinking brain, which is motivated through desperation and talk about potential losses.

The Generic Process of Persuasion

The persuasive process doesn’t necessarily follow a structured design. Instead it is something that must be adjusted and adapted to the situation and psychological characteristics of the people or person you are attempting to persuade. Although, having said that, we can however loosely piece together a standard method of persuasion that is commonly utilized throughout society. Keep in mind that these 7 steps are only rough guidelines to help provide some structure and guidance as you venture through the psychological tactics of persuasion.

Step 1: Identify People’s Problem

Your first step in the persuasive process is to identify a problem that the person you are attempting to persuade is experiencing. Without first identifying a problem you will simply have nothing to leverage, and therefore the persuasive process will flicker out before it even begins.

The best way to identify a problem is simply through a means of asking effective questions. Keep in mind that at times people may not be aware of their problems on a conscious level. In such instances your first goal will be to bring this problem into their conscious mind, and work on expanding the consequences of the problem from there.

As a final thought, make sure that the problem you have identified is more than just a minor inconvenience, or at least make it appear to be more than this. Otherwise your Victim will have very little motivation to change, and will therefore close themselves off to your persuasive methods.

Step 2: Trigger Imagination of Life without Problem

Having established an emotional problem, your goal now is to stimulate your Victim’s imagination. Present them with an ideal picture, or a beautiful canvas of how their life will become when they never experience this problem again. The key here is to keep asking questions. Don’t tell them how things will be, instead ask them questions that will help them reveal the answers for themselves.

Step 3: Provide Knowledge through Logic & Emotion

At this stage your goal is to present your Victim with a logical and emotional solution to the problem, which involves introducing them to the product, service or knowledge you are offering. Your solution must emotionally, logically and effectively resolve the problem once and for all.

Step 4: Maximize Gains & Minimize Losses

Here your goal is to maximize the positive aspects of what you’re offering while at the same time minimizing any undesirable consequences that may result from this decision. You must also effectively subdue any resistance or doubt that may be lingering in your Victim’s mind. Utilizing a few Laws of Persuasion at this point may help you to gain the leverage you need to jump start the persuasive process.

Step 5: Trigger Human Motivators

Your major objective here is to trigger a handful of key Human Motivators discussed in the 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map. The more thoroughly this step is undertaken the greater your persuasive power will become.

Step 6: Stimulate Future Imaginings of Fulfillment

This stage is all about stimulating the Pleasure centers of the brain. Make your Victim feel secure in the knowledge that they are making the right decision and that this will solve all their problems and lead them to a life of happiness and fulfillment. Or something along those lines…

Step 7: Provide a Powerful Guarantee

Conclude the persuasive process by providing your Victim with a powerful guarantee that will give them security and peace of mind.

Our Human Capacity to Resist Persuasion

Sometimes no matter how effective we are at persuading others to our ideas or ways of thinking, every now and then we always seem to come across a handful of common obstacles that impede our progress and unfortunately drag the persuasive process beyond our control.

The following presents a list of common ways people resist persuasion. Keep in mind that these are only minor obstacles, and that the solutions to these challenges can be found within this article post.

Fear of Change or the Unknown

People resist persuasion because they’re afraid of change and the unknown. This resistance can be effectively dealt with by helping the individual find certainty and moving them towards pleasure centered motivators.

Don’t Trust or Like You

People resist persuasion because they simply don’t trust or like you. This resistance can be effectively dealt with by cultivating the qualities of honor and trust described within the 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map.

No Urgency or Need

People resist persuasion because they don’t have a need or there is no urgency motivating their behavior. In such circumstances you must go back to the drawing board and identify a deeper underlying emotional problem that will stimulate this person to take action. Otherwise you may like to utilize the Law of Scarcity to move your Victim towards a decisive decision.

Lack of Resources, Knowledge or Finances

People resist persuasion because they are lacking resources, knowledge or finances. In such instances you must spend time educating them about your idea and product, or provide them with a different perspective or potential alternative options that will help them make a definite decision.

No Authority

People resist persuasion because they don’t have any authority to make a decision. The simple solution is to speak with the person who has the authority to make this decision.

Doubtful & Skeptic

People resist persuasion because they are doubtful or skeptical about the offer you are making. Here you have not provided them with enough information, or they simply do not trust you.

Final Thoughts

There is little doubt that our ability to persuade others to our way of thinking is one of the most important and indispensable skills that we must learn and master. With it, we can climb the corporate ladder, win sales, advance our business forward, and convince our romantic partner and kids to our way of thinking . Conversely without it, we are merely leaves blowing haphazardly in the wind; at the mercy of external forces people and events that control our every decision and action like puppets on a string.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any further queries or questions, or would like to share your experiences about this topic, than please do so in the comments section below.

Spotlight on the MasterMind Matrix

The Psychology of Persuasion is an important and indispensable component of the MasterMind Matrix.

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The MasterMind Matrix is a Psychological Chart of Personal Success and Achievement. It is used as an effective Self-Coaching tool that will help guide you through the personal obstacles, setbacks and limitations that may stand in your way as you progress towards the attainment of your goals and objectives in the field of academics, business, career, sports, or life in general.

Each IQ Matrix Mind Map that is available through this website represents a single cell fragment of the MasterMind Matrix. For more information and images, visit the MasterMind Matrix page.

Free Articles & Online Resources

Here are a number of highly recommended free articles and online resources that will further help expand your understanding about this topic:

• 9 Secret Ways to Persuade & Influence @ Dumb Little Man
• The Four P’s of Persuasion @ Brian Tracy
• Becoming a Master of Persuasion @ Brian Tracy
• The Science of Persuasion: Getting Things Done by Getting Others to do Them for You @ GTD Times
• The Art of Persuasion @ Cultivate Greatness
• Subliminal Persuasion @ Subliminal Persuasion Book
• Free Persuasion Articles @ Selling & Persuasion Techniques
• General Persuasion Techniques @ Changing Minds
• 5 Psychological Secrets of Persuasive Marketing Success @ Mind Power Marketing
• The One Way to Get Others to do What You Want @ Mind Power Marketing
• The 5 Steps to Getting What You Want @ Mind Power Marketing
• The 10 Best Ways to Persuade @ Sources of Insight

Recommended Products

Secrets of Power Persuasion – Do you know someone who has an amazing ability to persuade people? In this remarkable program, Roger Dawson shows you the strategies and tactics that will enable you to persuade people in virtually any situation. Not by using phony promises and certainly not with threats, but because they perceive it’s in their best interests to do what you say.

Recommended Books

• Persuasion: The Art of Getting What You Want by Dave Lakhani
• Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini
• Persuasion IQ: The 10 Skills You Need to Get Exactly What You Want by Kurt Mortensen
• The Psychology of Persuasion: How to Persuade Others to Your Way of Thinking by Kevin Hogan
• Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah J. Goldstein, Steve J. Martin & Robert B. Cialdini
• Maximum Influence: The 12 Laws of Power Persuasion by Kurt W. Mortensen
• Covert Persuasion: Psychological Tactics and Tricks to Win the Game by Kevin Hogan & James Speakman

If you would like to download a copy of this IQ Matrix, it is available from the IQ Matrix Shop.

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Introduction

As we intermingle and interact with family, friends, colleagues, customers and strangers, we often come across a myriad of conflicting and varied opinions, wants, needs and goals that everyone desires to satisfy at a different level to our own. These variations will persistently lead to disappointment if we are simply incapable of standing our ground and effectively negotiating an outcome that will satisfy our personal needs and objectives.

This IQ Matrix Mind Map will specifically focus on the process of effective negotiation tactics that are designed to assist you to better position yourself to achieve the outcomes you desire to attain when interacting with other people.

• The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map provides you with several guidelines that will set you on course to become a more effective and proficient negotiator.

• The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the fundamental things you should be focusing on before you physically step into a negotiation situation.

• The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map provides you with several techniques, strategies, tools and guidelines that you can utilize throughout the negotiation process.

Guidelines for Effective Negotiation

The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map provides you with several guidelines that will set you on course to become a more effective and proficient negotiator.

