Language of Love: Unlocking the Secrets of Love and Attraction

Robert Heinlein

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.


What does it take to fall madly in love?

Have you ever wondered exactly what it takes to make someone fall madly and deeply in love with you? Is there an actual science for falling in love that we are all susceptible to? Just maybe there is a formula we could use that would help us win another person’s heart.

The act of falling in love is actually very much a science. On a conscious level though, we often fall in love for reasons unknown that we don’t quite understand. There’s just something about the other person — about how they look, about how they talk, and about how they make us feel when we’re around them.

We become captivated by their smile, engrossed in their eyes, and seduced by the smell of their skin. Every time they touch us we get tingles, and every time they they talk we lose track and focus of where we are. How they make us feel is just incomprehensible.

We might of course deny that these feelings are real. Our feelings are after all just chemical reactions within the body that get us all giddy and excited about certain people. Therefore, how we feel about this other person just doesn’t make any conscious sense. And yet, we just can’t help feel how we feel. It’s as though they have us under a spell where resistance is futile. In fact, the more we try and resist, the more we are drawn to this other person emotionally, mentally and physically.

When we fall madly in love and head-over-heels with another person, all rational thoughts walk out the door. We are crazy in love and that in itself just doesn’t make any rational sense at all. We in fact don’t think rationally about anything, but rather make decisions based on feeling and emotion.

This is of course all well and good. People fall in love suddenly and quickly all the time. But how does this happen? How do people fall in love? And what does it actually take to make someone fall madly and deeply in love with you? Is that even possible to do?


Here is What Love Desires

People fall in love for a plethora of reasons — reasons they possibly don’t quite understand. However, even though we all find our path to love in various ways, there are always fundamental and common factors at play that make falling in love possible.

We mainly fall in love because of how a person makes us feel about ourselves. It’s not so much about how we feel about them, but rather how we feel about ourselves while we’re around them. That’s essentially what love is all about. It’s purely about our feelings.

For love to manifest in our lives, it does however require certain elements to be in place. Not all of these elements are required for falling in love, but the more of them there are, the higher the likelihood that love will grow the roots it needs to manifest in your life.

So what does love actually desire? What does it need to thrive in your life? What elements need to be in place for you to fall madly and deeply in love with another person? Before we list these elements, it’s important to mention that whenever we meet a potential partner, we always ask one key question. That question is:

What can I get from being in a relationship with this person?

Now of course we might not ask this question consciously, but on a subconscious level this question is always there at the back of our mind. We all certainly have our preferences for what we want. In fact, we have a hierarchy of elements that are most important for us when searching for a potential mate. This will of course vary from person-to-person. However, there are certain elements that are highly valued and sought after by most people — whether they care to admit it or not. These elements include:

  • A high social status.
  • A passionate disposition.
  • Social validation.
  • Beauty and attractiveness.
  • Material wealth and/or success.
  • Security and safety.
  • Emotional support.
  • Intellectual stimulation.

Yes, you may very well say that some of these elements aren’t really that important for you. That may very well be true, but at the same time having these elements in a potential life partner adds incredible value to the relationship, which in turn enhances feelings of love and attraction you feel toward this other person.

Love also however desires sexual chemistry and the arousal of deep seated emotions that make us feel good about ourselves. In fact, love desires a little anxiety and tension at times. Raised levels of anxiety stir up chemical reactions within the body that draws us emotionally closer to the other person.

Here is What Love Desires

We all of course have our own personal wants and desires that we would like to see fulfilled within a relationship. With this in mind, anyone who satisfies us in desired ways naturally gets our attention and immediately captures our interest. In fact, the person who is able to satisfy you in every way you ever imagined, will no doubt be the leading candidate for your heart. This level of satisfaction however has deep roots that go well beyond surface level desires and into the realm of the Six Human Needs.

The Six Human Needs of certainly, uncertainty, connection, significance, growth and contribution are fundamental human needs that all of us long for in our lives. The most fulfilling relationships are the ones where each of these six human needs are satisfied at a deep level.

