Isaac Bashevis Singer
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
How well, do you know the people in your life?
For a moment, let’s take a short journey into the mind of a unique individual. As we step inside this mind we begin to grasp a picture of this person’s likes, dislikes, fears, thoughts, habits, beliefs, attitudes, preferences, rules, values and the like. We finally see them for who they really are, for what they stand for without camouflage or psychological deception, and we wonder… about the clues that their physical body leaves behind that will provide us with a deep unguarded insight into the recesses of their mind.
Within today’s discussion, we will focus on unlocking the psychological ingredients that piece together the human personality. The knowledge and understanding you will gain from this analysis will provide you with a deep insight into people’s thoughts and motives no matter what their verbal language may suggest. This will likewise strengthen your persuasive and influential abilities to convince others to your way of thinking.
First, we will unlock the human psychological recipe presenting you with key signals you must attend to in order to gain a comprehensive insight into a person’s true motives, thoughts, and intentions. Once that’s done and dusted we will explore the four common personality styles that make up human psychological behavior. Simply identify the traits and adapt your approach accordingly in order to influence these people to your way of thinking. In addition to this, we will pinpoint the three communication personality types and unlock the science of deception as it relates to a person’s body language and biological signals. Attending to these subtle signals will help you to identify the deceptive tactics that others use to convince you of their honesty.
Unlocking the Human Psychological Recipe
Within this section, we will unlock the human psychological recipe, which presents you with key signals you must attend to in order to gain a comprehensive insight into a person’s true motives, thoughts, and intentions.
As you are attending to a person’s behavior, it is important to keep in mind several questions. Questions are critical to your development as an effective thinker.
These questions will enable you to gather ever deeper insights into the meaning and the motives behind the subtle signals that each person gives away throughout their day.
Your goal is to rotate these questions continuously through your mind, up until the moment you gather the necessary understanding that will unlock the other person’s psychological recipe and enable you to influence their way of thinking.
What does this mean?
What does it reveal about this person?
How is this of significance?
How must I modify my approach to better influence their behavior?
Your Psychological Perceptive Abilities
The following presents you with a series of categorized signals that you must become aware of while communicating or interacting with another person.
Each signal has a specific and definite meaning that will reveal a world of information about others. Unlocking these signals will enable you to gather the necessary information you need in order to win this person over to your way of thinking.
In the beginning, this can be a rather overwhelming process that requires concentrated effort, questioning and careful observation.
It is very difficult to pick up on everything right from the onset. However, you must keep in mind that this is a journey of discovery that you will progressively learn from and improve upon over time. You should, therefore, begin by paying attention to only a few of these signals and variables. As you grow in proficiency, you can include further additions to this recipe, up until the point you are able to unlock a person’s hidden personality and motives in a matter of minutes.
All the while as you attend to these signals, make sure that you are continuously and persistently isolating each variable and asking the identification questions (mentioned above) that will enable you to unlock each person’s hidden motives, needs and wants.
Attend to a Person’s Physical Signals
The physical signals that we will be discussing here include body language, facial language, and the other person’s spoken language.
Each of these signals will reveal a world of knowledge and understanding about the other person. However keep in mind, that the insights you acquire will all depend on your personal ability and on the concerted effort you make to unlock each person’s psychological recipe.
Our body language reveals a world of insight into our hidden patterns of thinking and emotional self-control. In fact, it is said that our body language is the door to the mind that unlocks the true meaning behind our words and motives. However, it is only when we are able to gather the necessary insights about each subtle sign, that we are truly able to grasp an understanding of the mind of those whom we interact with.
Here are a handful of global body language signals that will enable you to gather deep insights about the other person’s hidden motives, thoughts, and behaviors.
How another person breathes, where they breathe from and the rate, depth, and rhythm of their breath will provide great insight into their hidden thoughts, motives and patterns of behavior.
For instance, quick, short breaths high in the chest can signify nervousness and anxiety. On the other hand, slow rhythmic deep breaths that originate in the diaphragm can signify that the person is relaxed and carefree. However, if these deep breaths are sporadic in nature, then this could signify tension. It is therefore important to read each person’s breathing patterns on a case-by-case basis taking all other signals into account.
Finally, we must keep in mind that breathing patterns are also heavily influenced by the person’s communication style, which we will discuss a little later. For the purpose of this discussion, you must therefore not observe so much their pattern of breathing, but rather the variations in their patterns of breathing from the norm.
Fidgeting can reveal nervousness, uneasiness, discomfort or even boredom. Again you must put the fidgeting actions of the other person into the context of the social situation and into perspective against all the other signals you are attending to. It’s also not so much that the person is fidgeting, but rather how they are fidgeting and where their attention is going that will provide you with an insight into their thoughts and hidden motives.
