IQ Matrix Blog » Life Coaching

Overcoming Insurmountable Obstacles

Adam Sicinski — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 13:45:27 +0000

Introduction

Setting goals is the first step… achieving them is the second step… and it’s at this second step that most of us stumble. We stumble NOT because the goal is unachievable, but rather because of unexpected obstacles and challenges that arise along the journey that make the goal seem unachievable.

It’s important to understand that every goal we set naturally comes with a plethora of “land-mines” that are attached to that goal. These land-mines show up in our lives as a set of obstacles, challenges and problems that we must surpass in order to get to our end destination, which is our goal. In fact, unless we successfully maneuver through these land-mines and overcome them, than we will fail to learn the valuable lessons that are required to help us achieve — and keep — our goal when we get to that end destination.

Have you ever heard of multi-million dollar lottery winners who are far worse off today than they were before they won the lotto? They lost their money because they didn’t go through the struggles, obstacles, challenges and problems that self-made millionaires face, and as a result they weren’t able to hold onto their goal when it was clearly within their grasp.

This blog post won’t help you win the lottery, however what it will do is help you to deal with the obstacles that you will likely face as you progress along your journey towards the attainment of your objectives.

Types of Obstacles

There are 3 types of obstacles that you will likely face along your journey towards your goals. These include personal obstacles, environmental obstacles and social obstacles. Each is outlined separately below.

Personal Obstacles

Personal Obstacles are related to our psychology, behaviors and states of mind. They can include limiting habits, debilitating emotions, fears and beliefs. These obstacles prevent us from moving forward towards the attainment of our goals and objectives because of the thoughts that we tend to dwell upon on a daily basis [see: goal setting] . These thoughts naturally prevent us from making effective decisions and undertaking the actions that will help us create the momentum we need to get to our end destination.

Here is a list of Personal Obstacles that could be preventing you from moving forward in your life:

Lack of Pain [see: pain and pleasure principle]
Lack of Discipline
Lack of Knowledge
Lack of Inspiration
Lack of Desire
Lack of Skill
Fear of Change [see: comfort zone]
Fear of Failure [see: overcoming fear]
Feeling Unworthy [see: raising self-esteem]
Procrastination [see: overcoming procrastination]
Perfectionism [see: defying perfectionism]
Disorganization
Pessimistic Thoughts [see: positive mental attitude]
Too many Time Constraints [see: time management]
Too much Complacency
Too much Blaming of Self and Others

Identify if any of these obstacles are currently preventing you from getting what you want most out of life, and choose today to take control of your thought patterns and begin making better and far more effective decisions [see: decision making].

Social Obstacles

Social Obstacles are related to people who either do no cooperate with you, sabotage you, or are simply incompetent and unable to fulfill the responsibilities assigned to them.

When it comes to social obstacles, it’s important to do a little forward planning, to make sure that you clarify your needs adequately, your knowledge thoroughly and your instructions carefully — ensuring that that the communication doesn’t break down at any stage. It also helps to develop good strong bonds and relationships with the people you rely on most.

You will go out of your mind if you try to control everyone’s behavior, decisions and actions. Instead try to subtly influence people and understand their needs, motives and desires. Only in this way will you successfully improve your chances of manoevering through the social obstacles in your life [see:personal influence].

Environmental Obstacles

Environmental Obstacles are often unexpected conditions, occurrences and circumstances that you have very little control over.

Because these events and circumstances are unexpected, we are often ill-prepared and unable to deal with them effectively. However, if we do a little research and use some forward planning we may be able to predict and oftentimes influence these occurrences by setting into place contingency plans. To do this, begin by following Murphy’s Law [see: murphy's law]:

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong at the worst possible time, all of the time when you least expect it. So what are you going to do about it?

When you plan for the future, you effectively gather a better understanding of the possible scenarios and consequences of your decisions and actions. Planning also gives you insight into additional resources you may need to help you overcome environmental obstacles that lie on the journey ahead.

Obstacle Analysis Questions

As a Life Skills Coach, I often work with clients who are struggling to overcome obstacles in their lives. They don’t know what to do, where to begin or how to move forward. In such instances I will ask them a series of questions that helps them gain new perspectives and understandings about their circumstances. As a result they begin to awaken hidden resources they never realized they had before.

I have outlined the specific questions I ask below.

Question the Problem

What are the indications that this is a problem for you?

How do you know this is accurate?

Question the Origins of Problem

How did all this start?

Who or what perpetuates this problem?

Identify the Details

When did it happen?

How did it happen?

Where did it happen?

Determine the Consequences

What would happen if you ignored it?

When could it become a bigger problem?

What could lead to this specific outcome?

How does this affect you?

How does this affect others?

How does this affect life?

Could resolving this cause other problems?

Take Control

Whose behavior do you control?

What aspects of this problem can you control?

What aspects of this problem can’t you control?

How must you respond to what you can’t control?

Identify the Positives

What is happening that is good?

What would you like to have continue to happen?

Gain Perspective

What are your assumptions about this?

How are your assumptions contributing to the problem?

What is another perspective you haven’t considered?

Who has successfully overcome this?

What can you learn from this person?

Expand Your Options

What could you do differently?

Who could assist you here?

Where haven’t you looked for a solution?

How will you know when this problem has been resolved?

What is your criteria for success?

Tips for Overcoming Obstacles

When confronted with obstacles, problems and challenges, it’s easy to become a little overwhelmed [see: beating overwhelm], especially when the circumstances are unfamiliar and seem a little threatening and urgent. However, no matter what life throws your way, keep in mind that there are always options available, there are always things you can do, actions you can take and decisions you can make that will keep moving you forward in the right of your goals.