You are far more likely to fall in love with another person if your relationship satisfies each of the Six Human Needs at a high level in the following ways:

  • Certainly: You feel safe and secure within your relationship. You feel as though you can trust, depend on, and rely on your partner. No matter what happens in life they will be there to support you. This gives you a sense of certainly.
  • Uncertainty: You feel excited because of the unpredictable nature of your relationship. You are always doing new things and going on unexpected adventures. Things are just fun and the relationship is constantly moving forward into unexplored territory.
  • Connection: You feel a deep bond and connection with your partner. Yes, sexual chemistry has a lot to do with this, but along with that chemistry there are also deep emotional roots that make you feel as though you and your partner are one person working for the same purpose. You have similar beliefs, values, and morals, which strengthens your emotional connection.
  • Significance: You feel valued and respected by your partner. They make you feel special and important. You are connected to them, and yet you are your own person with your own life — doing your own thing. They essentially give you the time and space to truly be yourself.
  • Growth: You feel as though your relationship is growing and evolving in new ways. There is no stagnation, things are just always moving forward. Yes, you have your ups and downs, but you both learn from those experiences and this strengthens your relationship and bond.
  • Contribution: You feel as though your relationship is more than just the two of you. There is a bigger picture and path for the both of you to travel. Who you are together pales in comparison to what you can accomplish and how you can contribute to the world around you. You live for a higher cause, together.

With all these Six Human Needs satisfied at a high enough level within your relationship, it’s just natural that you would fall madly in love with this other person. These needs after all form the bedrock of everything that is truly important to us in life. In fact, the satisfaction of the Six Human Needs is very much tied to all the elements that life desires. Each of these elements naturally falls into place within one or more of these Six Human Needs, which is why they form the fundamental building blocks of a strong loving relationship.

For more information, please read a detailed account of the Six Human Needs.


How to Make Someone Fall in Love with You at First Sight

What does it take to make an unforgettable first impression on a first date? More specifically, is it possible to make someone fall madly and deeply in love with you at first sight? Well it just might be; at least to a certain extent.

While on a first date, or when meeting someone for the very first time, there are certain things you can do that will make the other person feel incredibly comfortable and secure. This naturally builds a level of trust between the two of you. And of course when someone trusts you they are more open and willing to make themselves vulnerable to your advances.

However, before you begin developing trust, you must first create a little intrigue that helps stimulate the other person’s interest in you. In order to create this interest, you must first take special care with your appearance.

Create a Strong Presence

Making a great first impression comes across in what you wear, in how you present yourself, and in how you move your body. Those people who come across as being confident will naturally grab the attention of those around them.

With this in mind, move your body with purpose, use open body language, and smile sincerely. Be inviting and draw the other person into your world. Moreover, lean forward to show interest, but be sure not to crowd the other person’s personal space too quickly. Furthermore, mirroring and matching the other person’s body language can also help you to quickly build rapport and connect with them at a deeper emotional level.

All this will no doubt help you make a good first impression, however the key to forming a very deep connection with the other person comes through your eyes.

Captivate them with Your Eyes

Eye contact is absolutely paramount when courting a potential mate. Good eye contact can help you to draw this other person into your world. Moreover, it helps create intrigue and interest. But what to do? How to use our eyes specifically with this purpose in mind?

To begin with, make sure that your gaze is gentle and kind. Your eye contact must be steady but playful at the same time. You must look at the other person with respect and admiration. However, be sure that your eyes don’t come across as being too aggressive.

While listening, feel free to take a visual voyage of the other person’s face, lips, neck, and shoulders. Gently glaze your eyes over these areas with intrigue and curiosity, but don’t linger too long on any one area and be sure to pan with your eyes slowly using gradual movements. This will show the other person that you are intrigued and interested in them.

During silences, observe them for a couple of seconds longer than you would normally in a typical social situation, then reluctantly and slowly pull your eyes away. This will make the other person feel as though you have a deep seated interest in what they are saying. This subsequently can help instil a deeper trust and bond between the two of you.

Finally, make your eyes look inviting and enticing throughout your conversation. To do this you will need to practice expanding the size of your pupils. This isn’t easy, but with practice it can be done.

Eyes with a larger pupil size always look more inviting and warm. Just think for a moment about all the cartoon characters you love and the strength of their personality that comes through their eyes. When characters are shown with larger pupils they naturally look more friendly, warm and inviting. The same is true of real life.

Our pupils expand naturally when we are thinking loving thoughts, or simply about things that make us feel comfortable and secure. On the other hand, our pupils constrict whenever we are concerned, worried, stressed or afraid.

To expand your pupils and make your eyes more inviting, make sure to think about the other person in loving ways. Focus on their beauty and on all the things you love about them. This will help expand your pupils and make your eyes more alluring. As a result, the other person will feel more comfortable in your presence.