A person’s posture will tend to reveal their current levels of energy, level of interest and emotional patterns of behavior.
How a person stands, sits or slouches will help you to determine their mental frame of mind and alertness to you, your message, and the social situation you find yourself in.
As a general rule, a person who is slouched over is in a very fragile state-of-mind, and most likely requires a little encouragement and confidence. They may not admit to it, but there is probably something on their mind that is bringing dissatisfaction to their life, and they may very well feel that it is something that is out of their control or beyond their capability.
On the other hand, a person who holds a good upright posture while standing or sitting is often in a positive frame-of-mind and is open to the message you are sharing with them.
How a person moves their body will determine what they are thinking and feeling at any one moment in time.
Watch and observe the movements and patterns of their body while they listen or communicate with you. These subtle signals can reveal a world of information about them and their feelings towards you and your message that their words are simply not verbalizing.
While observing the other person, identify subtle movements that can be arranged into patterns. For instance, the person may say something, then immediately touch their nose, tilt their head to the left and lick their lips. You actually notice that whenever they discuss a specific topic that they always tend to make this unconscious patterned movement.
Now ask yourself the identification questions presented above to unlock the meaning behind this pattern of movement and how this is of significance to them, to you, and the social context you find yourself in.
Position of Arms, Legs, and Torso
A person’s arms, legs, and torso are very expressive aspects of their body language. In fact, how a person moves, positions or gestures with their arms and legs, will provide you with a deep insight into their current emotional state and patterns of thinking. However, don’t just attend to these body language signals without connecting them to the external triggers that influence the other person.
For instance, whenever you talk about a specific topic you notice that the other person crosses their legs and folds their arms. This defensive position should signify to you that the other person does not approve of what you’re saying or simply does not want to discuss this topic.
As you progress through the conversation, you begin discussing other subjects. This naturally brings about a change in the person’s arm and leg position. They uncross their legs and reveal their palms as a show of openness, interest, and approval. Since you have great perceptive abilities, you, therefore, make the instant connection that your topic has sparked an interest and that the other person is now more likely and willing to agree with you. This, in essence, is the only way you will be able to persuade them to your way of thinking. And it’s a key principle you must keep in mind while involved in the process of negotiation.
The torso is another important aspect of body language. In general terms, where the other person’s torso is pointing, is where their attention is going. Therefore, if their torso is pointing away from you while you are conversing with them, then you must take this as a sign of disinterest and a desire to escape this social interaction. Yet, on the other hand, if the other person’s torso is pointing towards you, then you can be certain that you have captured their interest, and they will, therefore, be more susceptible to the influence of your words and actions.
Finally, it is critical to keep in mind that when it comes to body language, nothing is every laid in stone. Everyone will use a variety of alternating patterns of body positioning and movement that is dependent on the social context of the situation, their current state-of-mind and other variables that you must pinpoint throughout your interactions.
The face is probably the most expressive parts of our body. However, in many instances, the expressions will be very subtle, and as result, it can be easy to miss the signals if we are not paying attention.
There are four aspects of facial language that you should be paying attention to. One of these aspects we will not discuss here. It is known as face reading, which basically unlocks the meaning of each geographic feature of a human face and the psychological traits that accompany it.
The other three aspects of facial language include gestures, biological responses, eye movement, and behavior.
Let’s break-down each of these aspects below in a little more detail.
Facial gestures can reveal a world of information about a person’s thoughts, feelings, and motivations.
To become a great facial observer you must attend to the following:
• Lips and the movement of the tongue.
• The different types of smiles and frowns used.
• Eye movement and patterns of blinking.
• Squinting in the eyes.
• Where the person looks as they listen and converse with you.
• Eyebrow movement.
• The tension of facial muscles.
• Wrinkling of the nose and forehead, etc.
Each of these signals will help you to unlock different aspects of the person’s thoughts and feelings. However, you must pay careful attention to the patterns of these movements while at the same time identifying the triggers that stimulate them.
Paleness or Blushing
As you are observing a person’s face, pay careful attention to the changing colors and intensity of their skin-tone.
Certain things you say may in very subtle ways affect the other person at a deep emotional level. In such instances, a person may not express how they are feeling through their body language or facial gestures, however, you will see it as clear as daylight in the changing color of their face.
Barring any medical conditions, as a general rule when a person’s face takes on a lighter color (paleness), this often signifies that they are afraid or shocked by what they just heard or observed. On the other hand, when a person’s face takes on a darker color (blushing), this often signifies embarrassment, disagreement or anger.
Again you must put these into the context of the situation that the person finds themselves in, and interpret accordingly.