The final two branches of this IQ Matrix Map provide general tips and suggestions that you can utilize today to help you overcome the obstacles standing in your way.

Step Back Emotionally

When unexpected obstacles suddenly show up, it’s easy to react emotionally to the circumstances. However, emotional reactions are often not very productive, and more times than not they don’t alleviate the situation. Instead we must learn to step back from our emotions and see the situation from an external perspective — through logic and reason [see: emotional mastery]. It’s only once we grasp the circumstances from an intellectual perspective that we begin to identify the true relevance and significance of the events that have taken place.

Gain Necessary Resources & Support

At times we simply do not have the necessary resources to help us deal with the situation at hand [see: resources list]. In such circumstances we must question what pieces of the puzzle we are currently missing, and then look for the necessary tools, strategies, knowledge and the support we need to help us overcome this obstacle successfully.

Acquire Different Perspective

Sometimes obstacles are only as real as we make them out to be. In fact at times obstacles are simply misunderstandings and generalizations that we have made about circumstances. At other times obstacles are only as real as the assumptions that are clouding our vision.

To begin shifting your perspective, start by viewing the situation you find yourself in from another person’s perspective. Alternatively you can utilize a plethora of framing and reframing techniques that will help you shift the way you think about your circumstances [see: reframing reality].

Seek Guidance

Often the answers we need to help us overcome the obstacles in our lives can be found by simply talking to other people. In fact, other people might have already dealt and successfully overcome the circumstances you find yourself in. You must therefore seek out mentors, life coaches or experts to help you find the answers you need to move you forward towards your goals and objectives.

Breathe, Take Control & Take Action

When obstacles overwhelm us, our first automatic response is to freeze. This paralysis may seem unhelpful at first, however it gives us time to ponder and think strategically about the circumstances we find ourselves in. Take these moments to breathe deeply and ask yourself the following questions:

What is it that I control?

What is it that I don’t control?

How can I gain control over these circumstances?

If I cannot gain control, than how can I influence these circumstances?

If I cannot influence them, than maybe I am not seeing things clearly. Where must I look for more information?

By asking and taking action on these questions you will gain some sense of control over your circumstances and can slowly start building momentum moving forward towards the attainment of your goals.

Adjust Your Priorities

At times we are unable to overcome certain obstacles in our lives because our priorities are simply out of order. This is especially relevant when you consider that spending a little more time concentrating on developing a certain skill or gaining knowledge in a specific area of your life can have a significant impact on your ability to overcome difficult circumstances.

Assess Your Obstacles

You will rarely be able to overcome an obstacle unless you are able to figure out how it originated and weaseled its way into your life You must therefore ask yourself:

What went wrong?

What could have caused this?

What must I do now?

List Possible Options

Sometimes obstacles have a tendency to lock us up mentally in a confined space, thusly limiting our thinking and perspective of the situation. In such circumstances we must realize that solutions can only be found when we open our minds to possibilities and options that we hadn’t considered before. To do this, simply sit down with a pen and paper and ask yourself over and over again:

How can I overcome this obstacle?

What options haven’t I considered?

The more options you have, the more opportunity you have to find a suitable answer to the problem you are facing.

Ask Effective Questions

The above two examples hopefully help unlock the power of questions and how asking effective questions can help you gather new and different perspectives about your life and circumstances. Also spend time overviewing the obstacle analysis questions that are listed on the 2nd branch of this IQ Matrix Map. Together they provide a powerful example of how questions can be utilized to help shift your perspective [see: strategic questions].

Experiment in New Directions

Asking effective questions will help you gain new insights into the obstacles that are standing in your way. Use this gathered information to try new things and move in new directions that you never considered before. It is after all the path less traveled that will make all the difference in the end

Accept & Acknowledge Circumstances

When confronted with an obstacle, the worst thing we can do is to deny that the problem exists. When we deny that something exists we close ourselves off to solutions, answers and opportunities that are waiting for us to discover. We must therefore accept and acknowledge the circumstances for what they are from an optimistic, solution orientated yet very realistic perspective.

Think Critically & Creatively

Creativity and Critical Thinking was built upon the foundations of the obstacles and problems that people have dealt with throughout the course of human history [see: creative thinking]. In fact, without obstacles and problems there would be no need for creativity and critical thought [see: critical thinking]. You must therefore utilize these two tools to help you unlock the solutions and answers you need that will help you overcome the obstacles in your life.

Take Small Steps

By taking small steps you ensure that you always remain in control and do not get overwhelmed by circumstances. To do this, simply break down what you need to do to overcome this obstacle into small manageable chunks, then progressively work on one or more chunks per day until you successfully reach your outcome.

Make Necessary Sacrifices

At times we find it difficult to overcome certain obstacles because we are simply unwilling to make the necessary sacrifices to make the changes in our life that would help us to successfully overcome the problems we are confronting. Sometimes it’s not what you do, but rather what you let go of that will have the greatest impact on your life.

Learn from Mistakes

Progress is built upon a myriad of mistakes that we make on a daily basis. Some are big, some are small, but one thing is certain, they are all significant in helping us learn the lessons we need to learn, to help us achieve our goals and objectives [see: lifelong learning].

Take time to learn from every unsuccessful attempt, from every failed result, and from every unsatisfactory outcome. The more you learn, the more you will grow and the better you will be able to deal with the obstacles that lie ahead on your path towards your objectives.

Keep Things Simple

When dealing with obstacles, simplicity is the key. The more we try and complicate things, the more likely we are to become overwhelmed with circumstances. You must therefore keep things as simple and straightforward as possible, because the toughest of problems are often solved in simple ways.