The Negotiator’s Mindset

The mindset you bring into each and every negotiation is just as important as the techniques, tactics and tools you utilize throughout the negotiation process. For this reason we will break down the essential mindset that is required for effective negotiation, before analyzing the strategies and tools that will support you on your way towards reaching a win/win agreement.

A Negotiator’s Beliefs

An effective Negotiator has a powerful set of underlying beliefs and convictions that help determine the decisions they will make throughout the negotiation process.

The following 3 beliefs create the backbone for effective decision making. By taking time each day to ingrain them into your habitual patterns of thought, will give you a superior advantage as you progress through each negotiation scenario.

• “Everything is Negotiable”
• “No Negotiation is Ever Final”
• “Preparation is the Key to Success”

Flexible

An effective Negotiator is flexible in their approach throughout the negotiation process. They firmly understand that they must “bend with the winds of change” – adapting to their Opponent’s tendencies, tactical moves, and the information presented – in order to attain a favorable outcome.

Patient

An effective Negotiator is patient at all times throughout the negotiation process. They thoroughly understand that negotiations must never be rushed or hurried, otherwise mistakes and oversights can be made which could stall the negotiation process even further or result in an unfavorable outcome for all parties concerned.

Resilient under Pressure

An effective Negotiator firmly understands that negotiation requires a resilient attitude particularly under pressure. They realize that their Opponent will often attempt every trick in the book to try and sway the negotiations in their favor. Yet, they stand firm and persist no matter how unfavorably the negotiation seems to be progressing for them. This resilience eventually helps them to progressively break down seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and thusly moves them forward towards a fair and satisfactory agreement.

Indifferent to Outcomes

An effective Negotiator is fully aware that they must not attach themselves to a specific outcome. They realize that when they are attached to an outcome that they desire to achieve, that the more likely they are to become emotionally involved, which could lead to ineffective and hurried decisions that could sabotage the negotiation process and lead to a set of unfavorable scenarios.

Emotionally Proactive

An effective Negotiator remains in full control of their emotional reactions at all times throughout the negotiation process. They firmly realize that one emotional slip could put them at a disadvantage and may thusly ruin their chances of reaching a favorable outcome. As a result they stay emotionally detached from every statement that they make or that is brought to mind by their Opponent. Moreover, effective Negotiators only think logically about their circumstances in order to reach an effective agreement that satisfies all parties involved.

Essential Negotiation Skills

To become a more effective Negotiator it helps to develop a set of skills that will provide you with a solid foundation of understanding and flexibility to move you through the negotiation process more successfully.

The following list presents some of these critical skills that you must develop if you seek to become a more proficient negotiator:

Communication Skills

Communication is the ability to speak, listen, persuade, write and create rapport with your Opponent. In essence these are fundamental and critical skills that we utilize to one extent or another on a daily basis while interacting with the people in our lives. We therefore – on one level or another – all have a deep understanding and insight into these abilities. However, most of us simply don’t consciously utilize them to great effect throughout the negotiation process.

Listening Ability

When another person is talking we often “hear” what they are saying, however, it is rare to find a person who really listens and understands at a deep level what the other person is going through.

When it comes to effective negotiation, you must teach yourself to “hear the words” that the other person is speaking, while at the same time listening to the underlying patterns of their spoken language, their hidden meaning, and the needs that this person is trying to express through their words and phrasing. Only in this way will you truly grasp a thorough and comprehensive insight into the complexities of this person’s mind and thoughts.

Speaking Skills

When it comes to getting our message across to another person, it is important that we communicate and express ourselves clearly and concisely. We must be very careful that the meaning of our words does not get misinterpreted by the other person, otherwise the message we are trying to get across will simply go missing. This is why it is so very important to pronounce each word clearly with the correct emotional undertones that we are attempting to get across to our Opponent throughout the negotiation.

Rapport Creation

Creating rapport between you an your Opponent throughout the negotiation process involves a combination of listening and speaking skills that are intermingled with body language and the subtle conscious use of “mirror” and “matching” techniques that reflect your Opponent’s traits, values, beliefs and habitual patterns of behavior. We will discuss this in more detail a little further within this article post.

Writing Ability

Your ability to be able to write effectively subconsciously determines how intelligently others perceive you at any one moment in time. This is critical when it comes to effective negotiation, and helps you build the respect – or lack of it – that your Opponent has for you.

Persuasive Ability

Your ability to persuade another person to your way of thinking effectively stems from all the above communication variables that we discussed. Each one adorns you with a “layer of influence” that you can utilize to win your Opponent’s heart throughout the negotiation process. However, pure persuasion is in itself an extensive topic that can be expanded significantly, and clearly deserves it’s own IQ Matrix Mind Map poster. We will therefore expand on all aspects of Persuasion and Influence in a future article post.

Ability to Think Critically

An effective Negotiator must be able to think critically about their Opponent’s arguments, opinions and the facts of the negotiation. Only in this way will they be able to see beyond the fog and pinpoint the real issues and opportunities hiding within the deeper layers of the negotiation. For more information, please read Becoming an Outstanding Critical Thinker IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Ability to Think Creatively

An effective Negotiator must be able to think creatively about every aspect of the negotiation process in order to identify hidden opportunities, potential areas of agreement, and unquestioned scenarios that could result in the establishment of favorable outcomes for all parties concerned. For more information, please read Unlocking Your Creative Genius Potential IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Suppression of Emotions & Non-Verbal Cues

An effective Negotiator clearly understands that their emotions and body language will often reveal their true intentions, opinions and thoughts. As a result they are always consciously vigilant of their non-verbal body language and emotional tendencies.

Awareness of Deceptive Tactics & Body Language

An effective Negotiator is clearly aware of the underlying meaning of body language and the variety of deceptive tactics that others utilize on a consistent basis in order to gain the upper-hand throughout the negotiation process. Body Language and Deception are both extensive topics that we will dedicate an entire IQ Matrix Mind Map to in the future.

Foresight

Finally, an effective Negotiator has an uncanny ability to predict future outcomes and circumstances based on subtle clues that are revealed throughout the negotiation process. Like a Grandmaster Chess Champion, they are able to predict their Opponent’s moves several steps ahead, and can therefore layout an effective plan of action that will assist them to attain a favorable outcome as the negotiations wind down.

Gaining an Advantage as a Negotiator

You will gain an advantage over your Opponent as an effective negotiator by ensuring that you step into each negotiation session with superior knowledge and understanding of not only your side of the proposal, but also your Opponent’s.

Gain knowledge by collecting and collating the following information about the subject you will be negotiating:

• Statistics and solid figures.
• Facts that are supported by overwhelming evidence.
• Precedents that support your stance and point of view.
• An understanding of your Opponent’s personality traits.

Each of the above will help to lay down a solid foundation that will give you a serious advantage before the negotiation process even begins. However, you must be thorough with your research and must understanding your Opponent’s personality traits and tendencies comprehensively.

The 8 Step Negotiation Process

The following 8 Steps present a comprehensive break down of the negotiation process. Keep in mind that it isn’t essential that you move through all steps in chronological order. Instead the list is there to simply guide and present you with an outline of how a typical negotiation process might progress moving towards a favorable outcome.

1. Prepare

While preparing for your negotiation you must first gain clarity on what it is that you would like to attain from this negotiation session. You must also gather an understanding of your Opponent’s needs, priorities, boundaries, goals and emotional tendencies. We discuss the Preparation Stage in greater length on the 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map poster.

2. Begin

Begin the 2nd Phase of the Negotiation process by stating your Case to your Opponent. Simply paint a picture of your position by telling your Opponent a story comprising of logical arguments and emotional involvement. When everything is said and done you must state your “need” as a result of the contextual situation. In other words, your Opponent must know exactly what you would like to gain from this negotiation with them.

Once your Opponent has heard your Case, it is now their turn to state their position on the situation. While they are talking, gently, curiously and innocently probe for understanding by using the simple process of asking ever deeper questions that will help you determine your Opponent’s legitimate “wants”. You must essentially come away from this stage of the negotiation process with a clear impression of what it is that your Opponent “wants”, “needs” and “hopes” to gain from this negotiation. When you come to an understanding of what “drives” your Opponent, than you will have a greater array of ammunition to work with in order to persuade your Opponent to your way of thinking.