Pupil Constriction and Dilation
Identifying pupil variations also requires a good keen sense of awareness.
When the pupils of the eyes are dilated (large) this signifies that the person is relaxed, enjoying your company, open to your ideas, or madly in love with you. 😉 On the other hand, when their pupils are constricted (small) it can signify that they don’t agree with what you are saying, or simply don’t believe or trust you.
You must keep in mind that pupil dilation and constriction is heavily influenced by the lighting of the environment and the general state of mind and health that the person is experiencing at any one moment in time.
Spoken language can reveal more about a person than words alone. In fact, it is not so much from the words themselves that you will derive the person’s hidden agenda or train of thought, but rather from the meaning and the emotional content hidden behind the words they use in conversation with you.
Here are some aspects of the spoken language that you must pay particular attention to if you seek to unlock a person’s psychological recipe:
Pay attention to the specific words that the person uses while conversing with you and others. These words will reveal some of the following aspects of their personality:
• Personal biases about certain and specific topics.
• Levels and degrees of exaggeration.
• Hidden interests and agendas.
• Misunderstandings and assumptions.
• Facts or fictitious opinions and ideas, etc.
Once you are able to pick up on these subtle signals, you will be better prepared to adjust your conversation strategy accordingly to influence the other person’s thinking processes.
Emotional Undertones of Words
A person’s true intentions and motivations lie hidden behind their words, and not within the words themselves. As such, you must pay careful attention to the emotional undertones of the words that the other person uses.
These emotional undertones can be identified through their tone of voice, body language and the facial expressions that the other person uses while communicating with you.
For this very reason, it is important to become aware of the bigger global picture as it relates to a person’s psychological makeup. It is only by reflecting on this bigger picture that you will be better able to unlock the other person’s psychological recipe.
Sometimes it isn’t so much what the other person says that reveals a world of information and insight about them, but rather the keys are hidden in what they don’t say and within the silences between their words.
When asking a person a direct question, pay attention to their answer, while at the same time making a mental note of what they didn’t say or mention.
What does this tell me about this person’s hidden motives and intentions?
When a person pauses between their words, pay very careful attention to their body and facial language. This could very well provide you a world of insight into their patterns of thinking and emotional frame-of-mind.
What is this person doing with their face and body during these silences?
What does this tell me about this person’s hidden motives and intentions?
Physical Signal Variations
So far we have discussed a variety of key physical signals that we must be aware of if we seek to unlock a person’s hidden thoughts, emotions, and motives. Now we come to a realization that each of these signals can vary and are dependent upon some key factors that we must consider before rushing to make a series of assumptions about the person’s psychological recipe.
A person’s physical behavior, gestures, words, and actions may be significantly influenced by their cultural background and traditions. Hence we must interpret all their signals in accordance with the traditions and behaviors associated with their cultural heritage. To do this, you must learn about their cultural standards and norms, and adjust your interpretations accordingly.
A person’s physical behavior, gestures, words, and actions may be significantly influenced by the social setting they find themselves in.
Most of us are very self-conscious about what we do and how we behave under certain social conditions. For instance, there are a variety physical signals and gestures that you would use at a party that would be considered completely inappropriate at a funeral.
We are very much like chameleons who change color (behavior) dependent on the social setting we find ourselves in. This is why it is important to read into a person’s thoughts, emotions, and motives in accordance with the social setting and the unspoken behaviors that are common practice in such instances.
A person’s behavior, gestures, words, and actions may be significantly influenced by the environment they find themselves in.
In some instances, a specific kind of environment will tend to relax a person, while in other instances it may cause stress and anxiety. For this reason, it is very important for us to interpret their thoughts, emotions, and motives in accordance with their surroundings.
A person’s behavior, gestures, words, and actions may be significantly influenced by their demographics. Demographics may include:
• Marital Status
• Employment Status
Each of these variables will certainly influence how a person’s physical signals manifest in the real world. Hence you must interpret all these signals accordingly and in consideration of the demographic variables presented above.
A person’s behavior, gestures, words, and actions may be significantly influenced by their physical health and ability.
A great many people’s thoughts, emotions, and motives have been misinterpreted because of ill-health. Under these conditions, people may significantly alter the movement of their body, their facial gestures, words and the like. Hence it is important to remain observant at all times and not jump to conclusions before determining that the other person is of sound mind and not affected by any physical ailments that may influence their behavior.
Attend to Person’s External Appearance
A person’s external appearance can provide you with a world of information and insight about their thoughts, emotions and habitual patterns of behavior.
For instance, a person with sound grooming habits who wears a pleasant cologne or perfume, and dresses well will naturally project a different set of qualities, personality traits and habits of behavior than a person who looks scruffy smells of body odor and dresses in rags.