Cultivate Self Belief & Confidence

You are unlikely to overcome an obstacle if you don’t believe that you are capable of overcoming it. Your doubts will only paralyze you and focus you on problems and not the solutions you need to get the outcomes you want. You must therefore develop the necessary confidence and self-belief that will help you to think far more effectively about the obstacles and problems in your life [see: belief transformation].

Cultivate Calmness

Calmness provides you with clarity of mind, which enables you to ask better questions, think more creatively, critically and effectively about your problems.

When your mind and body is calm, you naturally tap into a reservoir of internal resources that you normally wouldn’t have access to if you were to react emotionally to circumstances.

Cultivate an Active Mindset

An Active Mindset helps you to proactively deal with circumstances. It’s a mindset that asks effective questions, that always looks for new answers, opportunities and solutions, it’s flexible, adaptable and constantly learns from past mistakes, while moving forward towards the attainment of its goals and objectives.

Cultivate these Indispensable Qualities

Those who successfully overcome the obstacles in their lives, consistently cultivate the following qualities:

Discipline
Commitment
Foresight
Resilience [see: resilient willpower]
Enthusiasm
Gratitude
Optimism [see: positive mental attitude]
Curiosity
Patience

I will break down each of these qualities — as well as other qualities — within future IQ Matrix Maps.

Don’t Dwell on the Negatives

When you dwell on what you Don’t Want, you will get more of that in your life, because we attract what we focus on. Therefore if you focus on worst case scenarios that will rip your life apart, than you’re not focusing on solutions, and if you’re not focusing on solutions than you are unlikely to find the answers you need to help you overcome your problems.

Don’t Throw Blame on Self or Others

It’s paramount that you do not blame yourself or others for the circumstances. Yes, you can acknowledge that someone was at fault, however it’s often not the “person” but rather the systems and processes in place that lead to this outcome. Fix these, do not lay blame, and the obstacles you are facing will be fade away.

Don’t Look for Sympathy

When we look for sympathy from others, we come from a point of weakness and an inability to control our fate and destiny. We must instead look to come from a place of personal empowerment, where we take full responsibility for our life and circumstances. This of course does not mean that we shouldn’t ask for help or assistance. What it does mean is that we should focus on always exploring options that will move us forward towards the attainment of our goals and objectives.

Don’t Quit

Finally, no matter what, do not quit, because the greatest opportunities are always interlocked with the most difficult struggles of your life.

Final Thoughts

Frank A. Clark knew all about the value of obstacles when he said:

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.

Obstacles are just “things” that are there to teach and strengthen us for the journey that lies ahead. We must therefore not view them as insurmountable problems that will prevent us from achieving our goals, but rather as small — and at times large — stepping stones that are required “modules” we need to pass in order to obtain our Ph.D. in Goal Achievement. And finally, it’s important to remind ourselves of the indispensable lesson that many former Lottery winners have found out the hard way, that there is only one thing worse than being poor, and that is “being rich and then being poor once again”

Take time to learn the lessons that life throws your way, because these lessons will be critical to your success as you move forward into the future.

Creating Your Life Resource List

Adam Sicinski — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 08:30:09 +0000

Introduction

A Resource List is an indispensable tool I utilize in my professional life as a Life Coach and in my personal life to achieve my own Goals and Objectives. In fact, it’s a tool that is absolutely CRITICAL to the achievement of success in any field of endeavor.

Resource Lists are very much like the food we eat on a daily basis that helps nourish our bodies. We eat this food because it provides us with the energy we need to do what we do throughout the day. Likewise, our Resource Lists provide us with the nourishment we need to overcome Obstacles and achieve our Goals and Objectives [see: SMART goals].

Developing your own Resource List could very well be the start of a remarkable journey of transformation. Furthermore, it could determine whether or not you achieve your Goals or overcome those niggling Obstacles that are standing in your way.

What are Resource Lists Exactly?

Resource Lists provide you with helpful strategies, ideas, answers and solutions that will help you achieve your Goals and Objectives.

Resource Lists give you a set of tools you can utilize that support the tasks and projects you are wanting to achieve. They also supply you with everything you need to help you overcome obstacles, challenges and problems as they arise [see: problem solving].

Resources can be classified as being external (outside of you), or internal (inside of you). External Resources may include books, blogs, journals, software programs, gadgets, support from others, etc. While Internal Resources can include things such as the knowledge, qualities, habits, skills, emotional techniques you have learned, etc.

Finally, it’s important to classify resources as being Acquired and Required. Acquired Resources are the Resources that you currently have at your disposal to help you achieve your Goals or overcome the Obstacles that are preventing you from achieving your Goals. Your Required Resources on the other hand are Resources you have identified that you need in order to accomplish your Goals, but you haven’t as yet Acquired them.

The key here is to identify your current set of Resources, and then pinpoint the Resources you still need — developing a plan of action on how to acquire them.

Achieving Your Goals

Venturing out to achieve a new Goal can be a rather daunting experience, especially when we are unfamiliar with the territory or haven’t accomplished anything similar in the past. This is in essence the first hurdle that we must overcome. And in fact, this is the hurdle that stops many people in their tracks — dreams never become Goals, and Goals never become reality.

If I don’t know what to do, where to begin or how to achieve this Goal, than how in the world am I going to get it started in the first place? This is where Resource Lists come into play.

Over several years now I have kept a Resource List of things that could potentially assist me to achieve my Goals. Any new skills that I have developed, new information I have acquired, techniques I have learned or productivity tools I have gained access to, I simply add all these to my Resource List, which keeps growing over time.

Now comes the time to launch a new venture and achieve a new Goal that I am rather unfamiliar with. In such situations, I simply begin by overviewing my current list of Resources and ask myself:

What Resources on this list could help me achieve this Goal?