3. Argue

The 3rd Phase of the negotiation process is known as the “argumentative period”. Throughout this Phase you must first attempt to weaken your Opponent’s position by pointing out holes within their argument, facts, stats and data. At the same time you must effectively show that you are indifferent to the potential outcomes of this negotiation, and are willing to walk away if a favorable agreement is not reached.

Throughout this Phase you must also strengthen your own personal case by making logical arguments and providing strong evidence to support the claims you are making. On top of this, provide your Opponent with high levels of benefit if they agree wholeheartedly to your terms.

Finally, you must also prepare yourself to deal with “Head-on” attacks that your Opponent will throw at you. Simply repel these attacks by pointing out to your Opponent that you are fully aware of what they are doing, and that you will not accept being taken advantage of.

4. Explore

The 4th Phase of the negotiation process involves exploring possible options. You must work on unraveling areas of similarity, agreement and difference that both of you presented within the 3rd Phase of the negotiation process. Your goal here is to bring to mind possible solutions that could potentially satisfy all parties involved within the negotiation.

5. Signal

The 5th Phase of the negotiation process must bring your arguments and explorations full circle. You have to signal to your Opponent that you are ready to work together and reach an effective outcome that will satisfy all parties involved. Do this by displaying a good open posture and body language, by communicating honestly about your willingness to negotiate a suitable outcome, and by talking of the possibilities that could arise once the negotiation has been finalized.

6. Package

The 6th Phase of the negotiation process must identify potential agreeable trades that can be made by both parties in order to reach a favorable outcome for everyone concerned. Here you would make conditional proposals to your Opponent about specific aspects of the negotiation. Packaging your proposals effectively will further assist you to gain greater leverage at this stage of the negotiation process.

7. Close

The 7th Phase of the negotiation involves the process of closing the deal. Simply agree to the terms of the arrangement making sure that you have established a favorable outcome for yourself and all parties concerned.

8. Sustain

The final Phase of the negotiation process involves standing by the promises you made to your Opponent, and potentially re-negotiating a new agreement if circumstances change.

For a thorough and detailed analysis of this 8 Step Negotiation Process, it is highly recommended that you visit the Changing Minds Website.

To Do List: Before Your Negotiation

The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the fundamental things you should be focusing on before you physically step into a negotiation situation.

Thorough Preparation = Success

When it comes to effective negotiation tactics, there is nothing more important than thorough and meticulous preparation. Not only will you gain an upper-hand over your Opponent with the additional knowledge you acquire, you will also build a reservoir of confidence that will propel you effortlessly from one stage of the negotiation to the next.

In short… Thorough Preparation = A Fruitful Negotiation

Questioning Your Opponent

Your very first step when preparing for a negotiation is to thoroughly question your Opponent from all possible angles and perspectives. The insights you gain here will help you to adjust your personal negotiation style to best fit your Opponent’s psychological tendencies, strengths, weaknesses and objectives.

Opponent’s Personal Drivers

The first areas to analyze are your Opponent’s Personal Drivers. These “drivers” are intricately connected to the MasterMind Matrix and determine your Opponent’s psychological tendencies, motives and behaviors.

Emotional Tendencies

Emotional Tendencies are habitual emotional reactions that your Opponent unconsciously makes under certain and specific conditions as they interact with others and deal with the circumstances that arise throughout their day. Your goal is to dissect these patterns of emotional behavior, determine how they are triggered, and develop a strategy on how you can effectively use this information to your advantage throughout the negotiation process.

Values & Beliefs

Values and Beliefs determine how your Opponent views the world and how they prioritize their life, decisions and actions. Beliefs can also unlock hidden fears, anxieties and concerns that you can utilize to your advantage throughout the negotiation process. Your goal is to dissect these Value and Belief patterns, determine the influence they have over your Opponent’s decision making ability, and develop an appropriate strategy on how to effectively use this information to your advantage throughout the negotiation process.

Objectives & Goals

Everyone comes into a negotiation with specific and somewhat “loose” objectives, goals and outcomes that they would like to obtain. Your job is to dissect what goals and objectives your Opponent is going to bring into the negotiation, determine the importance and priority that these goals have over their decision making ability, and develop a strategy on how to effectively use this information to your advantage throughout the negotiation process.

Finally, determining what goals both of you share will help develop rapport and will assist you to gain common ground as you work your way through the negotiation. To gain a deeper insight into the process of effective goal setting, please read the Keys to SMART Goal Setting IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Time Frames

Your Opponent will most likely come into the negotiation with a certain and specific Time Frame that they would like to work with. If you are able to identify this Time Frame, and then determine the reasons behind these time constraints, or are able to constrict them in someway, than it will provide you with a significant advantage as you work your way through the negotiation process.

Personal Wants vs Needs

There is a distinct and clear difference between what your Opponent “wants” and what they “need” or will “settle for” when the negotiation is finalized. Your goal is to determine the differences and develop an effective negotiation approach that will show your Opponent that their “wants” are clearly not in your best interest, while on the other-hand, helping satisfy their “needs” can bring about a fruitful agreement for all parties concerned. Ask yourself:

What do they want specifically from me?

A Certain or Specific Action: Your Opponent may want you to do something specific for them.

Material Possessions: Your Opponent may want possession of something that you have.

An Agreement to do Something: Your Opponent may want you to agree to do something for them, or to convince you to change your mind or opinion about an issue or subject.

Your Personal Knowledge or Experience: Your Opponent may want access to personal knowledge or information you have or control.

Opponent’s Company Drivers

If you Opponent is coming into the negotiation representing a Company, Institute or Business, than it will be necessary to question the Driving Forces behind this corporate organization in a similar fashion as was discussed above.

Company Vision & Mission

A Vision and Mission statement helps give you an insight into the values, beliefs and principles that a Company seeks to project through their sales, marketing and public relations personnel. You can utilize these insights to gain the upper-hand throughout the negotiation process. This can be done in one of two ways. First to point out inconsistencies in your Opponent’s actions that clearly contradict the Company’s vision or mission statement, and secondly to help you structure your arguments more effectively – aligning them with the main principles presented within these declarations.

Company Goals

A Company’s Goals and Objectives present you with their long-term future outlook and the progressive steps that they will take in order to reach these outcomes. You can utilize this knowledge to structure your argument in such a manner that their long-term goals and objectives naturally align themselves to the goals and outcomes that you seek to attain from this particular negotiation.

Company Strategy

Every Company has a marketing message and a corporate strategy that they “work into” every interaction they have with the marketplace and their customers. Once you become familiar with this strategy, you will be better able to adapt your approach before sitting down at the negotiation table. For instance, you would negotiate somewhat differently with a representative of a Company with a conservative strategy, than with someone whose Company is well known for their willingness to take risks and chances.

Opponent’s Expectations

Finally, you must gather an understanding of your Opponent’s expectations coming into the negotiation session. These expectations will effectively determine their strategy, approach, and willingness to make concessions. Ask yourself:

What are my Opponent’s expectations coming into this negotiation?

Questioning Potential Outcomes & Variables

After a thorough examination of your Opponent, your next step is to take some time to question the Potential Outcomes and Variables of the negotiation. Here are some things you must consider:

Consequences of Win / Loss Scenarios

By gaining an understanding of the potential consequences of winning or losing – for both yourself and your Opponent – will help you to better plan your strategy for the negotiation. Moreover, this knowledge will allow you to make more effective decisions and prepare for possible obstacles, challenges or opportunities that could arise as the negotiation unfolds.

Possible Alternative Solutions

Next, you must expand your thinking outside the box, and look at possible solutions that you could propose if you are initially unable to reach a favorable agreement with your Opponent. Take time to think about the possible alternatives that you might be able to propose from your perspective, while at the same time looking at the potential solutions that your Opponent may be willing to bring to the negotiating table. At times your Opponent may need a little guidance that will help them to see possibilities that may not have been visible to them before.

You may like to ask yourself the following two questions:

What are the possible alternatives if we are unable to reach an agreement?

How much do these alternative solutions matter for me and for my Opponent?