Above all else, it is important not to judge a book by its cover. However, in such instances, we must take this information and put it into context with all the other variables and signals we have been collecting about this person. Only in this way can we effectively piece together the puzzle that will unlock their personality equation.
Attend to Person’s Personality Building Blocks
The building blocks of personality are discussed in great length within the MasterMind Matrix chart.
Some of these building blocks manifest themselves on a conscious level of awareness, while others such as beliefs and values manifest at an unconscious level.
The discussion that follows isn’t going to delve into too much detail about these aspects of personality, as the MasterMind Matrix already covers this information. However, we will touch upon four key variables that you must attend to that will reveal a world of information about other people.
A person’s beliefs will determine what actions they regularly take and what decisions they will consistently make. Moreover, these beliefs will also determine what this person will never do or partake in — given that these activities go against the grain of their common belief patterns.
A significant aspect of the beliefs process is unlocked within the context of religion. All religions have a set of rules, standards, or commandments that they naturally expect their followers to abide by. Breaking these rules will inevitably lead to moral consequences leading to undesirable circumstances.
Your first objective is to identify if the person you are interacting with has a set of religious beliefs. If they do, then your next step is to determine the level and conviction of their beliefs. Once you have this information you will be better able to predict their behavior, thoughts and emotional patterns, which will thusly enable you to influence them accordingly.
Religion is however only a very small aspect of the belief process. We have many more beliefs pertaining to life, love, self-expression, work, and play, etc. All of these beliefs determine the decisions we will make and the actions we will take on a daily basis. The more thorough you are at identifying a person’s beliefs, then the more insight you will gain into their personality and you will thusly be better able to predict their future behavior.
To unlock a person’s belief patterns simply ask effective open-ended questions about their opinions and thoughts in respect to certain and specific situations (like a life coach). After which, you must listen to the words they speak and the accompanying physical expressions they make. All of these signals will provide you with a clear insight into the person’s belief systems.
Values like beliefs will help you unlock a person’s decision-making process and assist you in predicting their future behavior and patterns of thought and emotion.
All of us have an unconscious ranking system that we assign to our emotional experiences. The specific event will make us feel certain emotions that lead to either pain or pleasure. We then interpret these events and give them a ranking from most pleasurable to least pleasurable. Hence we may associate the highest feelings of pleasure in the following order:
1. Hard Work (most pleasurable)
5. Security (least pleasurable)
In accordance with this list, this person values hard work above all else. Hence they are very likely to sacrifice their health and relationships (love) in order to spend more time at work. This will likewise provide you with a clear insight into this person’s decision-making process and will thusly enable you to better influence their behavior in accordance with their hierarchy of values.
A person’s attitude is the manifestation of their personality as it clashes with the unpredictable circumstances of their external environment.
Pay careful attention to how a person reacts to specific events and circumstances within their environment. This will reveal their attitude and a plethora of other mysteries that lie hidden in the recesses of their mind.
Strengths and Weaknesses
We all have a set of perceived and actual strengths and weaknesses. The first we recognize via our own personal biased perspectives, while the second lies in a field of ignorance.
It is important when you are interacting with another person, that you determine and make a distinction between both the perceived and the actual. This distinction will help you to unlock a variety of personality characteristics that you can use to influence the other person to your way of thinking.
A person’s strengths and weaknesses are revealed through their words, body language, gestures, and actions. The key is to remain vigilant, and once identified, to determine how you will use this information to your advantage.
Attend to Person’s Life
How a person lives their life, their interests and hobbies, the roles that they play, and their goals and objectives can reveal a world of mystery and intrigue and will go a long way towards unlocking their psychological recipe.
Personal and Professional Roles
Everyone plays certain and specific roles throughout life. We play roles as:
• Business Professionals
• Role Models
• Friends, etc
Each of these roles is accompanied by a set of decisions, actions, beliefs, emotions, and a whole plethora of psychological characteristics.
How a person behaves while undertaking one role, will most likely be very different when compared with the responsibilities that other roles bring to the table. You must, therefore, take this into account when interacting with another person.
The following set of questions will help you to gain some clarity:
What role is this person currently playing?
How does this role effect their thoughts, emotions, decisions, behavior and actions?
What insights does this provide me about their psychological recipe?
Above all else, keep in mind that roles do not create the person, they are only one aspect of this person’s psychological makeup. Your objective is to unlock all the ingredients of the package and not only one piece of the puzzle.
Interests and Hobbies
What a person is interested in will help to reveal their hierarchy of values.
You can also use this information to great effect to entice, motivate and create a common bond around similar interests that will likewise make the other person more susceptible to your influence.