While the eyes are an incredibly powerful medium for building a strong connection with someone, it’s also helpful to keep in mind the power of touch.

Use the Power of Touch

Touching the other person gently, subtly, innocently, and at times accidentally throughout your interaction helps create a physical bond between the two of you. However, be very careful how you touch the person and where you touch them. The key is not to make the other person feel uncomfortable.

Your touch must be subtle, slight and gentle — targeting the other person’s hand, elbow, upper-arm or shoulder. Even a slight graze of your hips against theirs while sitting or standing side-by-side can create instant sparks and attraction. The purpose here is of course to establish an early physical connection that you can work on building over time in more direct and less subtle ways.

However, a word of warning. If your appearance, body language and eyes have not won the other person over by this stage, then touching might not be appropriate. You need to first build a deeper bond and connection with this person using your eyes and body language as a medium to make that happen. Without these elements in place you simply won’t have enough rapport to take this interaction beyond the friendship zone.

Making a Great First Impression on a Date


Using Conversation as a Platform for Building, Curiosity, Passion and Interest

Having made an intriguing first impression and captured the other person’s attention through your appearance, body language and eyes, it’s now time to explore the intricacies of your conversation. The question here is, how can you create a deep passionate desire and interest through the words you speak?

It’s of course not easy to answer this questions because a great many elements are at play. With this in mind, let’s first begin this discussion by looking at what attracts people to each other.

The Elements that Create Instant Attraction

In general people are attracted to people who appear confident and self-assured. They are attracted to people who are kind and cordial, and who are open-minded and accepting of other people’s inadequacies and flaws.

People are also intrigued by those who come across as being passionate and who live with a definitive purpose in life. This of course doesn’t mean that you should lay out a presentation that outlines your life’s purpose in intricate detail. All you need is just to appear busy and in demand. Those who appear to be in demand and who look as though they’re going places are naturally more attractive. Other people’s interests and passions inspire within us our own passions, and this is of course incredibly alluring.

Optimism is also another big factor that generates attraction. People who are upbeat about their life, health, family and careers are inspiring to be around. We want to be around them because they make us feel better about ourselves and about our own life problems.

With this in mind, throughout your interaction with this other person you must essentially tick all the above mentioned boxes. By checking all these boxes you will naturally come across as being more attractive and appealing. This will subsequently help you to instil a deeper desire within the person you are interacting with.

All this doesn’t of course mean that you should be bragging about yourself or about your life. Not at all. It’s rather about how you come across throughout the conversation. The key is to subtly hint at how busy you are, or to briefly mention your passions. And yes, put a positive spin on your problems, but don’t endlessly talk about them.

The hidden key to attraction isn’t so much in what you say, but rather in how you involve the other person within that conversation. And that of course begins with very careful observation.

Observation is the Key to Deep Conversation

In order to take your conversation with this other person to another level, you need to be very observant. Observe the person’s body language, hand placement, fidgeting, facial expressions, head position, movement, and even the dilation and constriction of their pupils.

Making these observations will provide you with deep insights into their thoughts and feelings about you and about this interaction. For instance, hand fidgeting could signify that they are feeling nervous or maybe somewhat impatient. If their hips are facing toward you, this shows that they are interested and involved in the conversation. But if their hips are turned away from you, then that’s probably a sign that you have lost their interest.

Along the same lines, their facial expressions can give away subtle signals about their thoughts and feelings. This includes eye movements, how often they blink their eyes, and pupil constriction and dilation. If for instance their pupils are dilated, then this is a positive sign that they are fascinated and interested in the conversation. If on the other hand their pupils are constricted and their eye movement is erratic, then that clearly indicates that they are feeling somewhat uncomfortable within your presence.

Getting into all the details of these subtle signs goes well beyond the purpose of this article. It is however something we will discuss at another time. For now I would highly recommend you visit The Science of People website, which delves into these topics in great depth and detail.

For our purposes here, it’s just important that you remain vigilant and observant of the other person throughout the conversation. This will help you to adapt your approach if for any reason you are starting to lose the other person’s interest.

However, observation isn’t just about what we see. It’s also about what we hear. Specifically, listen and identify topics that interest the other person, topics that you have in common, and even things you disagree with. Listen also to the intricate details of their life and circumstances. These are the nuggets of gold you need to move your conversation forward to ever deeper levels.