Potential Trades

Your potential “Trades” are the negotiating chips you will use to sway your Opponent towards a favorable outcome. You must essentially determine what it is that your Opponent perceives as valuable that you could trade in order to spice up the negotiation. Now, keep in mind that this “thing” you are trading does not necessarily have to have value for you personally. As long as your Opponent sees that it is valuable for them, than that is all that matters. Now, in order to show your Opponent that what you are offering them is valuable, you must gain a deep understanding of their Personal and Company Drivers that we discussed in the previous section.

Also, it is important to gain an understanding of what your Opponent could potentially trade in order to motivate you to agree to their terms. By preparing these ideas in advance will help you to better control the flow of the negotiation process, and potentially reach a more favorable outcome.

Ask yourself the following two questions:

What is each party prepared to give away?

What of value can potentially be traded?

Determining Negotiating Power

Finally, you must determine who holds the influential power within the negotiation. You can gather an understanding of these “balancing scales” by reflecting upon which Party has control over critical resources, knowledge, status and skills. Once you are consciously aware of the “balance of Power”, you can as a consequence better prepare your arguments in order to weaken your Opponent’s “Power Position” while at the same time strengthening your own position within the negotiation.

Ask yourself the following three questions to expand your thinking in this area:

Who holds the power within this negotiation?

Who controls the resources, knowledge, status and skills?

Who stands most to lose if an agreement is not reached?

Questioning Yourself

Once you have questioned your Opponent and the potential outcomes and variables of the negotiation, you must now switch the spotlight on yourself and gain clarity about your personal motives, needs, and the objectives you would like to obtain from this negotiation. Here are three important things you should consider:

Gain Clarity About Your Goals

Gather a clear and concise understanding of the goals and outcomes you would like to achieve as a result of this negotiation.

BEWARE… if you step into the negotiation process without knowing what it is you WANT, than you will walk away from the negotiation with an unfavorable outcome that will leave you feeling empty and guilt-ridden. On the other hand, having clarity about what it is you would like to obtain from the negotiation will allow you to better plan and prepare an effective strategy that will move you towards a favorable outcome. For further information about goal setting, please read the Keys to SMART Goal Setting IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Ask yourself:

What is it that I want to gain from this negotiation?

How will I know when I have reached and achieved this goal?

What signs or variables must I keep a lookout for that will help guide me towards my objectives?

Gain Clarity About Your Motives

Determine what it is that is driving and motivating you towards the goals and objectives you have laid out for yourself. Keep in mind that at times your “motives” may blind you from seeing the most important issues that you actually “need” in order to reach a favorable outcome. You must essentially filter out the “garbage” while staying true to your highest ideals, values and standards. Asking yourself the following questions will provide you with some clarity:

What are my motives for wanting this particular outcome?

What are the underlying subconscious reasons I am wanting to achieve this goal?

Are these motives aligned with my highest ideals, values and standards?

Are these motives blinding me from seeing the bigger picture?

How can I realign my motives effectively in order to encapsulate the “bigger picture” I am now seeing?

Gain Clarity About Your Needs

Finally, you must gain clarity about the personal “needs” that you would like to satisfy as a result of this negotiation.

Keep in mind that your “needs” are very different to your “wants”. The 1st is something that is required unconditionally just like the body needs food and water to survive, while the 2nd has a whole set of variables attached to it that are great to have, however they aren’t necessary when looking from the perspective of the “bigger picture”.

By thoroughly understanding your “needs” you will be better able to position yourself to more effectively target your goals throughout the negotiation process.

Mind Map Areas of Potential Agreement

When it comes to planning out your negotiation, there is probably no better tool than mind mapping. Mind Maps will help you to see the bigger picture and the interconnecting pieces of each and every variable of the negotiation. On top of this, Mind Maps will help you layout your plan of action in an orderly manner making sure that you cover all the necessary points that will assist you to obtain a favorable outcome.

If however you are overwhelmed with the thought of mapping out all the variables of the negotiation process, than a good starting point is to simply Mind Map the potential areas of Agreement and Disagreement that could result from the negotiation. This Mind Map will help you to workaround potential obstacles and opportunities, while enabling you to gain a deeper understanding of your Opponent. Try it once to see the benefits for yourself.

Determine Ideal Location for Negotiation

Once you have gained clarity about your Opponent’s Drivers, the potential outcomes and variables of the negotiation, and your own goals, motives and needs; now you are ready to determine the location where the negotiation will take place. The location you select must support your goals and objectives, while at the same time providing you with a psychological advantage.

Factors that you should consider when setting up an effective location for the negotiation are as follows:

• Room Setting
• Temperature
• Lighting
• Ambiance
• Decor including chairs and tables
• Refreshments
• Physical Space
• Time of Meeting
• Seat Positioning

Setting Up the Seating Position

How you position your Chair in relation to your Opponent’s Chair can effectively determine the outcome of the negotiation in many unexpected ways.

Your “seat positioning” could very well determine how your Opponent perceives you and responds to your arguments, while at the same time limiting or expanding your ability to influence your Opponent emotionally, verbally and/or physically. Here are some quick guidelines:

Side by Side Seating Position

When you are sitting Side-by-Side with your Opponent this signifies a spirit of cooperation. From this position you have a full view of their body language, mannerisms, and you are better able to connect with them physically.

Angled Seating Position

When you are sitting on an angled position in relation to your Opponent, this signifies and naturally stimulates conversation. This is usually the most ideal seating position to take up at the onset of your negotiation session. As your discussion advances and moves forward you can progressively shift into the side-by-side sitting position to further enhance the feelings of cooperation between the two of you.

Opposite Seating Position

When you are sitting opposite your Opponent this signifies confrontation. This is especially evident when there is a table or desk “parting” your interactions, which effectively creates a barrier that prevents physical contact and visibility of the lower parts of your Opponent’s body. This is significant, because the lower part of the body can often display subtle signals that will provide you with deep insights into your Opponent’s patterns of thought and emotion. We will discuss how to read Body Language in great depth in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map.

To Do List: During Your Negotiation

The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map provides you with several techniques, strategies, tools and guidelines that you can utilize throughout the negotiation process.

What to DO During a Negotiation

What you do before your negotiation session goes hand-in-hand with the steps you must consciously take throughout your negotiations.

Below we discuss some fundamental principles that you must take time to learn, cultivate and apply into your negotiation rituals in order to become a more efficient and effective negotiator. Keep in mind that this list is by no means complete. In fact it only represents a small portion of what is required. However, mastering this small portion will significantly strengthen your proficiency as an effective negotiator, and in many ways it will do more for you than if you were to learn a 100 different negotiation or persuasive tactics, which in itself can become a rather overwhelming and daunting experience.

Master the following principles first and foremost, and you will be well on your way towards becoming a very effective and clever negotiator.

Maintain an Optimal Resourceful State

Maintaining a resourceful state will allow you to think more effectively, clearly and creatively. It will also enable you to project a powerful and radiant energy that will be perceived by others as a display of confidence, which can easily turn into respect and admiration.

A resourceful state is created in three fundamental ways:

• Emotionally: The emotions you project.
• Physically: How you utilize your body.
• Mentally: The thoughts that you allow to dwell in your mind and what you mentally focus on at any one moment in time.

We will be discussing the fundamentals of State creation in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Develop & Maintain Rapport with Opponent

Your next objective is to first develop and later maintain a strong rapport with your Opponent. This is done in several ways involving the process of Mirroring and Matching. We will discuss these principles in greater detail and depth in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map, however for the time being here are a few guidelines to get you started:

Mirror Your Opponent

Observe your Opponent carefully taking notice of their facial gestures, body language, and the verbal language they persistently utilize. Particularly pay attention to words they use to express themselves.

Once you are aware of your Opponent’s subtle tendencies and habitual patterns of behavior, begin slowly (gradual progressive mirroring is the key here) mirroring their facial gestures, body language and the words that they use to express their feelings and emotions. Slowly but surely as you persist with this method you will find that your Opponent begins to feel more comfortable around you. This will thusly allow you to connect with them at a deeper and more profound level.