You can determine a person’s hobbies and interests through simple conversation and by using open-ended questions.
Goals and Objectives
By gaining an insight into a person’s goals and objectives, you are in essence unlocking their priorities and motivations that drive them forward on a daily basis.
Your goal in any interaction is to pinpoint these objectives while at the same time searching for ways to find common ground that will enable you to develop deeper levels of rapport with the other person.
Attend to a Person’s Social Dynamics
For the purpose of this discussion, social dynamics are aspects of a societal way of life.
Attending to these aspects of a person’s life will enable you to better predict their motives, beliefs, values, behaviors, and actions.
A person’s financial status will more often than not determine the:
• Decisions they make on a daily basis.
• Places they visit.
• Things they buy or resist purchasing.
• Social groups, they relate to.
• Pleasures they seek.
• Values and beliefs they cultivate in their mind, etc.
There is literally a plethora of things that one must consider and take into account here. The key, however, is to be vigilant and base part of your psychological interpretations on a person’s financial status.
In the same fashion, as was discussed for wealth above, a person’s social status will affect their daily thoughts, behaviors, decisions, and actions. It is, therefore, a critical aspect of a person’s life that must be accounted for if you seek to unlock their psychological recipe to its full extent.
Level of Education
Education is like a balloon, the more you learn the bigger the balloon gets. Sometimes it even pops when it grows too big. 😉
Education provides people with a different perspective on love, life, heartache, etc. These new perspectives dramatically alter a person’s beliefs, values and attitude to others and the world around them. Hence, it is critical that you take a person’s level of education into consideration throughout this process.
Attend to Situation Specific Behaviors
Situation-specific behavior relates to the actions a person takes and the decisions that they make when encapsulated within certain social settings.
Each of these social settings will provide you with unique insights into the person’s patterns of thinking and emotional self-control.
Let’s take a look at a few of them briefly:
Influence of Peers and Role Models
Most people will behave differently as a direct result of the characteristics of the people within their social sphere of influence.
Pay particular attention to a person’s decisions, actions and the subtle physical movements of their body and face while others are interacting with them. These signals will reveal a world of intrigue about them and how they relate to other people.
A person’s role models — the people they look up to for guidance and support — will also heavily influence their behavior, decisions, and actions. It is, therefore, your responsibility to determine whom they aspire to be like, and how this influences this person’s patterns of thought, values, beliefs and emotional life.
Consumption of Food and Beverages
It is often said that we are what we eat. In a lot of instances, this isn’t too far from the truth.
The food that a person eats and the beverages they consume will provide you with insights into their values and beliefs. It may also reveal even deeper insights into their motives and underlying patterns of thought.
Patterns of eating can also reveal a person’s underlying health or state-of-mind.
Some people will eat small meals because they want to lose weight. Others will eat high protein meals because they want to put on muscle. Suddenly you have unlocked aspects of this person’s life without ever talking to them.
Of course, eating small or high protein meals could signify a whole variety of things. But that’s not the point. The point is to gather a comprehensive understanding of the person from all angles and perspectives.
Once you have all these variables clearly presented in your mind, you will be in a better position to influence them to your way of thinking.
Pay particular attention to a person’s style of communication.
People essentially fall into three categories:
The characteristics accompanying each of these styles will be discussed later in this article.
Social Specific Behavioral Tendencies
We must always keep in mind that people will reveal different aspects of themselves under a variety of social and emotional circumstances. You therefore never really know a person until you have seen them:
• Alone (at least when they think they’re alone).
• In a variety of social settings.
• When they are relaxed and at play.
• When they are working.
• And when they are stressed out of their mind.
Only once you have seen people in all the above scenarios, can you truly gather a clear picture of who they are.
Let’s now take a look at some of these situations in a little more detail:
Behavior when Alone
When a person thinks that they are alone or that nobody is watching, they will very likely put down their social-mask and reveal their true colors.
People often put on a show for others in social situations. We all want to be liked, appreciated and want to fit in with the crowd. Hence we will act, respond and do things that may go against the grain of our normal patterns of behavior.
Behavior when Stressed
It is said that you don’t really know a person unless you have seen them stressed out of their mind.
When people are experiencing high levels of stress, they no longer have the strength or capacity to hide their true characteristics or intentions from the world. Hence, it is these peaks of high emotion that reveal a person’s deepest and darkest secrets. On the other hand, it could very well reveal a surprising positive aspect of their personality that displays their strength and ability to persist beyond the problems confronting their current reality.