This provides me with clarification and confidence that I already have a few tools that I can immediately make use of that will help me get started on this new venture.

Once I have identified the Resources that I already have in my arsenal, I then ask the following question:

What Resources will I possibly need to help me achieve this Goal?

How will I go about acquiring these Resources?

Once I have listed the Resources I need to achieve my Goal, and have developed a Plan of Action [see: plan of action] on how to acquire them, than I am ready to begin moving forward with greater confidence and assurance that this Goal can actually be achieved.

I outline this process in a little more detail a little further down this post.

Overcoming Obstacles

Every Goal that I am wanting to achieve has a set of Obstacles or Roadblocks that are typically attached to it. I must therefore effectively overcome these Roadblocks in order to achieve the Goal I want in my life. To do this I must first identify what Obstacles could potentially prevent me from achieving my Goal [see: murphy's law].

Once possible Obstacles have been identified I will typically ask myself the following set of questions:

What Resources do I currently have on hand to help me overcome this Obstacle?

Are these Resources adequate, or will I need additional Resources to overcome this Obstacle?

What additional Resources must I acquire?

How will I acquire these Resources?

These questions help clarify what it is that I need to do in order to overcome the Obstacles that may prevent me from achieving my Goals and Objectives.

With this information, I am now more confident and capable of handling the Obstacles standing in my way. On the other hand, if I didn’t have this information, than I may simply not know what to do when confronted with setbacks.

Types of Resources

There are a plethora of different kinds of Resources that you can utilize to help you achieve your Goals and overcome Obstacles in your life.

Here is a list of Resource Categories that I use to help me keep track of my Resources:

Mindset

Here I list Resources that are connected to my State of Mind. These include:

Personal Qualities

These are personal qualities and strong attributes of my character that can assist me to achieve my Goals [see: qualities of success]

What indispensable qualities do I have?

How do these qualities assist me?

Language

This includes Affirmations, Quotes, Power Words and Questions that I can utilize for different purposes [see: asking effective questions].

What affirmations inspire me?

What quotes can help guide me?

What Power Words move me forward?

What questions empower me?

State Anchors

These are Emotional Anchors that I have created.

What empowering anchors have I created?

Beliefs

These can include Beliefs about Self, Others and Life [see: beliefs].

What empowering beliefs do I have?

Time

This is the time that you have available to work on your Goals. This is important because the one thing we can’t get back is Time. Therefore Time is one of the most important and indispensable Resources we have available to us [see: time management].

What time do I have available to me?

When specifically is this time available?

How can I best use this time to achieve my goals?

Support

This is the support you can acquire from others to help you achieve your Goals and overcome Obstacles.

This support can be acquired from:

Friends
Family
Work Colleagues
Partner
Online Communities & Forums
Clubs
Associations
Organizations

Where can I gain the support I need to achieve my goals?

Who can provide me with the support I need?

How exactly can others support me in my ventures?

Habits

It is important to list specific Habits that you cultivate on a daily basis that can be used to help you achieve your Goals [see: habit transformation].

What personal habits do I cultivate that will help me achieve my goals?

Skills

Every Goal can be achieved and Obstacle can be overcome with a certain set of Skills that you have at your disposal.

Skills could include:

Time Management Skills
Negotiation Skills [see: negotiation]
Networking Skills [see: networking]
Persuasion Skills [see: persuasion]
Writing Skills
Programming Skills
Marketing Skills
Communication Skills [see: a person of influence]
etc..

What skills do I have that can help me achieve my goals?

Physical Possessions

These are any Physical Possessions that you have on hand that can help you achieve your Goals.

The possessions you list here will represent different things to different people. For some people it might be Money, while for others it could be something completely different. The key is to identify what you currently have on hand that can assist you.

What possessions do I have that could be useful to help me achieve my Goals?

Information

Being able to find the relevant information you need to achieve your goals is absolutely critical to your success. You can gather this information from books, blogs, journals, newspapers, podcasts, magazines, etc. Look to these sources to help you find the information you need.

Where can I access the relevant information I need to achieve my goals?

How specifically can this information help me achieve my goals?

Knowledge

Knowledge is something that you OWN, something that is stored within your memory, and something that you can bring forth at any time.

Look for Knowledge that you already have that is immediately applicable and practical to help you achieve your Goals.

What knowledge do I have that is most valuable to help me achieve my goals?

Physiology

How you use your body at any given time has a dramatic impact on your emotions, which likewise influences how effectively you are able to think and what you are able to do at any given moment in time. This is why it’s important to maximize how you use your body in order to get the most out of your abilities in any given situation.

Pay attention to your movement. If you are moving like a slug, than you will also feel like a slug

Move with conviction, passion and a sense of purpose. Breathe deeply, walk with poise and confidence.

How can I use my body to enhance my levels of confidence?

Technology

Technology can be used effectively to boost your creativity, productivity and even to help you overcome problems.

These days there are a plethora of online applications and websites that can help you get organized, manage your time and systematize your entire life. There are also desktop mind mapping applications, office tools, and then there are gadgets, iPhones, computers, iPads, etc.

What technology and tools make me more productive?

Which of these can help me best achieve my goals?

Techniques

I have learned over many years numerous Neural Linguistic Programming and Life Coaching techniques, strategies and principles that I utilize to help me get what I want out of life. These techniques are indispensable and are an important part of my Resource List.

What psychological techniques and strategies do I know that can help me achieve my goals?

Which of these techniques can help me overcome the Obstacles that are preventing me from achieving my goals?

Evaluating Personal Strengths

To help you begin creating your Resource List, it’s a good idea to start by identifying your Personal Strengths [see: strengths and weaknesses].