Match Beliefs, Values & Habits

Your Opponent has a set of beliefs, values and habits that makeup their personality and characteristics. In order to connect with them at a deeper level, they must see that you are “like them” in at least a few subtle ways. By consciously matching their beliefs and values will show your Opponent that you stand by the same principles that they believe in. This will thusly help you to build a stronger and longer lasting relationship with your Opponent.

Acknowledge Your Understanding

As your Opponent talks, acknowledge your understanding of their point of view by nodding your head and making short verbal remarks. Don’t mistaken this as an “agreement” but rather as a show of your understanding of their point of view, positioning, and argument. If they see that you are willingly considering their side of the story, than they will be more open and accepting of your side of the story.

Paraphrase What is Being Said

Take your acknowledgment and understanding to another level by paraphrasing what your Opponent has spoken in your own words. This will show your Opponent that you have clearly heard them and understand their point of view. It will also show them that you are paying attention and are seriously considering their argument. This will likewise gain you a great deal of respect, and help you to build closer bonds with the people you are negotiating with.

Communicate Clearly

Finally building rapport with your Opponent requires that you communicate clearly, succinctly and efficiently. If your Opponent cannot understand your point of view, than you will struggle to build a good solid relationship and will likewise hurt your chances of reaching a favorable outcome.

Think in Solution Oriented Terms

When we enter a negotiation it is very easy to get carried away with the problems and obstacles that negotiations bring to the forefront of our minds. Sometimes these problems grow so large that it is difficult to see the opportunities and solutions that would help both of you reach a favorable outcome. The answer simply lies in “Solution Oriented Thinking”.

The following presents you with just a few ideas that will enable and encourage you to think in solution oriented ways:

Chunk Up

When you can’t see eye-to-eye with your Opponent and you begin to feel that problems are getting in the way of your negotiations, decide immediately to Chunk Up seeking common global interests (the bigger picture) that you and your Opponent share. These interests will help you establish areas of common ground that you can agree upon and therefore work from in order to reach a favorable outcome.

Chunk Down

When you can’t see eye-to-eye with your Opponent and you begin to feel that problems are getting in the way of your negotiations, decide immediately to Chunk Down seeking common agreement specifics that you and your Opponent share. You may not see the same solution, however there may very well be certain aspects of this solution that you both acknowledge and can agree upon. Simply identify these aspects and work on re-establishing rapport and finding common ground.

Find Shared Problems

When solutions seem to be too few and far between, than simply flip the switch and focus on common problems that both of you share. From here you can both work together to identify possible solutions to these problems that will help all parties concerned reach a favorable outcome.

Sometimes it’s our common problems that bring forth the greatest insights and ideas.

Utilize Questions Not Statements

Building rapport with your Opponent and seeking solution oriented outcomes requires that you minimize making statements and rather focus on asking solution based questions that will expand your Opponent’s thinking and reflective abilities. By learning to ask more effective questions will also assist you to gather the information you need from your Opponent to successfully swing the negotiation pendulum in your favor. For more information about effective questioning, please read Strategic Life Questioning Tactics IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Reach Win / Win Agreements

There are a variety of opinions about when you should finalize and seal a negotiation. Some believe you should work for a win/loss scenario (you win and your Opponent loses), while others stand by the claim that the only way to walk away from a negotiation is when both parties have achieved a favorable outcome. The second option in most instances is your better long-term solution. We are here to fight for what we want, yet at the same time we would be doing others an injustice if we were to make them feel regretful and remorseful after the negotiation has concluded.

You never know when you are going to need someone’s help or assistance in the future. Therefore a win/win scenario is always the best outcome for a vast majority of negotiations.

Prioritize Ideas & Suggestions

Throughout the negotiation process you must be continuously prioritizing a variety of variables, ideas, solutions, suggestions and proposals made by you and your Opponent on paper or within your mind. These will help you to think more clearly, which will likewise enhance your decision making ability. It will also ensure that you don’t miss the bigger picture that is absolutely critical to the success of each negotiation.

Utilize Principles of Pain & Pleasure

The principles of pain and pleasure are persuasive negotiation tactics, that if utilized to their fullest potential, can and will checkmate your Opponent. This is in actuality quite an extensive topic that will be the focus of a future IQ Matrix Mind Map. However, for the purpose of negotiation, keep in mind that your Opponent will psychologically make decisions based on experiencing the feelings of immediate pleasure in the moment, while at the same time they will do whatever it takes to move away from the feelings of experiencing immediate pain.

You can effectively utilize this knowledge to your advantage by progressively showing your Opponent that if they agree to your terms that it will bring them immediate pleasure, and if they don’t agree to your terms that it will bring them immediate and long-term pain. On the other hand, it is important to convince your Opponent that agreeing to their terms will bring them immediate and long-term pain. They may not initially see it that way, but as an effective negotiator, it is your responsibility to lead them down this path.

Again, this is quite a comprehensive topic that we will discuss in great depth at a later time. If you don’t quite understand how it works, than that’s okay. More details will be revealed at a later time that will expand on the ideas presented within this section.

Make Logical Arguments

Intelligent people will not be easily convinced by the use of emotional persuasive tactics. However, if you present them with a logical argument that breaks down your point of view into facts, stats and data that they cannot disprove, than you will effectively win them over to your way of thinking.

Utilize a Plethora of Negotiation Tactics

If you are still not making much progress using all the above negotiation strategies we have discussed, than you can simply turn to an abundance of negotiation tactics that can be utilized to your advantage. I will not be discussing these negotiation tactics within this article post because they are simply beyond the scope of the IQ Matrix Mind Map. However, I highly recommend that you visit the Changing Minds Website which presents you with 65 powerful negotiation specific tactics you can immediately implement.

Without going into too much detail, here is a simple list of some of my favorite tactics that I like to utilize throughout the negotiation process:

• Proactively vary your emotions from “stunned” to “relaxed” depending on the context of the situation.
• Simply walk away from the negotiation to signify your detached connection to the outcome.
• Present your Opponent with Rock Solid facts that they cannot argue against.
• Delay the negotiation in order to build tension.
• Paint a gloomy picture of an undesirable outcome.
• Make the “unimportant issues” essential, then concede them at a later time with hesitation.
• Create a plethora of alternate options and solutions.
• Set the deadline for the negotiation. Do not allow your Opponent to do this for you.
• Allow 72 hours of solid thinking time before you agree to a negotiation.
• Utilize silences effectively.
• Negotiate utilizing smaller chunks.

Future Pace Possible Scenarios Before Agreeing

Finally, once you have more or less settled on a few potential options for a fair and favorable agreement, take some time to Future Pace these outcomes in order to identify potential breakdowns, holes, weaknesses and drawbacks that may arise. To do this, simply begin by asking yourself the following two questions:

If something could go wrong, what would?

How will I deal with this when it happens?

What NOT TO DO During a Negotiation

Negotiating a successful and favorable outcome very often rests upon “NOT” what You DO during a negotiation, but rather upon what you Refrain from DOING.

The following list presents you with a set of simple yet very important guidelines of what NOT do DO during the negotiation process:

Don’t Speak the Following Words

Words are a critical component of the communication process. Sometimes they are so very important, that a few ill-thought-out words can spell your doom and break down the negotiation at a moment’s notice.

Here are a few words you should refrain from using throughout the negotiation process.

• “If…”
• “Try…”
• “Hope…”
• “Should…”
• “Can’t…”
• “But…”

Each of these words has a negative or weak (in terms of self-esteem) connotation associated with it that may very well ruin your chances of attaining a favorable outcome.

Don’t Think Narrowly or in Absolutes

When we think narrowly in absolutes we see our Opponent or the situation as being black or white, good or bad, right or wrong, clever or dumb, etc. We also limit our ability to think “outside the box”. We don’t necessarily have to have everything our way in order to walk away from the negotiation with a feeling of satisfaction. Sometimes we actually hurt the negotiation process by being unreasonably stubborn and unwilling to bend to the changing landscape of the negotiation.

It is NOT the most solid of Trees that stands up to the brutal force of the winds, but rather the Tree that is willing to bend and sway to the wind’s shifting directions. This of course does not mean that the Tree doesn’t stand it’s ground. On the contrary, it’s roots remain firmly entrenched into mother earth. However, because of it’s ability to sway with the forces of the winds, it is better able to deal with the changing weather patterns.

Don’t Accept Statements as Truth of Fact

No matter how much faith you have in your Opponent, there is every chance that they will say and do things that will strengthen their position – while weakening yours – that may not be based on truth or fact. As an effective Negotiator you must be consciously vigilant to this possibility, and should therefore utilize effective questioning tactics to ensure that what your Opponent is saying stands up to your Critical Thinking methods.

Don’t Rush the Negotiation Process

Sometimes we rush negotiations so very quickly that we simply do not have the time to identify potential opportunities for agreement that could benefit all parties involved within the negotiation process. In such instances it is better to walk away from the negotiation, to gather your thoughts, and then step back into the negotiation at a later time with more clarity and ammunition that will help you attain a favorable outcome.

Don’t Miss the Bigger Picture

Negotiations can at times plateau into a discussion about ever expanding small irrelevant issues that simply don’t need to be resolved. By getting lost in these insignificant details, we simply lose track of the bigger picture. What’s worse, is that we simply don’t realize that by sorting out the bigger picture will efficiently resolve a whole plethora of smaller interconnected problems; effectively killing two birds with one stone.

Don’t Instigate Disagreement

No matter how much you like to argue and fight your personal point of view – the purpose of a negotiation is to reach a favorable resolution that is most ideal for all parties concerned. It is simply not worth your time and effort to keep hitting your head against a brick wall if the wall is just going to stand its ground. Instead focus on building rapport with your Opponent, on finding common ground, and on tackling shared problems that will lead to a satisfactory solution for all concerned.

Don’t Talk without Listening

When it comes to effective negotiations, there are times when we should be talking, and other times when we must listen and hear our Opponent’s point of view. Sometimes it can be so very easy for us to get caught up thinking about what we are going to say next while our Opponent is stating their point of view. This is a red flag and a suicide notice that will undoubtedly cause communication breakdowns and result in a failed outcome that doesn’t favor either party.

Don’t Corner Opponent

Finally, do you really want to back a lion into a corner? This is no doubt a very dangerous situation to be in.

Don’t ever back your Opponent into a corner. Even if you get the result that you wanted from utilizing this tactic, your Opponent may very well end up walking away from the negotiation with a feeling of emptiness. In such situations you may have lost more than you gained including trust, respect and a potential alliance that could bring you even greater rewards in the future.

Final Thoughts

Many inexperienced Negotiators quickly jump to the conclusion that negotiation is nothing more than a process that requires a forceful and aggressive stance that subdues the other person into accepting their proposal or solution. In reality, negotiation is a delicate art that requires discipline, patience, and a deep seated understanding of yourself, your Opponent and the subject and circumstances of your negotiation. It is in fact a gentle balancing act that must be carefully planned out and pieced together from the very beginning to allow both parties to walk away with a favorable win/win agreement.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any further queries or questions, or would like to share your experiences about this topic, than please do so in the comments section below.

Spotlight on the MasterMind Matrix

Negotiation through a Tactical Advantage is an important and indispensable component of the MasterMind Matrix.

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The MasterMind Matrix is a Psychological Chart of Personal Success and Achievement. It is used as an effective Self-Coaching tool that will help guide you through the personal obstacles, setbacks and limitations that may stand in your way as you progress towards the attainment of your goals and objectives in the field of academics, business, career, sports, or life in general.

Each IQ Matrix Mind Map that is available through this website represents a single cell fragment of the MasterMind Matrix. For more information and images, visit the MasterMind Matrix page.

Free Articles & Online Resources

Here are a number of highly recommended free articles and online resources that will further help expand your understanding about this topic:

• 65 Negotiation Tactics @ Changing Minds
• Why My 7 Year Old Can Out Negotiate Half the Lawyers in NY @ Jonathan Fields
• The Art of Negotiation: 15 Steps to Success @ Dumb Little Man
• Negotiation Tip: How to be a Winner @ Ego Development
• Build Posture to Close Deals @ Genius Types
• Salary Negotiation: 32 Job Pay Tips @ Negotiations
• Prepare to Negotiate @ Genuine Curiosity
• How to Lose Money When You’re Negotiating @ Trizle
• How to Improve Your Negotiation Skills @ The Bridge Maker
• Don’t Wait, Negotiate: A Simple Winning Strategy for Non-Negotiators @ My Super-charged Life

Recommended Products

The Effective Manager Seminar Series: Negotiating Strategies and Tactics – Negotiating is a daily function that impact effects everyone. You are negotiating for not only products, but the services of everyone around you. Excellent negotiators save money for themselves as well as their company. Negotiating makes money! You must become a skilled negotiator to be successful in business… by Brian Tracy

Guide To Business Negotiating – Transactions make or break a business. Companies have to make purchases to create their product or service, and companies have to generate sales to gain revenue. Such transactions require negotiations, and the outcome of those negotiations are crucial to the life of the company. Therefore, knowing how to negotiate is of the utmost importance. Don’t let other companies make you sell yourself short. Learning the steps needed to Power Negotiate, you equip yourself to add dollars to your bottom line… by Roger Dawson

Guide to Everyday Negotiating – Do you get intimidated by fast-talking automobile salespeople or pushy real estate people? Did you ever wonder if you could have got a better price on anything you’ve purchased? These are some of the questions everybody has asked at one time or another. The good news is that you not only can determine the best price on anything you want, you can also get the salesperson to want to give you the best price that they can. Roger Dawson will guide you through all the necessary skills to negotiate the best possible deal for yourself in any situation… by Roger Dawson

Power Negotiating for Sales People – In this comprehensive program, Roger Dawson presents a guide to living a more fulfilling life. Through his insight, experiences, and instruction, he challenges you to become a Power Performer. You’ll learn to identify and overcome the things that are holding you back. As you begin to grow into a Power Performer, you’ll begin to take responsibility for your own life… by Roger Dawson

The Secret Power of Negotiating – Whether you are closing a major business deal or buying a new house, you have to be a negotiator everyday. Let Roger Dawson teach you how to become a power negotiator so that you can get anything that you want!… by Roger Dawson

Recommended Books

• Secret of Power Negotiating by Roger Dawson
• Fearless Negotiating by Michael C. Donaldson
• The Only Negotiating Guide You’ll Ever Need: 101 Ways to Win Every Time in Any Situation by Peter Stark & Jane Flaherty
• Getting to YES: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher, Brice Patton & William Ury
• A Women’s Guide to Successful Negotiating: How to Convince, Collaborate, & Create Your Way to Agreement by Lee Miller & Jessica Miller
• Getting Past NO by William Ury
• NO: The Only Negotiating System You Need for Work and Home by Jim Camp
• Negotiating Rationally by Max H. Bazerman
• Negotiating with Giants by Peter D. Johnston
• Smart Negotiating: How to Make Good Deals in the Real World by James C. Freund

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Introduction

Some say that Extraordinary Leadership is something that is injected into our psychology at the moment of our conception. Apparently these leadership characteristics and traits come packaged as part of our DNA makeup. We are therefore either born with the gift for Extraordinary Leadership or we unfortunately draw the short end of the straw. Conversely, others believe that Extraordinary Leaders are not born but rather nurtured and inspired into feats of greatness.

The discussion that follows pre-supposes that we are not born with the essential qualities of leadership ingrained into our psyche. It rather introduces several key components of leadership that can be developed and blended into our psychology over time.

The 1st branch of the IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the fundamental Leadership Mindset and the essential traits that are required for inspiring leadership in business, sports and life. The 2nd branch of the IQ Matrix Mind Map identifies a number of critical skills that a leader must work to cultivate and develop within themselves on a daily basis. The 3rd branch of the IQ Matrix Mind Map touches upon some essential practices of leadership that involve motivating others and leading people in challenging times. The final branch of the IQ Matrix Mind Map delves into some common leadership mistakes that we must avoid at all costs if we seek to climb the ladder towards the Extraordinary.

The Mindset of an Extraordinary Leader

This branch of the IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the fundamental traits of an Extraordinary Leader, including the essential principles they live by on a daily basis and the qualities they cultivate within their psyche that help support their actions and decisions.

Leadership Traits

The following is a list of essential traits that one must learn to cultivate into their personality in order to grow as an Extraordinary Leader in business, sports, school and life.

One must be…

Committed

An Extraordinary Leader is 100% committed to their team, company, goals, and vision.

Assertive

An Extraordinary Leader takes action and makes decisions assertively and decisively.

Passionate to Fulfill Vision

An Extraordinary Leader pursues their goals, objectives and visions with a passionate intensity in everything they do on a daily basis.

Courageous in Finding Solutions

An Extraordinary Leader has the courage to find solutions where others only see problems and disappointments.

Confident

An Extraordinary Leader maintains their poise and confidence no matter what events or circumstances are standing in their way.

Honest

An Extraordinary Leader is honest when dealing with others, and most importantly is honest and true to themselves, especially in times of difficulty and trouble.

Never Compromising Highest Standards

An Extraordinary Leader stays true to their highest values and standards no matter how much external pressure they receive from other people and seemingly uncontrollable circumstances.

Not Living by Situational Ethics

An Extraordinary Leader does not live by Situational Ethics. Instead they stay true to their highest principles no matter what consequences may result from their decisions or actions.

Willing to Admit their Mistakes

An Extraordinary Leader shows their humanity by admitting to minor – and at times major – weaknesses, faults and mistakes.

Have a Sense of Humor

An Extraordinary Leader projects their own unique sense-of-humor, and always seeks to point out the lighter side of a situation.

Leadership Principles

The following is a list of important principles that Extraordinary Leaders live by on a daily basis. They seek to project these principles into their daily decisions and actions.

One must be…

Strong Not Rude

An Extraordinary Leader is strong, assertive and decisive, while at the same time being respectful and courteous when dealing with others.

Kind Not Weak

An Extraordinary Leader shows a gentle kindness when the situation requires. However, it would take a fool to assume that this kindness is a sign of weakness. The kindness shown by an Extraordinary Leader is rather a sign of respect for those he/she deals with on a daily basis.

Bold Not a Bully

An Extraordinary Leader takes massive fearless action and does whatever is required to get the job done. However, this does not mean that they bully their way towards their goals and objectives. Instead they progressively navigate and persuade their way through people and obstacles towards their desired outcomes.

Thoughtful Not Lazy

An Extraordinary Leader takes time to think and ponder their leadership style and circumstances each and every day in order to improve the outcomes they desire to bring forth into their life. This should not be mistaken as laziness.

Proud Not Arrogant

An Extraordinary Leader is proud of their work, their people and their accomplishments. Yet you will not hear them bragging about their achievements to others.

Humble Not Timid

An Extraordinary Leader is humble about their accomplishments and abilities. They rather give credit to others than take it for themselves. This should not be mistaken for timidness which stems from a lack of confidence in one’s abilities.

Witty Not Silly

An Extraordinary Leader is witty in nature. They are cunning and clever in their approach to people, events and circumstances.

Leadership Qualities

The following is a list of important qualities that Extraordinary Leaders live by on a daily basis. They seek grow these qualities within themselves on a daily basis.

One must be…

Visionary

An Extraordinary Leader is a visionary. They Think BIG and picture what they want in their minds with clarity and purpose. Moreover they share these visions and plans with others in order to move and inspire them into action for one common purpose and cause.

Firm Against Criticism

An Extraordinary Leader is firm against criticism, fully understanding that unconstructive criticism can destroy even the most resilient hearts.

Inspirational

An Extraordinary Leader projects inspiration through their words, gestures and actions. These symbols inspire their team into massive action for a common purpose, vision and goal.

Excellence Minded

An Extraordinary Leader always thinks in terms of perfecting every action and process that will further help improve the efficiency and effectiveness of their enterprise. As a result you will never find them compromising their highest standards or values.

Responsible

An Extraordinary Leader takes full responsibility for their decisions and actions. You will never find them explaining or complaining to others about their current circumstances.

Focused

An Extraordinary Leader is focused on the strengths and needs of the situation, in respect to themselves and especially to the needs of others.

An Extraordinary Leader is focused on the most important tasks, roles and priorities at all times no matter how much mayhem is circulating around them.

Interpersonal Qualities

An Extraordinary Leader has exceptional interpersonal qualities that shine through when dealing with other people. They are always consistent and fair, open to new ideas and perspectives, and project magnanimity – always giving credit to others for their efforts, work and results.

Indispensable Leadership Skills

This branch of the IQ Matrix Mind Map delves into the essential skills that an Extraordinary Leader must work on developing within themselves on a daily basis in order to improve their efficiency and effectiveness of their actions and decisions.

Interpersonal Skills

The following is a list of Interpersonal Skills that an Extraordinary Leader must master in order to improve their efficiency and effectiveness when dealing with other people.

Negotiation Skills

Negotiation skills strengthen an Extraordinary Leader’s ability to reach agreements in an efficient and effective manner.

Delegation Skills

Delegation skills allow an Extraordinary Leader to leverage their time more effectively.

Persuasion & Influence Skills

Persuasion and Influence skills help an Extraordinary Leader to inspire and motivate others into action.

Sales Skills

Sales skills strengthen an Extraordinary Leader’s ability to sell themselves, their company, their team and their product or service to others in a more effective and efficient manner.

Public Speaking Skills

Public Speaking skills allow an Extraordinary Leader to get their point and argument across to others in a confident, entertaining and persuasive manner.

Psychological / Behavioral / Rapport Creation Skills

An Extraordinary Leader must have a solid understanding of human behavior. First, they must become aware of people’s physical and psychological tendencies, habits, values, beliefs, needs, etc, at a deeply profound level. Secondly, they must adjust their approach accordingly in order to improve their efficiency and effectiveness when dealing with others. The deeper their understanding of these psychological traits, the more profound of an influence they will have on other people’s lives.

Personal Skills

The following is a list of personal Skills that an Extraordinary Leader must master in order to stay ahead of the game and on top of the daily events and circumstances that confront their reality.

Goal Setting / Time Management Skills

Goal Setting is closely intertwined with Time Management Skills. An Extraordinary Leader requires both to set long-term visions, short-term objectives, priorities, and tasks for themselves and others.

Effective Thinking Skills

Critical Questioning Tactics: An Extraordinary Leader must be able to keep an open mind about every event, person or circumstance. This is where effective Critical Thinking Tactics become essential to their decision making process.

Creative Thinking Ability: An Extraordinary Leader must be able to think outside the box about problems and circumstances that may impede their progress towards the attainment of their goals and objectives.

Problem Solving Thinking Strategies: An Extraordinary Leader must have the ability to think through the problems confronting their reality in a logical and structured manner that naturally enhances their efficiency and effectiveness as they go about their day.

Self-Motivation & Self-Awareness Skills

An Extraordinary Leader must have an understanding of their own tendencies, habits, values, rules, meta-programs, beliefs and behaviors at a profoundly deep level of awareness. Only with this understanding will they be able to direct their own behavior in the most efficient and effective manner possible at all times.

Decision Making Skills

An Extraordinary Leader understands how to make effective decisions at the right moment and time. They fully comprehend the drawbacks, benefits, and consequences of each decision before it is made. And they time their decisions, perfectly aligning them to the needs of the situation and the people involved in bringing this decision into fruition.

Adaptability Skills

Being Adaptable means maintaining a flexibility of thought and a fluidity in action that will allow an Extraordinary Leader to change course and direction as events and circumstances are transforming around them.

Outstanding Leadership Actions

This branch of the IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down a number of actions that all leaders will find important and necessary as they move down the path towards improving their leadership style and effectiveness.

Motivating People

An Extraordinary Leader must have an uncanny ability to motivate and inspire their people into action. The following presents a number of significant components that are necessary and required when it comes to motivating people from the highest levels.

Encourage Highest Standards

An Extraordinary Leader encourages the highest standards of work, behavior and action in order to help their people gain the very most out of their personal abilities.

Communicate Honestly & Clearly

An Extraordinary Leader understands the importance of honest and clear communication at all times. This clarity helps instill confidence, while honesty stimulates mutual respect between the leader and his/her people.

Inspire through Action

An Extraordinary Leader clearly understands that only through leading by example and inspiring others via their own personal actions, will they be able to get the most out of their people.

Become a Teacher

An Extraordinary Leader takes on the role as a teacher and mentor. They help grow the minds of the people that follow them by instilling knowledge and wisdom using creative and inspirational tactics.

Empathize, Dream & Strategize with Others

An Extraordinary Leader treats others humanly with deep respect and appreciation. Empathizing, dreaming and strategizing with others grows the personal bonds and strengthens the connection between a leader and their followers.

Leading in Challenging Times

An Extraordinary Leader is most extraordinary in times of crisis when everything seems to be falling apart and crashing down around them. The following lists a number of key personal strategies that Extraordinary Leaders use to keep themselves focused and in control of seemingly uncontrollable events and circumstances.

Create Small Victories

An Extraordinary Leader finds ways to create small victories that keep them and their Followers motivated and moving forward.

Keep Sense-of-Humor

No matter what is going on around them, an Extraordinary Leader always sees the lighter-side of every situation. They fully understand that a sense-of-humor is a key component that will relax and re-focus them on what is most important at any moment in time.

Keep Motivation Levels High

An Extraordinary Leader finds ways to keep their motivation levels as high as possible at all times. The motivational strategies they utilize in these situations depend on their personality and circumstances.

Make Emotional Intelligent Decisions

An Extraordinary Leader understands that in times of crisis that their emotions can influence their rationale and decision making process in unfortunate ways. Hence, they keep their emotions in check at all times and only make decisions that are based on logical conclusions and solid evidence.

Be First to Sacrifice

In times of crisis an Extraordinary Leader is always the first to make personal sacrifices. This in turn inspires their Followers to follow suit.

Focus on the Bigger Picture

During challenging times, an Extraordinary Leader understands the importance of maintaining their focus on the bigger picture, and not absorbing their mind within daily “spot-fires” that would normally distract others.

Common Leadership Mistakes

The final branch of the IQ Matrix Mind Map delves into some common leadership mistakes that we must avoid at all costs if we seek to climb the ladder towards the Extraordinary.

Interpersonal Mistakes

The following is a list of just a few common Interpersonal mistakes that leaders often make.

Flaunting Power

A Weak Leader has a tendency to flaunt their power while in the presence of others. This builds resentment and anger within the people who follow them.

Complaining to Subordinates

A Weak Leader constantly complains to others about their circumstances, unfulfilled objectives, unrealized goals and targets, and about mistakes that have been made by themselves or others.

Making Assumptions

A Weak Leader is quick to jump to assumptions about events, people and circumstances without first confirming all the evidence, statistics and facts.

Not Leading by Example

A Weak Leader does not live by the principles they preach. Their words will point their Followers in one direction, while their personal actions will contradict the language they speak. Inconsistency builds resentment, and resentment creates dissention within the ranks.

Personal Mistakes

The following is a list of just a few common Personal mistakes that leaders often make.

Not Giving Power Away

A Weak Leader is fearful of giving their power away to others. They will hold onto knowledge, skills, tools and resources in order to maintain full control in their hands. This fear eventually eats them alive and they destroy themselves from within.

Not Willing to Make Tough Decisions

A Weak Leader doesn’t like to take responsibility for their mistakes. For this reason they tend to shun away from making the tough decisions that could lead to discouraging outcomes.

Company Mistakes

The following is a list of just a few common Company mistakes that leaders often make.

Not Riding Momentum

A Weak Leader takes periods of momentum for granted. They become complacent and sabotage the progress of their team by not taking full advantage of the momentum that has been created.

Not Appointing a 2nd in Command

A Weak Leader enjoys being in full and complete control of every event and circumstance. However, as momentum grows and things expand it becomes increasingly more difficult to maintain order. A Weak Leader simply does not realize that appointing a 2nd in command will help ease the pressure off their shoulders while potentially improving the efficiency and effectiveness of their operations.

Ignoring Company Problems

A Weak Leader doesn’t like dealing with problems or conflict. They therefore ignore these situations and allow them to fester and strengthen over time. What they don’t realize is that problems cannot be avoided. Instead problems must be dealt with in a proficient and speedy manner, otherwise they may very well grow uncontrollably into a crisis that may lead to the downfall of the entire company or team.

Final Thoughts

Becoming an Extraordinary Leader takes work, dedication and a commitment to excellence. It is something that we strengthen and grow over a period of time as we learn more about ourselves and about our ability to deal with other people and circumstances in the most efficient and effective manner possible. Moreover, the Path to Extraordinary Leadership is more of a journey rather than an end destination. We become Extraordinary through our consistent actions and dedication to a cause and vision that inspires those around us in Extraordinary and unexpected ways.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any further queries or questions, or would like to share your experiences about this topic, than please do so in the comments section below.

Spotlight on the MasterMind Matrix

The Path to Extraordinary Leadership is an important and indispensable component of the MasterMind Matrix.

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The MasterMind Matrix is a Psychological Chart of Personal Success and Achievement. It is used as an effective Self-Coaching tool that will help guide you through the personal obstacles, setbacks and limitations that may stand in your way as you progress towards the attainment of your goals and objectives in the field of academics, business, career, sports, or life in general.

Each IQ Matrix Mind Map that is available through this website represents a single cell fragment of the MasterMind Matrix. For more information and images, visit the MasterMind Matrix page.

Free Articles & Online Resources

Here are a number of highly recommended free articles and online resources that will further help expand your understanding about this topic:

• 20 Indicators of Failing at Leadership @ Slow Leadership
• 2 Styles of Leadership & Their Consequences @ Slow Leadership
• Nelson Mandela’s 8 Lessons in Leadership @ Slow Leadership
• 8 Rules of Leadership from George Washington @ 7P Productions
• Leadership Training Begins with Personal Leadership Skills @ Trans4mind
• The 7 Demands of Leadership @ Cultivate Greatness
• 11 Principles of Entrepreneurial Leadership @ Cultivate Greatness
• 25 Great Quotes on Leadership @ Positivity Blog
• Why Doesn’t Leadership Training Produce Leaders @ Cultivate Greatness
• 6 Essential Areas to Being a Great Leader @ Cultivate Greatness
• 7 Leadership Tips Inspired by Barack Obama @ Yin vs Yang
• Leadership: Accepting Mistakes @ Learn This
• Leadership: Remember It’s About People @ Learn This
• 6 Lessons on Leadership from Captain Bligh @ Alec Satin
• Leadership: 5 Facts Leadership Gurus Don’t Tell @ Enhance Life
• Top 10 Leadership Lessons @ Sources of Insight

Recommended Products

Leadership: The Critical Difference – Your company may not have all the money in the world, but you can still have the best training in the world. With the rate of business failures today, it’s important to start out with an effective business strategy. Brian Tracy will teach you all of the various components of an effective business strategy. Learn the same strategies that all successful business are built on.

The Dale Carnegie Leadership Mastery Course – Leadership can put you in total control of your life and make your dreams a reality. It can move your career on to the fast track and bring you high levels of prestige. It can make you a powerful communicator with a vast influence over others. Plus, it can improve your relationships, your decision-making ability, and your peace of mind about the world and where it’s headed.

The Essence of Leadership – With great photography, inspirational quotes, and stories to reinforce each point, Mac Anderson shares what he has learned about leadership in his 30 years as a successful enterpreneur.

Achieving Credibility: The Key to Effective Leadership – Here you’ll find a truly human approach to leadership, one that identifies and focuses on the traits we all admire in other people. Kouzes helps you put your finger on the intangibles that make some people simply stand head and shoulders above their peers. And most of all, you’ll come to understand why building credibility is such a fundamental aspect of the leadership process.

Recommended Books

• The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader: Becoming the Person Others Will Want to Follow by John C. Maxwell
• The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You by John C. Maxwell
• Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, Richard E Boyatzis & Annie McKee
• Total Leadership; Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life by Steward D. Friedman
• Principle Centered Leadership by Stephen R. Covey
• Leadership 101: What Every Leader Need to Know by John C. Maxwell
• Developing the Leader Within You by John C. Maxwell
• The Power Principle: Influence With Honor by Blaine Lee

If you would like to download a copy of this IQ Matrix, it is available from the IQ Matrix Shop.