Behavior when Relaxed
When a person is relaxed they may drink a little bit of alcohol, say things that they normally would hold back, or simply display characteristics that were hidden from public view. For this reason, it is important to take the person outside of an unfamiliar environment and into a relaxed atmosphere that will allow them to kick back and reveal what is truly on their mind.
Behavior when Socially Interacting with Others
People will respond in a variety of ways to different types of people that they interact with on a daily basis. It is your objective to observe their behavior, decisions, and actions throughout these periods of interaction.
It is important to determine how this person responds to people of a different culture, social status, educational background, gender, etc.
Above all, keep in mind, that how this person acts, talks and expresses themselves to you, maybe a very clear reflection, as to how they are with other people. Therefore if they talk trash about others when they are not present, then you can be almost assured that they are doing the same to you.
Given all that we have discussed thus far, you must finally pay attention to the level of congruency that this person displays at any one moment, and also over time. Ask yourself:
Do this person’s beliefs, values, body language and gestures match their words, or are their inconsistencies?
What do these inconsistencies reveal about their patterns of thought and emotional frame-of-mind?
Influencing the Human Personality Styles
Within this section, we will break down the four common personality styles that make up human psychological behavior. Simply identify the traits and adapt your approach accordingly in order to influence these people to your way of thinking.
The socializer personality style is direct and has a people-oriented nature.
A socializer personality will generally tend to display the following set of traits:
• Requires love, support, and popularity
• Is achievement oriented
• Displays a nurturing and caring attitude
• Displays concern for others
• Is a relationship builder
• Enjoys being at the center of attention
• Has a very talkative nature
You will often have great success influencing a socializer personality if you use the following set of guidelines:
• Give regular compliments
• Show sincere interest
• Talk about other people
• Avoid arguments
• Communicate passionately
• Listen attentively
• Get them involved in activities
• Buzz with high levels of energy
• Ask questions about them
• Be positive and outgoing
• Make them the center of attention
• Give warm and inviting facial gestures
The analyzer personality style is indirect and has a task-oriented nature.
An analyzer personality will generally tend to display the following set of traits:
• Is attentive to detail
• Thinks in logical steps
• Inverts feelings
• Concerned with accuracy
• Delays decision-making
• Makes decisions by-the-book
• Is very private
• A systematic problem solver
• Has a very loyal and honest nature
• Enjoys working solo
You will often have great success influencing an analyzer personality if you use the following set of guidelines:
• Take on a serious approach
• Present solid facts, stats, and data
• Provide precise details
• Provide logical and methodical sequences
• Don’t exaggerate
• Allow them thinking time
• Confirm things in writing
• Talk about specifics
• Talk slowly in sequence
• Provide them with detailed feedback
The relater personality style is indirect and has a people-oriented nature.
A relater personality will generally tend to display the following set of traits:
• Gets bored quickly
• Is a great listener
• Sensitive to other people’s opinions
• Acts and talks persuasively
You will often have great success influencing a relater personality if you use the following set of guidelines:
• Speak with deep conviction
• Display a passionate attitude
• Present a caring and patient disposition
• Acknowledge their feelings
• Show your agreement
• Compliment their opinions
The director personality style is direct and has a task-oriented nature.
A director personality will generally tend to display the following set of traits:
• Socially insensitive and impatient
• Has poor listening skills
• Goal oriented
• Very competitive
• Has strong self-belief
• Acts strategically, quickly and decisively
• Independent thinker
• Strong willed
• Results oriented and driven
• Precise in decision and action
• Very controlling
• Born leader
You will often have great success influencing a director personality if you use the following set of guidelines:
• Show them respect
• Support their goals, ideas, and plans
• Do not argue with them
• Talk quickly, succinctly and realistically
• Discuss their great ideas and the bigger picture
• Get to the point quickly
• Use power words that stir up emotion
• Compliment their ideas
The Sensory Communication Types
Within this sections, we will explore the three communication personality types. Simply identify the traits and adapt your approach accordingly in order to influence these people to your way of thinking.
The Three Communication Types
Here we will briefly discuss the three communication types, how to identify them, and the strategies you can use to influence these people’s behavior.
This is by no means a comprehensive discussion about this topic, but rather only an introduction that will help you to gather insight into human behavior at yet another level of understanding.
Each one of us naturally favors a certain communication style over all others. You either have a visual, kinesthetic or auditory nature. Your nature will determine how you acquire, communicate and take information in from the external environment.
In a previous article, we discussed multi-sensory study skills and how they can be applied to learning. Here we will discuss how we can identify a person’s dominant sensory type and use this to better influence their behavior.
Before we begin, it is important to understand that when we communicate on another person’s sensory-level we naturally develop high levels of rapport. This signifies to the other person that the both of you have a great deal in common. They will, therefore, be far more willing to relax, communicate freely, and open up to your influence and suggestions.