Ask yourself:

What do I consider to be my strengths?

What do I excel at?

What things am I good at?

What do I enjoy doing?

What do I do better than most people I know?

How can all these things help me achieve my goals?

Creating Your Resource List

Once you have identified your strengths, it’s now time to begin creating your Resource List. To do this you must follow the ILPA formula (Identify, List, Pinpoint and Ask):

Identify Your Goals

Your first objective is to identify the Goals you are wanting to achieve. These Goals will then become the primary focus that will help you to develop your Resource List [see: growing your goals].

List Potential Obstacles

Having clarified your Goals, you must now take into consideration two important key factors.

The 1st factor includes all the Obstacles (problems, concerns, setbacks, roadblocks) that you may encounter as you move towards the achievement of your Goals. Clarifying these will help you identify the potential Resources you may need to acquire to overcome these Obstacles.

The 2nd factor includes all the Tasks and Projects you will need to complete in order to overcome these Obstacles and attain your Goals. Identifying these will help you to get a better understanding of the work required to help you achieve your Goals.

Pinpoint Acquired + Required Resources

With your renewed clarity, now comes time to pinpoint all the Acquired Resources you current have at your disposal. Simply go down the list discussed above and insert all your Resources into their relevant categories.

Secondly, list all the Required Resources you will need in order to overcome the potential Obstacles that could prevent you from achieving your Goals.

Ask Effective Questions

Having completed all the above steps, ask yourself the following set of questions:

How can I best utilize the Resources I have to help me achieve my Goals?

How can I best utilize the Resources I have to help me overcome potential Obstacles?

Where can I acquire the Resources I need?

How will I go about acquiring these Resources?

How can my current Resources help me acquire more Resources?

How can I best utilize these Acquired Resources to overcome potential Obstacles?

How can I best utilize these Acquired Resources to achieve my Goals?

Growing Your Resource List

Your Resource List should grow over the years as you mature and progress through life. Every experience you have, skill you master, and practical knowledge you acquire you should add to your Resource List, because the BIGGER your list grows, the more confidence you will have and the more Resourceful you will become in the face of adversity [see: never give up].

The only challenge you may face along this journey is a method of collating this information in a structured and organized manner.

There are two methods of building your Resource List that have worked for me.

The 1st method is the Old School method. This involves purchasing a Ring Bound Folder with dividers that allow you to insert random pages between the dividers. Each divider can be labelled with a Resource Category, and you can add Resources and pages to the folder as you piece your Resource List together.

The 2nd method involves using a Mind Mapping Software application such as NovaMind to help you organize all your Resources in an easy to reference program [see: mind mapping]. This is the method that I currently use, and the method that I would highly recommend. Simply, begin by creating your main Mind Map branches listing all the Resource Categories presented earlier in the post. Then insert sub-categories listing down all the Resources you have at your disposal.

Finally, it’s important to distinguish between your Acquired Resources and your Required Resources. These can be color coded on the same Mind Map, or a separate Mind Map can be created for both.

I will provide more in-depth analysis about Resource Lists and provide actual examples at the MasterMind Matrix Blog, when it officially launches a little later this year.

Final Thoughts

Someone once told me that the BIGGER your Resource List the greater your chances of achieving your Goals.

The importance of this statement cannot be understated because when you are struggling to achieve your Goals, it simply boils down to how you utilize the Resources you have at your disposal.

To put it another way, Resource Lists are like the lottery. The more entries you have the greater your chances of success, however unless you cash your winning ticket in, you will never reap the benefits. You must therefore make the most of the Resources you have at your disposal.

So the next time you are confronted with a large and seemingly insurmountable Goal, simply turn to your Resource List for a solution, it may very well have the answers you are searching for.

Life Coaching Mistakes

Adam Sicinski — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:19:11 +0000

Introduction

Working as a Life Coach for several years I have learned from personal experience and observed the many mistakes that are made within my industry. These mistakes often destroy the Coaching dynamics between the Life Coach and Client and they can literally push people away from Coaching all together. Many of these mistakes are rather obvious and can be avoided rather easily, while others are very subtle in nature, however their impact on the process of Life Coaching cannot be underestimated.

This blog post and accompanying Mind Map delves into each of these Life Coaching mistakes and outlines the impact they have on the Client and the Coaching Session. Moreover, the article attempts to outline solutions that can hopefully guide Life Coaches through their Coaching Sessions far more effectively. In addition, this Mind Map can also be used as an effective Reference Tool to help us improve the quality of our communication with other people.

Personal Perceptions

This Branch of the IQ Matrix outlines the mistakes that Life Coaches make pertaining to their Personal Perceptions of the Client’s circumstances.

Diagnosing Psychological Conditions

This should be left to Psychologists and Psychiatrists who have been thoroughly trained in this area.

Making Quick Assumptions

Making assumptions about the Circumstances of a Client’s life without fully understanding the BIG picture is a critical Coaching mistake. Additionally, making Assumptions about a Client’s Beliefs, Feelings, Perspectives, Values, Weaknesses, Strengths, and their Thought Process can affect the progress of a Coaching Session. A Life Coach needs to have a comprehensive understanding of a Client’s behavior before any concrete conclusions about a Client’s psychological tendencies can be reached.

Thinking Narrowly

By not taking into consideration wider circumstances and Causes that are affecting a Client’s current reality may significantly lead the Client astray.

Misunderstanding a Client

This includes misunderstanding a Client’s Needs, Wants and Abilities as a result of assumptions that have been made.

Personal Communication

This Branch of the IQ Matrix outlines the mistakes that Life Coaches make pertaining to their Communication style and preferences.