Creating Sexual Tension and Desire Through Conversation

It’s now time to put your observation skills to practice in order to create deep sexual tension and desire. And this is of course all about how you talk and come across throughout your interaction with this other person. It’s also about the emotions and feelings you stir up within your potential mate that makes them feel as though they’re connected to you on a deep emotional level.

There are various ways you can do this. For instance:

  • Tell interesting and humorous tales and stories that make them giggle and laugh.
  • Echo that you have similar interests, feelings, dislikes, values, goals and beliefs.
  • Disclose minor personal secrets or talk about embarrassing moments that humble you before their eyes.
  • Give them indirect and maybe at times silly random compliments that encourage them let down their guard.
  • Disagree with them about something and then playfully argue your stance on the issue.
  • Create private jokes that couples often have that nobody else knows about.
  • Most importantly, put the spotlight on them. Make them feel valued, respected and important.

The glue that will make all of this come beautifully together and the key to creating deep sexual tension and desire is to subtly sprinkle “we” and “us” statements throughout your conversation. The purpose is to make the other person feel as though you are already a couple. Therefore everything you say should subtly hint at the fact that the both of you are in this together.

Even when you’re talking about your own life and circumstances, make them feel as though they are involved by asking questions about how they would feel or what they would do in your situation. Then when they give you their answer, use “us” and “we” statements to paint a picture of how you could be together in that particular situation.

This is of course exactly how couples who have been together for many years tend to talk. You might not yet be together with this person in a romantic way, but you can certainly hint at that fact using carefully selected words.

The key is to have fun with this process. Don’t take things too seriously. Be lighthearted and joke around with the other person. Make them feel as though you’re already in this together as a couple. At the very least it draws them into your world and gets them thinking about how life would be with you by their side. That by itself is enough to start generating deep desire and passion.

However, to truly make someone fall deeply and madly in love with you, you need to understand their love strategy. And that’s precisely what we will discuss next.

Creating Interest Through Conversation


Building Deep Lasting Love Using a Person’s Love Strategy

So by this stage you have hopefully created a deep emotional bond and connection with the other person. If you played your cards right, they are probably starting to develop some strong feelings for you. However, to turn those feelings into passionate love, you need to understand the other person’s love strategy.

A person’s love strategy is a unique imprint created at an early age that provides you with insights into what specifically needs to happen for them to feel as though they are in love. This imprint is built upon how they responded to parental love and affection, to environmental circumstances, to sensory stimuli, peer influence, and to the experience of pain and pleasure.

A love strategy in essence unlocks a set of patterned responses and expectations that reveal how we tend to feel deep love and affection. In other words, it’s like a personal script for falling in love that was written at an early age based on the influence of our parents, peers, environment and circumstances at the time.

Everyone’s script for falling in love is of course different as it is based on experiences that are unique to each individual. Moreover, it’s based on sensory information and preferences that are built upon predictable patterns and submodalities that unlock a person’s love strategy.

Unlocking this unique imprint and then putting it to practice is of course the key to making a person fall in love with you. But how exactly do we do this? Well it all starts with being very observant. You must identify what specifically needs to happen for a person to feel love and affection in the first place. And this of course comes down to how we interpret the world through our senses.

We’ve already established that each person experiences love a little differently. However, what does this mean exactly? Well it all comes back to our senses. Some people for instance feel loved and know that they are “in love” when they are being touched in a particular way. Others feel it through the words they speak or through the words that others speak to them. At times love can also come through various scents or through the actions of another person. For instance, a person might feel they are in love if they are holding hands or being shown affection. However, for other people, that might not be the case.

You need to effectively identify precisely what it takes to make the other person feel as though they are being loved. For instance, do they need a certain scent or smell? Or, maybe they only feel love when they are shown something, taken to specific places or given certain kinds of gifts. Possibly they only feel love if they see that you are doing something for them in a certain way. Or maybe they only feel love when they hear you say certain words expressed in a very specific way.

For one person, telling them “I love you” will not trigger their feelings of love. However, for another person it could be the most important thing in the world. You could therefore shower this person with gifts, take them to incredible places, and yet they will never truly feel as though they are being loved. What they need are just three little words that are more meaningful than anything else you could give.

How does all this work?

Okay great, so how does this process work? What questions should you be asking? Well the questions are pretty straightforward. There is nothing magical about them. The key really is all about what you do while asking those questions.