Visual Sensory Type
A visually oriented person predominantly uses their eyes to collect information about their external environment. They tend to breathe quickly from high up in their chest, and they speak at a furious tempo.
Visually oriented people tend not to be great listeners as they are often distracted by the colors and movements of their environment.
Visual people often use visually descriptive words when talking about people, events, and their environment.
Auditory Sensory Type
An auditory person predominantly uses their ears to collect information about their external environment. They tend to be very rhythmic in nature, speak at a moderate pace and they enjoy listening intently to others.
You may often find auditory people listening to a conversation with their head tilted slightly in one direction.
Auditory people tend to use auditory sounding words to describe people, events, and their environment.
Kinesthetic Sensory Type
A kinesthetic person predominantly uses touch and feeling to collect information about their external environment. They tend to speak very slowly and methodically. They also breathe deeply from their diaphragm, and will often look down to gather their thoughts and feelings.
Kinesthetic people also tend to use words that are coated with deep feeling and emotion.
Visually oriented people tend to become rather impatient with the kinesthetic sensory type due to the differences in the speed of thought and speech. On the other hand, kinesthetically oriented people tend to become confused when communicating with visual people, due to the variations in the speed of communication.
You will find it rather difficult to influence someone to your way of thinking if you communicate in a style that goes against the way they perceive, interpret and describe their world.
For this very reason, we must all learn to match and mirror the other person in accordance with their communication orientation. Hence, we would mirror a person’s vocal rhythm, the words they speak, their breathing patterns, and anything else we can observe that is a natural outcropping of their communication type.
Keep in mind that while you are mirroring and matching a person’s communication type, you must also pay particular attention to their psychological recipe and their personality style we discussed earlier. Only in this way will you unlock their personality equation, and consequently open them up to your influence.
The Science and Tactics of Deception
Within this section, we will unlock the science of deception as it relates to a person’s body language and biological responses. Attending to these subtle signals will help you to pinpoint the deceptive tactics that others use to convince you of their honesty.
Questions to Ask
Unlocking a person’s hidden motives and deceptive tactics requires careful observation, attention to detail and an effective means of thinking that will help you to unlock the other person’s true intentions.
In order to improve our ability to recognize other people’s deceptive tactics, we must cultivate the habit of asking three key questions that will help reveal new insights and understandings into other people’s behavior.
These questions are probably very familiar, as they were mentioned earlier where we discussed how to unlock a person’s psychological recipe.
What does this mean?
What does it reveal about this person?
How is this of significance?
The Subtle Signals of Deception
As a human species, we don’t always tell the truth all of the time, due to a variety of personal reasons and circumstances. In fact, we have become so proficient at deception that for some, it has become an art-form of sorts that involves careful preparation and attention to detail. Yet, as much as people may try and hide their true intentions, there is one overriding catch: we are all psychologically human, and as such we all display a series of unconscious and semi-conscious patterns of behavior that are predictable and commonplace. And it is these behaviors that unlock the secrets of our deceptive ways.
What follows is a brief discussion presenting a few common signals that will help you unlock another person’s deceptions. This is by no means a comprehensive list but rather focuses primarily on a person’s body language and biological responses.
As you work through this list, please keep in mind that you must never judge a person’s intentions or motives based on only one or two isolated signals. Instead, take everything that was discussed in this article thus far into account and piece it together with the signals of deception you are collecting here. Only then will you have a complete picture of the person and will be better able to judge whether or not their intentions are true.
It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. In this case, the eyes are also the windows that reveal a person’s deceptive ways.
Pay attention to the following common signals of deception:
• Eyes shut while talking
• Pupils are constricted (small)
• Avoiding to make eye contact with you
• Erratic blinking
The biological responses of the face are the primary telltale signs of deception.
A person may be able to restrain their body language, however, their biological responses are an entirely different story.
Keep in mind, not to isolate these facial signals without taking into account the words the person speaks and the accompanying behaviors they make.
Pay attention to the following common signals of deception:
• Flushness or Blushing
Our hands can be used in very expressive ways when communicating with others. Moreover, our hands can tell an entire story without our lips ever muttering a single word. This is something that must be taken into account when seeking to unmask a person’s deceptive signals.
In many instances when we are trying to deceive others, we will naturally tend to restrain our hands from mirroring our words and expressions. However, at an unconscious level, what may occur, is that our hands will tend to mimic our patterns of thinking and emotional tendencies. And it is these visual signals that reveal our deceptive ways.
Pay attention to the following common signals of deception:
• Covering of the neck and face
• Constant fidgeting
• Hand movement is significantly restricted
Overall Discomfort and Nervousness
At times it is a person’s overall level of discomfort that raises the red flag and alerts you to their deceptive patterns of behavior.
Pay attention to the following common signals of deception:
• Twitching of the face, feet, body or hands
• Exaggerated head movements
• Licking the Lips
• Erratic breathing patterns
• Shaking of the voice
Eye Movement Interpretations
Our eyes reveal a world of information about our patterns of thought and visual representations. In fact, the position of our eyes can reveal whether we are reconstructing events in our mind, imagining things that never were, or tapping into hidden feelings or emotions that we regularly hide from others.
Yes, all of these signals can be interpreted and revealed through the simple act of observing the eye movements of other people. And yes, they can also reveal other people’s deceptive ways.
The field of Neural Linguistic Programming has revealed that our eye positioning — while listening or communicating with other people — naturally accesses different aspects and segments of our brain. This thusly provides others with an insight into our patterns of thinking and processing of information.
For the purpose of this discussion, we will not break-down the intricate details of this process, but rather provide you with some knowledge and a few guidelines that will enable you to interpret the eye movements of others in social situations.
Before proceeding please keep in mind that what follows is a representation of characteristics that are commonly found in normally organized right-handed people. As such, it would be foolish to interpret everyone’s thought patterns in such a manner. However, these guidelines do provide us with solid building blocks that can be applied with consistent and solid results. In fact, with all things being considered equal, you can flip the eye accessing cues in the opposite direction for normally organized left-handed individuals.
The following points list the position of the eyes and their associated meaning:
- Right and Up — Visual Construct: The person is creating pictures in their mind.
- Right — Auditory Construct: The person is creating sounds in their mind.
- Right and Down — Kinesthetic: The person is sensing past feelings or creating future ones.
- Left and Up — Visual Remembered: The person is accessing pictures from memory.
- Left — Auditory Remembered: The person is accessing sounds from memory.
- Left and Down — Auditory Digital: The person is talking to themselves internally.
To use this knowledge effectively, you must first become aware and carefully observe the other person’s eye movements while they listen and communicate with you. After which, you need to pinpoint inconsistencies in the person’s words, body language and the eye accessing strategies they use on a consistent basis. In this way, you will be better able to pick up on their deceptive tactics.
As an example, you ask two different people to provide specific details of what they saw yesterday at the scene of a crime.
The first person begins responding to your answer and immediately swing their eyes UP and to the RIGHT. This tells you that they are creating (imagining) pictures in their mind that never were. On the other hand, the second person communicates while swinging their eyes UP and to the LEFT. This tells you that they are accessing pictures from their actual memory and experience.
What this signifies to the detective is that the second person is telling the truth, while the first person for some reason is not being completely honest and upfront about the events they saw the other day.
It can take some practice for these observations to become second nature, however, over time, this could very well be one of the most important skills you ever learn.
There is no doubt that people are complex and very self-conscious creatures. We do what we can, when we can, in whatever way we can to hide a side of ourselves that we don’t want the rest of the world to see.
Even though we are seemingly unable to read people’s thoughts, we can, however, learn a great deal about them by using some simple observation techniques that can reveal an unexpected world of surprising insights. Consequently, we can use this information to better understand another person’s subtle patterns of behavior, and thusly influence them in ways that will promote greater fulfillment and well-being.
Here are free Personality Assessment Tests that will help you to determine your personal strengths and weaknesses:
- Keirsey Temperament Sorter @ Keirsey
- Jung Typology Test @ Human Metrics
- Personality Type @ Personality Type
- Enneagram Test @ Similar Minds
- Type Focus @ Type Focus
- Personal DNA @ Personal DNA
- Big 5 Personality Typing Test @ Similar Minds
Time to Assimilate these Concepts
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Here are three recommended IQ Matrix mind map bundles that explore how to develop your social skills, how to become a person of influence, and how to read people like a personality profiler.
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Gain More Knowledge…
Here are some additional links and resources that will help you learn more about this topic:
- 3 Techniques to Read People @ Psychology Today
- 8 Great Ticks for Reading People’s Body Language @ Entrepreneur
- 10 Proven Tactics for Reading People’s Body Language @ Business Insider
- 12 Personality Types to Avoid @ Lifehack
- 18 Tips and Tricks About Reading People @ Business Insider
- An FBI Agent Shares 9 Secrets to Reading People @ Inc.
- How Neuroscience Can Teach You to Lie @ Dumb Little Man
- How to Instantly Read People @ Success
- How to Read People Like an FBI Profiler @ Psych Central
- The Secret to Negotiating is Reading People’s Faces @ Harvard Business Review
- The Science of People @ The Science of People