Not Listening Intently

Not listening intently to the Client’s words and to the underlying feelings and intentions behind the words they speak can lead to miscommunication and ultimately lead the Client down the wrong path.

Not leading by Example

A Life Coach effectively becomes a Role Model for their Clients. Their personal actions must therefore be congruent and consistent with their advice, otherwise conflicts may arise.

Not sharing Thoughts, Inklings & Personal Experiences

The best way for a Client to learn is to gather information from an alternate perspective – from someone else’s experiences and mistakes. A Life Coach must therefore be willing to share their thoughts and inklings at all times in order to help steer their Client in the right direction.

Not Paraphrasing Personal Understanding

If a Life Coach isn’t paraphrasing their Client’s words back to the Client, than they probably haven’t fully grasped a clear understanding of their Client’s perspectives. Moreover, paraphrasing enables the Client to correct misunderstandings or any assumptions that the Life Coach may be making.

Not Asking Effective Questions

If a Life Coach isn’t asking Insightful, Open-Ended and Reflective Questions, than their questions are simply not going to assist their Client in making the changes they desire to realize in their life. The more insightful the Question, the more Thought is required, and the more likely the Client will be able to find a suitable answer.

Not Modeling the Client

In order to create deep levels of rapport a Life Coach must always be modeling a Client’s Body Movement, Language, Facial Expressions, Vocal Tendencies, Words and Communication Style. This must of course be done in a very subtle and non-obtrusive manner.

Judging or Criticizing Client

A Life Coach must at all times remain neutral on all issues, and should effectively utilize the Power of asking Effective Questions to glide over sensitive topics. If they are unable to do this with a particular Client, than they should stop Coaching that Client immediately.

Avoiding Touchy Subjects

Usually Clients will want to avoid sensitive subjects because they may be embarrassed or ashamed of their behaviors and actions. However, a Life Coach must tackle these issues, fully understanding that the answers to deep rooted psychological issues lie within these sensitive areas of a Client’s life.

Correcting a Client’s Language

A Life Coach isn’t an English Teacher, and should therefore not correct a Client’s Language. Instead they should focus on helping their Client overcome obstacles that are preventing them from achieving the life they seek to live.

Assuming Your Truths Equal Client’s Truths

A Life Coach should never make the mistake of assuming that their Client’s View of the World is similar to theirs. Each individual’s truths are made up of their own interpretations of the reality and should therefore be viewed from the Client’s own unique perspectives.

Telling Client They Are Wrong

Everything is only a perspective, and perspectives change as a result of new insights and understandings. Instead of telling a Client that they are wrong, a Life Coach must ask Effective Questions to help their Client see their circumstances from a new perspective that they may never have considered before.

Giving Unqualified Advice

Unless a Life Coach is also qualified in other professional fields, they should avoid at all costs giving their Clients Financial or Legal advice.

Using Jargon

Jargon belongs on the playground and not in a Professional Environment where someone else is paying for your time. Jargon can also be easily misunderstood, which can lead to unfortunate consequences.

Using Email for Touchy Subjects

Sensitive issues must be discussed and not handled over an email client. This reduces the risk of misunderstandings.

Going Overboard

A Life Coach that is too Noisy, Blunt, Friendly, Quiet, Passive or Professional is not thinking about their Client’s Needs, but rather their own. Uniquely adapting your approach to each Client is critical towards being a successful Life Coach.

Being Overly Linear, Optimistic & Directive

A Life Coach guides their Client down the right path in a Realistic and Creative manner. Anything that moves away from this strategy is not considered Life Coaching.

Personal Approach

This Branch of the IQ Matrix outlines the mistakes that Life Coaches make pertaining to their general Coaching Approach.

Talking About Self

A Client is paying you for your time and guidance. They don’t want to hear your Life Story unless it directly relates to their circumstances. And even then a Life Coach must be brief and to the point.

Getting Sidetracked

It’s easy to get sidetracked during a typical conversation. However, when it comes to Life Coaching this is inexcusable. Focus on the task at hand, because your Client’s livelihood is at stake.

Breaking Confidentiality

Anything that is discussed between a Life Coach and their Client is confidential. A Life Coach must therefore not discuss the Client’s circumstances with anybody else – this includes their partner.

Investing Emotions into Client

In order for a Life Coach to remain neutral, they must never invest their emotions into a Client’s life or circumstances. These emotions will create a fog that will distract them from the real issues at hand.

Working from Personal Belief Systems

Each Client has a unique set of Beliefs about their life and circumstances. These beliefs are likely very different to your own, and therefore a Life Coach must not assume that what they believe is what their Client also believes.

Coaching Uncoachable Clients

Some Clients are simply not yet ready for Coaching often due to their current state of mind. A Life Coach must spot these types of Clients and refrain from Coaching them. If they ignore this advice they may suffer a backlash from their Client who becomes unhappy with the progress they are making.

Coaching All Client’s Same Way

It’s okay for a Life Coach to have a set of guidelines and a process that they undertake while coaching Clients. However, this process must be flexible in order to accommodate for each Client’s unique Perspectives and Needs.

Taking Responsibility for Client’s Successes & Failures

Life Coaching is all about empowering people, and helping them to take full responsibility for their lives and circumstances. It is therefore irresponsible for a Life Coach to accept praise for a Client’s Successes or to point the finger at themselves for their Client’s Failures. A Client must become accountable and take full responsibility for everything, otherwise they will simply fail to gain from their coaching experience.

Taking on Another Role

During conversation it is easy to take on other Roles in order to meet the needs of the interaction. However, a Life Coach must be careful not to take on another Role such as that of a Parent, Friend or Therapist. Each of these Roles may seem suitable in that moment, however the long-term effects of these Roles on the Client’s continued growth and development could be riddled with unwelcome consequences.

Not Being Receptive or Patient

A Life Coach must understand that each Client has their own Psychological Speedometer. Some will move quicker, while others will take time to adapt to the changing circumstances of their life that the process of Life Coaching is bringing about. As a result the Life Coach must be Patient and Receptive to their Client’s Needs at all times.

Not Laying Ground Rules

If there are no Ground Rules, than a Life Coach will struggle to maintain control, and the Client will suffer the consequences of not having a “Working Compass” to steer them in the right direction. Ground Rules also help prevent time being wasted on unnecessary activities.

Not Initiating Topics for Discussion

The purpose of Life Coaching is to direct the conversation and to guide the Client down the right path. This involves initiating topics for discussion, and not waiting for the Client to take the reigns. Like a Sports Coach, a Life Coach observes from afar and brings to attention their understanding of what is going on out in the field of play.

Appearing Affected By Client’s Criticisms

Everyone is human, and things may not always go as planned, and as a result the Client may not always be happy with their progress or with the direction of their Coaching. A Life Coach must understand this, and must stay calm and collected when a Client is critical of their approach. Only in this way can an effective solution be found.

Frustrated with Client’s Progress & Attitude

A Life Coach must never appear to be frustrated with a Client’s Progress or Attitude. They must instead look for solutions that may resolve these roadblocks. Whether these solutions are found within themselves or within their Client’s perspectives, it does not matter. All that matters is that Frustration does not direct the focus on the Coaching Sessions. However, if it does get to that stage, than the Life Coach must make a decision of whether or not to continue coaching this Client.

Assigning Client Tasks

This Branch of the IQ Matrix outlines the mistakes that Life Coaches make pertaining to the tasks that are assigned to their Clients during a typical Coaching Session.

Over Complicating Tasks

Keep Things Simple Stupid! All tasks should be simple, yet substantially challenging in order to motivate a Client to complete them successfully.

Protecting the Client

It’s understandable to want to protect your Client from Failure, Rejection, Disappointment, and from Making Mistakes, however it is also counterproductive to Coaching. We only really learn when we fail, when we make mistakes, when we are rejected over and over again. And we only succeed when we have failed time and time again. Help your Client understand that failure, rejection, disappointment and mistakes are built upon perspectives and not facts. As such we learn from these experiences and better ourselves for the future.

Promising Results

Nothing is ever certain due to the unpredictable nature of human beings and circumstances. As such, a Life Coach must never promise results. Instead they can provide their Client with possible outcomes, none of which is certain to eventuate. Moreover they must explain to their Client that every outcome is dependent upon them and their commitment to make the changes they want to realize in their lives.

Pushing a Client too Hard or too Quickly

Every Client needs someone to push them beyond their Comfort Zone. However, too far beyond their Comfort Zone and Psychological Paralysis strikes and nothing is achieved. A Life Coach must therefore come to familiarize themselves with each and everyone of their Client’s “speed of change”, and adapt accordingly.

Not Learning from Client

Every Client has something to teach their Life Coach about their Coaching Approach. A good Life Coach understands this and effectively learns from every Coaching experience.

Not Instructing Thoroughly & Clearly

Clear and thorough instructions are absolutely critical to effective Life Coaching. If a Client is even slightly confused, than this automatically raises a Red Flag and could lead to unpredictable consequences that may push a Client away from Coaching or lead them down an undesirable path.

Forcing a Client to Change

Change happens naturally when all psychological, behavioral, physical, social and environmental issues have been accounted for and successfully managed through the process of Life Coaching. A Life Coach must realize this and clearly understand that if a Client is struggling with “Change” that there must be hidden underlying issues that have not as yet been accounted for. Identify and manage them successfully, and Change will begin to happen naturally.

Accepting Client’s Unrealistic Dreams & Goals

As impossible as this may seem, many Clients do not think realistically about their Dreams and Goals . The purpose of Life Coaching in such instances is to ground this person in reality, while expanding their horizons and breaking down their objectives into minuscule manageable chunks and smaller objectives. The purpose here is not to dishearten the Client, but to focus their attention on smaller fragments of their goals one step at a time.

Avoiding Client Money Problems

Whether we accept this or not, Money is usually at the core of most problems that Clients face. Deal with these issues, and it usually opens the doors to a world of new possibilities. However, it’s not always about “money”, but rather about a Client’s perspective about money that hurts them most. Change this perspective, help them manage their psychology more effectively, and miraculously their money problems seem to disappear.

Expecting too Little or too Much from a Client

It’s difficult, however a Life Coach must subdue their expectations. When they expect too little from a Client, the Client usually accommodates them. When they expect too much from a Client, than the Client can easily become overwhelmed. Instead a Life Coach must focus on the Client’s Needs and effectively guide them down the path of least resistance and greatest fulfillment.

Final Thoughts

As with every profession, Life Coaching brings with it a delicate balance of techniques, strategies and tools that when used correctly can bring about positive change within people. However, when misused or rather abused, these tools can impact a Client’s livelihood in very unpredictable ways.

As Life Coaches we have a responsibility to protect our Client’s best interests at all times. And as a result we must be very vigilant of our every word, behavior and action in order to ensure that it is consistent with the intent of meeting our Client’s Needs now and in the future.

A great resource for those wanting to get started with Life Coaching is the Coachville website. It is very much a central hub for information about Life Coaching. They also have a intriguing range of handy tools and information for people starting out within the Coaching Industry.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any further queries or questions, or would like to share your experiences about this topic, than please do so in the comments section below. Also please don’t forget to download the free pdf of the IQ Matrix at the IQ Matrix Shop.

Psychology of Personal Success

Adam Sicinski — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 11:43:21 +0000

| In-Depth Analysis | Download | FAQ |

The MasterMind Matrix Chart is a Personal Self-Coaching tool that will break down the Psychology of Personal Success and Achievement step-by-step, as it applies to your life. Moreover, it will help pinpoint your weaknesses, limitations and self-sabotaging habitual patterns of behavior that are currently preventing you from achieving your life’s goals, dreams and ambitions.

Every IQ Matrix Mind Map presented on the IQ Matrix Blog expands on a single piece of the MasterMind Matrix Chart. Given that the MasterMind Matrix Chart is composed of over 100 major components, and a myriad of smaller segments, you can see how far we still have to go before all the pieces of the puzzle are finally brought together.

This Zone addresses quantum mechanics and how it relates to the thought and energy patterns that we bring forth into our daily lives.

The Big Picture

Over time science has brought to light the notion that everything within this world is made up of the same form of energy. At a quantum level of understanding, this energy has no separation. In fact, at a quantum level everything is connected intrinsically with everything else within this Universe (this partly supports the existence of intuition). Moreover, this energy is constantly shifting and interacting with itself, thusly leading to varying vibrational frequency levels that influence our thoughts, behaviors and emotions at a deep seated level of awareness. In fact, your personal level of vibration essentially influences what you will tend to attract into your life on a daily basis.

For instance, a high level of vibration will attract other objects of the same vibrational level – just like a magnet attracting metal particles. On the other hand, when you project low levels of vibration, you will likewise attract other physical and emotional objects with the same low level of vibration, which can bring about negative events and circumstances into your life. This is why it is said that “like attracts like” and “you attract what you project into the world”. This is an extensive topic that will be turned into an IQ Matrix in the future. However, for the purpose of this discussion it is important to understand that life isn’t always as it seems. Our vibrational energies do influence what we project into the world, and as a consequence what we attract into our lives.

Final Thoughts

I hope that this post provided you with a good solid introduction to the MasterMind Matrix. Bear in mind that we only caressed the surface of this Chart. More will be revealed over time within each IQ Matrix post. In the meantime, if you have any specific questions about the MasterMind Matrix or would like further information about specific aspects of this process, than please share your thoughts below.

For a further in-depth analysis of this Chart, please take a Personal Journey through the MasterMind Matrix.

Keyhole Effect: Life Coaching Workbook

Adam Sicinski — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 05:32:17 +0000

The Keyhole Effect is a Life Coaching Accelerated Learning workbook and program based on a workshop program. It is specifically written for high school, college and university students with the purpose of assisting them with the development of a mindset that will propel them towards academic success.

The Keyhole Effect is based on the premise that all of us have access to a MasterMind knowledge base within the recesses of our minds. This MasterMind can only be unleashed through specific exercises and techniques that naturally bring out a student’s full learning potential and ability.

The Keyhole Effect workbook naturally and progressively guides students along a journey of self understanding about their mind, thought patterns and behavior. Touching upon key areas that bring great insight and understanding, it is an ideal self-life coaching tool that can potentially bring out the very best in each individual by furthering their academic success in a variety of unique and creative ways. Through the act of unlocking the mental powers of their mind, a student will naturally boost their learning ability, awareness and productivity as they progress through this workbook.

The workbook itself has been incorporated from segments of the MasterMind Matrix (more will be revealed about this process in future posts) which came together after years of practical application, modeling, research and study into the human mind, emotions and behaviours of some of the most successful people in the world. It utilizes foundational strategies of Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP), Neural Associative Conditioning (NAC), Hypnotherapy, Time Line Therapy, Counselling, Emotional Intelligence, Cognitive-Behavioural Psychology, Psychotherapy, Metaphysics, Life Coaching Strategies, Mind Dynamics and the fundamentals of Success, Personal Development, Spiritual Manifestation, Goal Achievement and more.

The Keyhole Effect is one of the most comprehensive workbooks for students of its type and it is the perfect self-life coaching companion for students using the IQ Matrix as a primary learning tool.

What’s Included?

The Keyhole Effect 111 page workbook touches upon the following topic areas:

16 success characteristics of outstanding students.
12 ways your peers influence you academic success.
The power of negative peer influences.
How to overcome peer influence.
How to establish a powerful network of peers.
Keys to finding role models and mentors.
5 ways to boost your confidence levels.
3 beliefs to overcome any challenge.
How to overcome your limiting beliefs.
The secrets to peak learning performance.
4 techniques to get you into your Study Zone.
The Habit Trap, and how to avoid it.
The power your thoughts have on your academic success.
How to ask the right questions to get ahead.
The dangerous questions that will limit your academic success.
8 questions to get you through the academic challenges you may face.
The fundamentals of time management.
Putting your time into perspective.
3 indispensable time saving tools and tips.
Deadly time traps, and how to avoid them.
14 critical time management skills & strategies.
Weekly and monthly time planning strategies.
The 5 levels towards achieving learning mastery.
6 keys to effective learning.
6 steps towards modeling learning greatness.
10 essential ingredients of goal setting.
Discovering your 7 intelligences.
Incorporating whole-brain learning strategies.
18 study secrets to dramatically boost your learning ability.
How to utilize all your senses for learning.
Indispensable note-taking strategies and techniques.
7 strategies to lock away your learning.
18 ways a IQ Matrix can boost your learning ability.
The secrets to long lasting academic success.
How to use motivation to enhance your ability to learn more.
7 secrets towards maximizing your subject score.
Simple action plans… putting everything together.
And more straightforward, understandable and effective strategies.

The Keyhole Effect is available as a pdf download from the IQ Matrix Shop. If you would like to find out more please visit the product page for further information.