The answers a person gives you to the questions you ask might only be surface responses that don’t quite go deep enough to elicit strong feelings of love. In such instances you must observe the other person carefully and pay attention to their eyes, physiology and facial expressions. Subtle changes in these areas will provide you with the insights you need to elicit their deep-seated love strategy.

You must essentially capture moments when the other person is at a peak emotional state and then anchor those emotions using touch.

For instance, imagine you have elicited strong feelings of love. Before those feelings subside, touch the other person on their cheek in a very specific way. What this will do is anchor that emotional state of “feeling love” to their cheek. You can then trigger those feelings at a later time by touching their cheek in exactly the same way again.

Emotional anchors of course take time to install. You may need to go through the process several times before you establish a strong anchor, however it’s definitely worth exploring as it can help you to immediately unlock strong feelings of love through simple touch.

Unlocking a Person's Love Strategy

What questions should I ask?

Let’s now explore the questions that you can ask to elicit another person’s love strategy.

Sit down in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed, and ask the other person the following set of questions. Be sure though not to rush though them. Allow the other person time to respond fully to each question.

How have you felt love in the past? What exactly needed to happen?

How were you loved when you were a child? How exactly?

Do you remember a time when you felt most loved? How exactly did things get that way? What made you feel that love so strongly?

These days, how would you like to receive love from another person?

How do you see yourself being loved by the perfect lover?

In order for you to feel this way, what exactly must happen…? Would I need to say something specifically to you? Would I need to talk in a certain way? Would I need to give you something? Would I need to share something with you? Would I need to touch you in a specific way? Would I need to show you something? Would I need to hold you a certain way? Would I need to take you somewhere specific? What else would make you feel love?

Can you demonstrate all this for me?

While asking these questions it’s important that you look for patterns. Rarely will a person’s love strategy be about one single thing. Many times there is a sequence of steps within a person’s love strategy. For instance, a person may feel love when you say something to them in a specific way within a certain environment. This then is enhanced if you touch them a certain way and then show them something that makes them feel special and appreciated.

The key is to unlock the unique sequence of steps that a person needs in order to feel as though they are being loved by another. That is essentially what you’re trying to unlock by asking these set of questions.

But how to I make them fall in love with me?

You might be thinking that this is all wonderful and good. However, you want to make this other person fall in love with you — not the other way around. You might already be in love with this person, and you just need them to love you back.

What you will typically find is that when you begin eliciting the other person’s love strategy, they will naturally feel a deeper connection and bond with you. In other words, they will be drawn to you because of how you’re making them feel.

We all want to feel love. In fact, we probably all want to be in love. The people that are able to trigger those feelings within us are the people we grow closest to. And they are often the people who become our closest companions, allies and partners in life.

It’s therefore in your best interests to use this love strategy approach not only for your own purposes, but also to bring more happiness, joy and fulfilment to another person’s life. Love is after all the greatest gift we can give.

As a final note, you can also elicit your partner’s love strategy to potentially save your relationship. Many relationships dwindle and die because we’ve disconnected from our partner’s deepest desires, passions and needs. During the honeymoon period of your relationship you showered your partner with love in various ways, which no doubt stimulated many aspects of their love strategy. This made your partner feel special, wanted, loved and needed. However, over time that passion has since subsided and you no longer go the extra mile to make them feel special.

Eliciting your partner’s love strategy can help you to re-establish that connection once again — bringing more love and passion back into your relationship. Try it, and find out for yourself the difference it can make to your love life.


Time to Assimilate these Concepts

The Language of Love

Buy Map Using Map Free Maps

Did you gain value from this article? Would you like to keep these concepts at the forefront of your mind? If so, then you might like to download the accompanying mind map reference poster to your iPad, tablet or computer. The map presents you with a quick overview of this article. It’s designed specifically to help improve your memory and recall of this information so that you can better integrate these concepts into your daily thoughts, habits and actions. Your purchase will also go a long way towards supporting the further development of these maps.

If you enjoy using these mind maps, then why not become an IQ Matrix lifetime member where you will gain access to an ever growing library of hundreds of self-growth mind maps that can help you excel in every area of life. Find out more by clicking on the banner below.

IQ Matrix Lifetime Membership


Gain More Knowledge…

Here are some additional links and resources that will help you learn more about this topic: